Are we really connected... or only virtually?

Today, we are connected by the Internet and mobile devices. I am communicating with you now that way. Many businesses are connected with their customers by Instagram, twitter, Snapchat and Facebook. These devices and tools are fast becoming mandatory for all of us, starting at, (or even before), adolescence. Yet I have a sense that this eruption of ‘connected’ technology is pushing society apart rather than bringing us together.

Having many likes or followers or ‘friends’ on these social networks gives the impression of acceptance and achievement. These notions, in other times, were a springboard for referral to success. The more people you truly know and can understand the more valuable you become as a connector and relationship broker. How real are these connections though? Having 5000 connections on an online network might have value in terms of audience you can reach. However, just as quickly, as many great numbers of friends can be had, so too can they be lost through a deceitful troll or a misstep in a post.

In day-to-day life, it has become normal and mundane to interact solely with your phone, tablet or laptop. Human communication has been lost to the degree that we even take our personal computers (phones) to dinner with us and tap away as we ignore our surroundings. Most alarmingly, researchers have proposed that a non-inconsequential drop off in the employment rate of young male is due to gaming addiction. 

That can’t be good for the long-term viability of one-on-one, in the flesh, conversations. It's important to understand the future of how social networks will connect us and what is the value, or capital, of these social connection, i.e., Social Capital.

 How is social capital changing? It feels as if people are doing more, but doing it alone. Attendances at team sporting events are dropping in many instances. Rugby League and Rugby Union attendances are down markedly. Some professional athletes stream video games as a way to connect with fans. More people are working from home or studying university online. So socially we are less and less connected, even as more and more of us participate in activities.

What will this lead to? People who are Instagram Heroes and are (online) socially acceptable, yet terribly lonely?

What is the best way to socialise for human happiness?

Those of us that are more extraverted in the traditional sense will still be successful using just the basic tool of say a smart phone. The phone provides channels to communicate and organize true social interactions in person,

Will the more introverted achieve more social acceptance where they embrace all the social media tools available? Or does the online connection provide a false sense of connection that is in fact more detrimental to the mental health of the introvert than not being connected ?

We aren’t truly connected and we haven’t truly mastered the art of connection with other humans until we can be comfortable in face-to-face interactions. That challenge can be from the casual hello on a bus, a shared coffee, all the way to an important public speech.

Where it goes wrong?

It’s natural that you do the easiest things first. Teens who are just finding their way are given these tools and start with them first. It's much less confronting than having to make awkward conversation face-to-face, when really you have very little life experience. Much easier to cut and paste others experience into an online tool in a controlled way, where you are not rushed and your total responsibility is just commentary.

Where do you learn the art of impromptu conversation and being able to read body language and the emotional intelligence necessary for success?

Well you don't through these online tools. These online tools are only conversations starters or reinforcers. They need to be completed with physical contact to complete the whole person.

What happens when the picture is not completed?

People go out less, date less, and feel more depressed and suicidal. Studies have shown that the higher the ratio of screen time to face-to-face time correlates to:

• Going out with less friends, and on fewer dates;
• Less interest in driving;
• Feeling lonely a lot more often;
• Increased rates of sadness, depression and suicide.

Adolescence has always been a hard time, and a lot of kids feel left out or ignored by their peers. Smartphones and social media make it even worse because when people do go out, without you, they post pictures of their activities, making it clear how much fun they were having (even if they were not)

So, are we really connected… or only just Virtually?

We are connected more than ever before and more quickly. Information should be more real and verifiable, fake news should have less of a chance. However when enough people have an interest in promoting a myth, it becomes accepted as reality. Fake Lives are also becoming more prevalent, with a pretence of living a celebrity lifestyle with none of the work required to achieve that success. That is the damaging thing. Young Introverted people, who in past situations struggled to feel accepted, now perceive an insurmountable hill to climb for social acceptance.

There appears to be a parallel with business automation, which attempts to rid us of the mundane in everyday processes so a business can concentrate on strategic planning, and their core activities. In a social environment, social tools are allowing you to broadcast what you want to say to a wider coterie of friends, instantly, also to make appointments, recommend books, plays etc. This should free your time for more intimate one on ones with particular friends or sub groups of friends. The skill is therefore recognising how to blend the online with the face to face. The online engagement is quick and effective. In todays' world knowledge and use of these tools can be essential to prevent isolation. Although the internet has become a key tool in social life, there has to be a balance between technology and time with the ones we love and want to support and grow with. In this case it is key that family time (such as dinner time), as well as business meetings should be distraction free.

It is also important that your choices in the use of digital is appropriate to build social ties for further nurturing

References 

Smartphones and specifically social media being linked to a rise in teenage suicides

Does technology connect or isolate us

Study of young men who have dropped of seeking employment due to gaming addictions

Low attendance in sport matches

 Pro-athlete gaming network