We Should Practice Negotiating More

Recently I had a conversation with a young woman moving to Tallahassee for an intensive graduate course. She was going to be here 15 months and knew she didn’t want to buy something. She saw that most apartments offered only 12-month leases in their marketing. She was struggling to decide where to live, what to look for in a rental, and wondering why these big property management companies were not calling her back.

We talked for a while and about halfway through the conversation, I suggested that she ask the rental manager to give her a discount for staying longer than 12 months. She was surprised. She hadn’t considered asking for anything other than what they had posted.

“I can do that?”

“Of course, you can always ask. They will have three more months of occupancy where they do not have to look for another renter.” She was silent a moment and I could almost hear her thinking.

“What else can I negotiate?” she asked.

That was when the call got really interesting. It had never occurred to her that she could change the terms and conditions of a generic offer. We spend the next fifteen minutes talking about what was important to her and what she could offer to get that from a potential landlord. It was fun! The best conversation I had all day.

It reminded me of teaching a Research Methods class at FSU years earlier. As a professor, I made my classes of 50-60 students break into 5-6 groups and complete a research project from start to finish. Each group picked a hypothesis, designed a way to test it, tested it, and wrote up the results in a report. It was a big ask for a semester course, but the results were often fascinating.

One spring I had a truly diverse group test negotiation outcomes in one of three situations: a flea market, a commercial mall, and on campus. In each situation, the students would ask for a discount on an item being sold. I do not remember their report or their grade anymore. I’m sure they did well. What I do remember was seeing that spark that all teachers yearn to see in their students.

Participating in that study had changed the students’ attitudes towards negotiations. One of the girls in the group was so excited about what they found, she asked me if she could present their findings to the class. That had never happened before!

She told her story about being terrified to ask for a discount on the tomatoes she was buying at the flea market. The farmer was kind and gently told her no. The tomatoes were the farmer’s best sellers, but she could have some free zucchini or peppers. After that, it was easier to ask for a discount on the used paperbacks down the row. She didn’t stop there.

At the mall, she had her eye on this dress at Macy’s. It was too expensive for her, but she had her sister’s wedding coming up and the dress was perfect. So, she gathered her courage and asked the salesperson if there was any way to do better on the price. Turns out, they could. She was ecstatic. She never would have asked for a discount before. This experiment had opened a whole new world for her.

She had learned in a classroom exercise what I had learned intuitively growing up the youngest in a large family. Getting what you want often starts with asking questions. And if you never ask, the answer is ALWAYS no. As the youngest, the answer was often No anyway. BUT, that seldom stopped me from asking.

Even today, women earn 84% of what men earn for the same job. Part of that is that women are not as comfortable making 'the ask.' So, like that young woman I talked to yesterday, I want to encourage women to get comfortable asking. It gets easier with practice too. Start small, when the outcome isn't as vital, and get comfortable being uncomfortable. It is worth it.

My rules to negotiating real estate in Tallahassee:

1. The answer is always no if you don’t ask.

2. Every problem that pops up can be solved by time or money.

3. Everything in real estate is negotiable.