We versus Ourselves and Us

excerpt from my new book Turning Wounds into Wisdom - Living a Conscious Life with PTSD. Chapter 4

The idea of self is linguistically referred to as a possession and seen as something separate from who we are. For example, “You should love yourself” can be substituted with “You should love your house, You should love your pets, You should love your car, You should love your job or You should love your life”. Each iteration makes a linguistic inference that there is a possession that should be regarded in a certain way. The idea of “yourself” is also referring to the self as a possession.

“Take care of car, take care of your phone, take care of your wallet, take care of your valuables and take care of yourself” all make the same linguistic inference that the self is a possession. Operating on that logic, then a question we do not tend to ask ourselves is:

“Who is the self and who is the one that possess it”?

There is a separation between the possession and the entity that possess it. Just as we can clearly see that you are not your car, your house, your valuables nor your family. In fact, you are an independent entity, yet you have a self, therefore we have the term “yourself”. It is only logical to deduct that there is also a separation of the self and the aspect of our consciousness that possess the self. This is why in order to master ourselves, we must get to know ourselves first.

Knowing oneself requires a separation between the self that knows and the self that is being studied. This line of thinking leads us to the idea that there is a higher self, which is an aspect of consciousness that studies a lower self. The ancient text and most world religions believe in the existence of an eternal essence that is ever present within us. Much like a hand wearing a glove, this essence is what animates our physical bodies. This self is the observer within us all that guides us towards higher meaning, purpose, morality and truth. The Vedic tradition calls this our Atman, which can be related to the concept of our soul as our direct link to the creator and the source consciousness of all life. In essence, this is aspect of us that takes care of our self because it is a part of our minds that govern, control, care for and watch over the body because it has our best interest as a priority.

The higher self is an awareness that is attached to a physical body; known as the lower self. Our lower self is an aspect of consciousness that is attached to our human identity. In modern lines of thinking we tend to refer to this as our ego. The word ego is short for Epigenetic Overlay, which refers to the biological, chemical control sheath that covers and controls the functions of our DNA strands. However, the word ego has become commonly associated with our sense of pride, identity and attachment to our physical bodies within the material world. The ego's role is to gratify, protect, enhance and maintain its position. Without an entity or aspect of consciousness to control it the ego can and do great damage to others and the world around us. Without regulation, the ego will seek control many aspects of our lives and will inevitably distort our perception of reality.

The ego and the higher self are the two aspects of consciousness that are typically in disagreement with one another. The higher self may tell us to walk away from a fight when a drunk guy calls us a name, but the ego wants us to punch him in the face. The higher self will tell us to choose to do the right thing, but the ego wants what it wants by any means necessary despite the moral consequences of our actions. The ego will want to enjoy where it is comfortable, but the higher self knows when things are toxic and when its time for us to move on. The ego will want to remain in patterns that are known and comfortable, yet the higher self will challenge our beliefs and influence us to seek growth over comfort. Each of these two aspects of mind are competing for space in our awareness.

The third party in this trifecta is our awareness. Our awareness is our ability to choose to follow an influence. Each and every influence we follow in life, be it from within ourselves or from an outside party, is ultimately an influence that seeks to gratify the ego or fulfill the soul. Our awareness or our consciousness is our ability to choose what to do, what influence to follow, where to go or what action to take. Simply put, our awareness is the part of ourselves that is caught in the balance between when our ego tells us to stay put, stay comfortable and not to venture outside of our comfort zones, but our higher self tells us its time to change, grow and move on to something better and new.

This is the source of our internal conflicts because most do not understand that there are three forces at work within us at all times. One has the power to choose, and the other two are influencing its decisions. When we are in conflict within ourselves it is because our awareness is being pulled between the influence ego and the soul. The key difference between how the two parties make attempts to influence our awareness is that the ego screams, it is highly reactive, impulsive and seeks to gratify, preserve and compare itself against something or someone else. The soul whispers, it is the still small voice in our heads that makes attempts to sway us in directions that are conducive for our growth but often lead us outside of our comfort zones.