Are We Still Friends?

What happens when you are promoted into a management role where you may have been friends with people you are now expected to lead?  There is no real training for this type of situation, but this has come up quite a bit in my coaching practice.  It has brought up a lot of questions about managing in general because often times these are first time management positions. The friendships that exist prior to becoming the manager adds an additional dimension.  How do you make the transition and still remain friends?  Can you?

The answer is actually quite simple.  You manage everyone with the same set of expectations around performance.  You ensure fairness in how you treat everyone on the team.  Easy to say for sure, but perhaps not as easy to implement.  Sometimes unconscious biases are at work which may alter your perspective of the situation.  It is a very sensitive topic to those you are friends with, as well as for the others that you may not have had as close a relationship.  

As the new leader of the team it is a great opportunity to discuss expectations with the team.  What do you expect from them, AND what can they expect from you.  This is your opportunity to address the issue of fairness head on, no matter what your previous relationship with the employees.  This will also show the team that you are willing to face challenges and have difficult conversations.  Then when all the talking is done, it is MOST important to back up your words with the appropriate actions.  

As a new or established leader ask yourself if you are giving the same benefit to all.  Are you holding your friend’s performance to the same standard as the others?  Are you holding your friends to a higher standard than the others?  Are you sharing confidential information with your friend(s) that gives them the edge?  This is where you must hold yourself accountable.  We all have times in our careers when we need to share information, vent or get feedback.  This is a great time to seek out your manager, a trusted management peer, a Human Resource Business Partner or a mentor.

Our friendships and our careers are very important in our lives, and we want both to thrive.  Friendships with those you manage are still possible.  However, it does require you to manage in a way that doesn’t compromise the business of the company and your leadership brand.  

Donna Aldrich is a Leadership Coach who works with Individuals and Corporations to build strong leadership skills that drive both people and corporations forward.  She believes everyone can lead from where they are.