Are We Theirs Yet?

If you are a parent you know all too well how transitory is your central role in the lives of your children. We become more and more peripheral as they create their own careers, families and lives. And yet there's our hope that, when all is done and dusted, our children will look back and acknowledge the impact we had on their lives.

When I asked a completely unscientifically chosen group to talk about those people who had a major impact on their lives, not one of them listed a parent, or even a sibling. One friend cited a fitness class:

Decades ago, as a young woman in formative years, I signed up for middle eastern dancing lessons at the Metro Vancouver YWCA.?The classes were great, I learned a lot about body control and possibilities.?Being at the YW felt GOOD—I was too young and it was too early in the evolution of female empowerment to know why—so I then cast about for some other fitness discipline.?By happy coincidence the YWCA was just launching early early morning fitness classes.?I signed up and on Day 1 was made to feel very welcome by a female instructor with a mane of blazing red hair:?Jacqueline Allen.?Her smile, and her confidence as a leader, almost outdid her red hair.?I thoroughly enjoyed the classes and was a regular.?One day Jacqueline approached me and said I would be a good candidate for fitness instructor and that I should participate in an instructor training program.?Oh!?I did sign up, was ultimately given the seal of approval and a weekly set of classes to teach.?I SAW and FELT the power of leadership, even if only for an hour at a time.?I recognized that the right approach could cause a group of 20 or 30 adults, with whom I had only this snippet of time, to follow me, to strive for success in whatever I was demonstrating...?What I learned, in terms of leadership, opened the door for both professional and community leadership roles which have continued anon through all these decades.

Another contributor talked about her grandfather:

Initially in life it would be my Grandad. I spent a lot of time with him from 3-12 years old. He was an avid gardener and all round kind, gentle soul. He gave me gifts of kindness and the ability to believe in myself and also modelled social activism.?I have manifested a love for both gardening and sticking up for social causes and what is right/moral/ethical. He was pivotal in my early years as I had a very dysfunctional mother/sister-home environment and he provided respite and unconditional love. I think about him often- weekly( he passed away in 1991) and can still feel comforted by his presence - remembering his supportive words, smile and kind eyes.?

For many of us, teachers wielded huge influence, for good and bad:

My Gr. 11/12 High School English teacher introduced me to a love of reading and literature with a moral-ethical message , “The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz”. She encouraged all learners in her class to contribute and had a way of lifting up those who weren’t gifted for reading/writing, she appeared to me to ensure their contributions were valued and welcomed. She additionally wrote a very direct and pointed comment in my report card directed at my mother, who’s emotional and psychological abuse had become known to the school.?She was the first adult in my life who allowed me to see that both my kindness and ethical nature did have great value. She also showed great strength of character and?‘called out’ that it wasn’t ok for those in a position to protect and support her student to not do so. Her teaching?left me with a love for reading and her caring attitude gave me the belief that I did deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. As an associate educator in my profession now , I often think of how much impact a teacher can have and wonder if they are aware of that…?

Sometimes it's the person who believes in your resilience at a critical juncture:

A former female?boss listened to me complain about my marriage (I was only 23).?She said to me "I'm not worried about you, I know that you're smart and when things get bad enough and you're ready to change, you'll leave him".?It was like an Oprah moment, it just floored me, I suddenly realized that I had the power to make better choices for myself, not?to expect him to change. I could only change myself. I left him very soon after that.

I've come back to that conversation many times and made very?positive decisions based on it over the last 30 years in both personal and business situations. A little thing that had a huge impact.

If you had to cite a pivotal influence in your life and/or career, who would it be? And who will speak positively of your impact on theirs?