Are we in a relationship?

When it comes to business relationships it is not really always 100% clear who you consider a close relationship and who you consider just a person you see around.

People come and go into different levels.

I remember speaking to someone who called every person they spoke to a client.

Another person I spoke to did not consider a having relationship with someone unless they met and had a 60 minute lunch together.

On LinkedIn the first step is to connect with someone based on your personal connection strategy. Once you make that connection, you need to determine how to classify that connection.

Here is my LinkedIn connection strategy that I consider before I accept a connection on LinkedIn.

1. Do I recognize the contact? Have I met them, have I spoken to them? Do we have mutual contacts that I know very well?
2. Do I want to get to know this person? Do they seem like they would be interesting to me? Can they be a client or referral partner for me? Can I be a client or referral partner for them?
3. Is this person even REAL? Are they a fan of my content? Are they engaged with me in some way or are they just hoarding connections and clicking connect with every person they find?

Once we connect, I need to communicate so I can find out more about this person. A 15 minute call tells me a ton about the person but I can also find out lots from a direct message.

The first message I always send out is a message with a greeting.

“Thank you for connecting with me on LinkedIn” should do for now.

Now for the big question… Are we in a relationship?

When I breakdown my connections, I have people who I recognize and people who I do not even recognize. For the people that I recognize, they fall into people that are strategic and people who are not strategic. From there, I prioritize the top people that I want to stay top of mind with proactively.

When I am looking at a content to determine if I want to go deeper, I think about three things.

1. Communication Style
2. Availability & Willingness To Connect
3. Common Interests & Passions

Let’s break these three down.

Communication style is all about how you communicate. Most people do not respond quickly to communication. Rephrase. Most people do not respond AT ALL to communication. LOL.

You will be surprised at the number of people who go to networking events, give you their business card, say "email me and let's talk," and when I email them… CRICKETS.. I call them and leave them a voicemail.. CRICKETS.. I send them a text message and a connection on social media… CRICKETS… When I see them again, they say they saw all the communication but did not get a chance to respond. They promised they would get back to me but I do not count on them making it a priority.

There are people that have busy times in their life and during those times they are not able to communicate and I get it. People are busy.

If someone does not share the same communication style as me, they will not be hearing from me very often. I like communicating with people that respond to messages, even if they need to look into things or they do not have an answer right away. JUST LET ME KNOW.

Availability is about how busy are you to be able to spend a few minutes with me connecting and getting to know me. How interested are you in building a meaningful relationship with other people? Not everyone cares about making new friends. There are people who are happy with their circle of friends and are not interested in expanding that circle at this time.

When someone makes it CLEAR that they are not interested in building a relationship because they are not available or do not have the willingness to connect, I let them have their space.

I do not take it as rejection, it's just a preference they have and we keep it cordial. I am fine focusing my time and effort on people who make themselves available to building a relationship.

Common interests is the third factor that I consider when I think about a relationship. If you want me to be interested in you, you have to have something in common with me. That is how most humans are. We like people who are like us.

I have plenty of friends that have VERY LITTLE in common with me but there are some anchors that tie us together. If we cannot find any common ground, there will be very little for us to talk about.

In business, I like talking about sales, marketing, technology, IT, culture, training, networking, business development and ideas that drive business growth. This is why I get along with 99% of CEOs. I am super interested in their vision and how they grew their business.

I am always up for a conversation about personal development, coaching, inspiration, growth and anything that has to do with the day to day challenges that we face as humans. I love humor and I love exploring and asking lots of questions about a variety of topics. For me it's easy to get along with everyone because I let others do most of the talking. I will drive the conversation most of the time. Not everyone likes all that attention but most people do.

The things I do not like talking about is GOSSIP, POLITICS, RELIGION, NEWS, SPORTS, OTHER PEOPLE, etc. I just like talking about ideas, strategies and having fun doing it.

Some people might call me weird but I am ok with that. Other people's opinions are none of my business.

How many people do you know right now that have the same communication style as you? How many people are available and interested in building a relationship with you and share common interests with you?

I would challenge you to make a list of 150 people and set up a call with those people in the next 90 to 180 days. Maybe even get a date on the calendar for a drink or lunch. Identify your top 15 for the YEAR that you will nurture and go deep with!

I had a conversation with someone who told me about how he splits up his connections to and said he has an ABC system. “A” connections get outreach monthly. “B” connections once a year and “C” connections never get outreach unless it's needed.

It's so interesting to breakdown your connections and give them categories. I love reviewing my connections. I usually look at all my connections once every 90 days and reach out letting people know that I am thinking of them.

What is your system for staying top of mind with your connections?

How do you build relationships?

Let me know in the comments below.

Joe Apfelbaum

Ajax Union

PS: If you want to learn how to properly leverage LinkedIn, join our upcoming webinar at https://learn.socialsellin.com/webinar you will learn how to take your LinkedIn experience to the next level! Hope to see you there!

Relationship Building Blocks

Safe: Safety is the first and most important feeling and emotion every human needs to feel before they will begin open up to others

Care: Once they feel safe, then I need to show them I care by asking them about themselves to get to know them better and start to create a deeper connection

Honesty: After feeling safe and cared for, if I am are totally honest with them and others, this is how I will gain their respect, because people will believe in what I say and do

Respect: As I show and give respect, this leads to building trust over time by repeatedly being respectful in all my thoughts, words and actions

Trust: When people feel they can trust a person or an organization, they become committed and engaged, which will grow the relationship from the sharing the same values

Commitment: Commitment is the culmination of all these steps in this sequence, which creates a long lasting bond as long, as all these values are kept up and repeated

Which one resonates with you the most?