We Need to Talk About the 'C' Word

The C Word

Commitment. That’s how all transformation starts. If you want to change your life first you have to make the commitment to yourself. This is your life. No one is coming to save you. And change can only happen if you commit to it 100%.

There are a few other C words that are important too. Clarity, confidence, courage, connection… but none of them are any use to you unless you have made a commitment. I talk about that in my LinkedIn post today and how many men have agreed to work with me only to disappear when it comes to crunch time and putting their hand in their pocket.

You can read that post here https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/danglydecoach_are-you-ghosting-yourself-ive-activity-7196041593605304320-LVhd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

Mental Health Awareness Week

It irks me that we feel the need to have awareness weeks. But actually anything that gets us talking about this stuff has to be a good thing. The trouble is a lot of wellbeing bullshit will be spouted and propagated this week and most people won't have increased their understanding or awareness of what mental health even means.

Some people use the term mental health to mean poor mental health. Some people think poor mental health is mental illness, they are very different things.

Leaders and managers feel ill equipped to deal with mental health because they simply don’t understand what it means and they think it’s their job to fix people if they come to them with mental health issues. Newsflash. It isn’t.

For me, it’s just ‘health’. The fact that we feel the need to separate out mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health is a massive part of the problem. Treating these things in isolation doesn’t work.

Often poor mental health will show up physically. Skin problems, muscle tension, headaches, poor digestion, putting on weight… and if you go see your doctor he’ll prescribe you something for the physical symptoms. And you’ll still have poor mental health.

There has been some tremendous research lately about how the health of our gut determines our mental health. And how poor gut health can lead to poor mental health.

Physical and mental health are so interlinked I think we ought to just talk about self care, wellbeing and high performance. People understand those terms. Especially us men. High performance = good mental health.

I see a lot these days about ‘safe spaces’ and getting people to talk. But until we normalise caring for yourself and caring for your fellow humans, until as a culture we appreciate that this is strength and not weakness. Until we stop thinking we are all in competition, until we stop believing in scarcity and self reliance it will not be normalised.?

We also need to stop celebrating poor mental health. Stress is often worn like a badge of honour. Anxiety and worry is talked about as if it’s a given and it’s normal to ruminate about the past and worry about the future. It isn’t. That's poor mental health. I didn’t sleep a wink last night worrying about… should not be celebrated, it doesn’t mean you care. It means you have poor mental health.

I’d love to hear from you if you disagree.

International Coaching Week

It’s always international ‘something’ week isn’t it!! As well as being mental health awareness week it’s also international coaching week too. And as someone who believes coaching will change the world I should probably mention it!

Coaching has transformed my life. I used to have poor mental health. I didn’t know it at the time. Counselling and coaching completely changed that. I worked with a high performance coach. What that really means is a mental fitness coach. Like having a personal trainer for your mind.

Getting a coach really helped me get to know and understand myself. Who I was. What I really wanted from life. And I’ve worked with at least one coach ever since, normally several! I think everybody should have a coach. Not because they need it, nobody needs a coach, but because it allows you to perform at your best.

A coach will help you see what are currently blind spots. To help you unpick the stories you tell yourself. To notice the beliefs that hold you back and stop you from living an exciting adventurous and epic life. Because what’s the point in living any other way? That looks different for everyone. Not everyone wants to climb mountains and swim lakes and lochs like I do. But whatever that looks like for you, having a coach will help you make it happen.

Will your coaching help me be a better conversationalist?

A client once asked me this question before he signed up to work with me. I said yes. Not because I could teach him how to have better conversations or be a better raconteur. But because I understood that the fact he thought he wasn’t a good conversationalist was a belief he had about himself. And I suspected it wasn’t true. I suspected he was comparing himself to others, thinking I want to be more like that.?

All he needed was confidence and a belief that what he had to say was interesting to others. He was afraid of upsetting or offending people. And I really felt that. So we worked on the belief that he was responsible for how other people felt.

I got him to understand that he was a good bloke and that as long as he came from a place of love he had nothing to fear in terms of upsetting others. And even if he did all he had to do was own it and apologise. Amazing the stories we tell ourselves about what we are and aren’t capable of.

I cannot sell you the concept of coaching

You have to experience it. It’s only when you experience coaching you get to see how powerful it is. So for that reason I’m offering anyone reading this (who hasn’t had one already) the opportunity to have a free deep dive breakthrough coaching session. 90 minutes dedicated to serving you and getting you moving in an area of your life where you feel stuck. There are a few slots available, use this link to book yourself in

https://calendly.com/danglydecoach/coaching-session

If we have yet to have a chat, and you’re not sure whether coaching is for you or how it works, or if you just want to have a cuppa and talk about football then book yourself in on this link

https://calendly.com/danglydecoach/virutal-cuppa

I know it says ‘virutal’ instead of virtual, but I can't seem to change it, and anyway I find it catches peoples attention. See you on Google Meet!!!

Prioritise. Optimise. Execute. ????

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