We say we care but do we care……..

Special Thanks to my dear friend and fellow thought leader Dr. Idrees A Mohammed (PhD)

Rationale:

We say we care, but do we? Do we really care for others and ourselves? What does care entail? Do we fully comprehend the nuances of care?

CARE:

I believe care is a very overused, underrepresented, misused, abused, confused and misunderstood word that is taken for granted.

People use it for the sake of using it. They use it to hide their true feelings or to get away from certain sticky situations

Husband and wife fight and one of them says I care for you to avoid any further arguments. Do the couple really mean it, or have they used this to stop additional disagreement?

Managers and staff disagree, and the manager says I care for you; hence we are taking the best action possible. Wonder if the manager meant it or if it was a way to pacify the staff by playing the 'Care' card and playing with emotions.??

Care is never used intrinsically - we often use it for others, let it be with good or devious intentions but never for oneself

Let us break it down for ourselves:

I refer to taking care of oneself as a form of 'parenting oneself'. According to a recent study, Gen X shows care for others but rarely for themselves. At times, we are better at caring for others than for ourselves.??

Caring about yourself is not a selfish act. Caring for yourself is not being self-centred, narcissistic and egotistical. It is the act of being kind to yourself, forgiving, moving on and not being in a ruminative brooding state. It is about making sure you look after yourself. ?

The air hostess' statement to the passenger on the plane, “Put on your mask first and then attend to others,” made me think. 'If you can't manage yourself, how will you manage a team?' ?

Last but not least, I would add that if you don't 'CARE' for yourself, how can you care for others?

Now let us reflect on the 'CARE' for others – We were designed to live in packs. It is in our genes. That is a coping mechanism. It is nature's way of saying you need to care for each other if you want to survive. It is how we can impact our longevity. This is our sustainable strategy. It is in our innate nature to care for others. Why fight it? Why go against the nature of nurturing and caring for each other?

Self memoir:?

At home:

As a father, do I care about my kids? I understand there is a financial responsibility as a father and providing for the family's basic needs is what is expected of a father/husband towards their families. The big question is, where is psychological safety? Do you give time for mental and physical growth? Do you have time for emotional investment? Yes, 'Emotional Investment'

Dr Bracket from Yale University talks about how people invest their time in learning about the things which they have a passion and love for. For example, you love cars and would know the model, make, horsepower, history and all the nitty gritty details. If we say family is important, then show that 'CARE' by giving time and emotionally investing in the family. Know their likes and dislikes, build a culture of compassion at home where everyone has a right to contribute, and give them our undivided attention, which Micheal West calls listening with fascination or listening with intent.

At work:

Health care we care - do we? Going back four to five decades ago doctors were not doctors but more like an extended family. You would to them when you are sick and they would know your family.

Even now my mum visits an ayurvedic doctors who is so caring my mum believes his medicine is the best on the world. Now the question is it really the medicine which cures here or the compassion and care he shows. He sits and talks to her asks her about the whole family. Listens with intent. He gives her the space she needs while she is talking about her ailment. Every patient he sees, he makes his duty to give them time. Age is no bar and religion is no bar, and race is no bar. He puts in a genuine effort to meet them all. And the most surprising bit it he does it all for free. Mom believes that he has 'Shifa.' Shifa in Arabic translates to health.

My mum is Muslim, and the doctor is Hindu, but I have seen her love and respect for him. The doctor sees patients of all races, cultures and religions with the same passion and devotion. Now that's what I call to care. How many of us can relate to this example? What is this care which transcends religion and race? What is this devotion to care which has made people believe in the healing process of Ayurveda in this age of antibiotics and steroids?

My point in the above story is that 'CARE' transcends race, religion, nationality, culture, colour, and sex. There is no limit to what it can accomplish. Pure, unconditional, not materialistic, and egalitarian.?

We can apply the same rule of emotional investment here. Do we really care about our jobs? The tangible side of things is important, but I am more concerned about the intangible side. You should care about the feelings, emotions, and CARE you have for one another at work. In spite of the fact that money does matter, people are looking for an organization that cares about them, their values, their professional and personal lives, their development, their careers, their emotions, their financial, mental, physical, social, economic, and psychological well-being.

Verdict:

The big question is how to CARE, and we have discussed so many issues. It is understandable that we face many challenges at work and at home. Our work has become so operational that we don't have time to care. At home, the situation is similar. It is so stressful and draining at work that we don't have time to reflect and care for ourselves or others.

I created a CARE framework with four key elements after reviewing all the above points.

CARE:

C: Compassion ?

A: Assurance ?

R: Relationships ?

E: Emotional Intelligence ?

Below is an infographic that is not intended to be exhaustive but a reflective guide to self-reflect and become a better version of ourselves.??

Written by; Dr. Idrees A Mohammed (PhD)

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Criteria:

Any associated subject on yoour thoughts around Emapthy in the workpalce and/or emotional intelligence leadership pratice - including how we can all engage in the art of EQ skills. Any similar is fine.