If We Really Knew One Another There Would Be No Need for Polite Conversation

Recently, some conversations on Twitter have me wrestling intently with a measure of despair over where diversity, equity and inclusion will progress in the future. And to be quite honest, it feels like despair might be winning.

Why is it winning? It largely boils down to how scarce real, authentic relationships and conversations are between diverse individuals, especially Black men and White men.

 Very few of us live truly integrated lives. I’ve been saying this for a while.

We have so very little insight often times into the everyday lives and struggles of those different from us. This was so apparent in seeing this “tweet conversation” between two men: one Black, one White, who truly know one another as they discuss challenges in the workplace in an industry (advertising) they both have excelled.

How many of us have authentic relationships like this with people different from us? How many of us could have had this conversation, and no one got defensive or feelings were hurt? That’s where the despair gained a stronghold with me. Too few of us can answer this in the positive.

So, with the author’s permission who we identify as "D", let’s listen in on this conversation posted between him and his friend "W".

W: "D, can I tell you something? You Black men are f****d. Of course, y'all aren't getting hired by shops. We'll hire Black women before Black men - we don't see them as a threat. Black men? Ain't happening," a CD and close friend of mine shared with me. I was so thankful.

W:  "Man, every time you send us a name, someone here finds an excuse why this person will not fit without even interviewing the person. Leadership wants to say we've tried but not really. That's some b******t. How are you not angry?" he asks.

D: "We talk like this because we're friends, almost family. I know his heart, and how many times he's recommended me for positions or assignments. He is always honest with me, and me with him. I welcome him saying this, it tells me that Black folks aren't crazy. This crap is real".

W: "I can't believe that in 30 plus years, advertising is worse off concerning diversity/inclusion for Black people than it was in the 70's and 80's".

D: "His words weren't meant to hurt; our conversation went a lot deeper on this. We talked for hours trying to figure out a solution. He thinks his white male counterparts are afraid. They don't know what a more diverse and inclusive advertising looks like or means to them. And that's something we have to deal with. This fear is unspoken and that makes it dangerous".

D: " Don't hate on my friend. He trusts me enough to speak the things no one else will. Dealing with my creative project and trying to convince folks how we need to play together is exhausting. Then I have a talk like this which shows how working/playing together has built a bond".

D: "I'm sharing this with permission but I refuse to share his name. He's my friend. I can always use more honest friends like him. He will always be welcome at the picnic. Yeah, his Black card is platinum!"

So DEI advocates, I ask of you, what are you doing, how are you helping to change this narrative? Where are your conversations with as much meat as this?