We Need To ‘Normalize’ Emotions in Childhood!

For generations, emotions have been misunderstood, dismissed, or outright feared. Many of us were taught—explicitly or implicitly—that emotions are inconvenient, messy, or even shameful. Tears were labeled as weakness, anger as disrespect, and joy as frivolous. Yet, emotions are not a problem to be fixed; they are an integral part of what makes us human.

Emotions exist for a reason. They’re not random occurrences or nuisances to suppress; they’re signals. Think of them as the body’s internal compass, guiding us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves and our experiences. When we feel anger, it might be a signal that a boundary has been crossed. Sadness might point to something we need to grieve or let go of. Joy reminds us what we value most. But when we ignore these signals—when we dismiss or downplay emotions—we lose touch with these inner messages.

Unfortunately, many of us grew up in cultures where being emotional was equated with weakness or instability. The unspoken rule was to “keep it together” or “just get over it.” As a result, we learned to stuff emotions down, second-guess what we were feeling, or pretend that everything was fine when it wasn’t. But denying emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it buries them. Over time, they fester, often manifesting in unhealthy behaviors, unresolved conflicts, or even physical symptoms.

This cultural tendency to avoid emotions has deprived us of a key part of self-knowledge. It’s as if we’ve been walking around with a finely tuned radar but refusing to use it. And it’s a legacy that many parents unintentionally pass on to their children.

Model Emotional Authenticity!!?

If we want to break this cycle, we need to normalize emotions—not just for ourselves but for the next generation. Children look to adults for cues on how to navigate the world. When parents or caregivers model emotional authenticity, they send a powerful message: emotions are normal.

Normalizing emotions doesn’t mean reacting impulsively or letting emotions dictate every decision. It’s about showing children that it’s okay to feel, and equally important, that it’s possible to process those feelings constructively. This means making talking about emotions a normal thing to do. This might mean a parent saying, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm down.” Or, “I felt sad earlier, but talking about it helped me feel better.”

Through such modeling, parents demonstrate not only that emotions are natural but also how to handle them with awareness and care. This doesn’t just teach children emotional intelligence—it gives them permission to be human. When parents are uncertain about what to say, or tend to immediately want to ‘fix’ a situation, practice asking more questions. When you’re able to be curious, it gives children the opportunity to express as best they can, what is going on internally. In this way, with practice, children learn to tune into their feelings. They can learn to pay attention to their body’s signals (when they arise), which are their emotions telling them to pay attention, I have something to tell you!’?

The Unique Challenges of a “Phone-Based Childhood”

Today’s children face a unique set of challenges. As Jonathan Haidt has described in his newly published book, ‘The Anxious Generation,’ kids are growing up in a “phone-based childhood,” where screen time has replaced much of, if not all of the free, unstructured play that previous generations took for granted. Understandably this was taken for granted because ‘smart phones’ didn’t exist.?

Free play is where children learn the art of navigating emotions in real-time. It’s where they encounter disagreements, experience the sting of rejection, and feel the exhilaration of triumph. These experiences—messy and intense as they may be—are essential for building resilience and emotional maturity. There is little to no opportunity for children to practice these important skills of community living, in a virtual world. In a virtual world, there’s no opportunity to learn to ‘read’ people, learn subtle nuances of facial expressions and body gestures in the way they would in real life.

But when play is constantly structured, supervised, or replaced by virtual interactions, children miss out on these critical opportunities. They don’t get to practice resolving conflicts with friends, figuring out compromises, or even managing their own boredom. And when they don’t get these experiences, their emotional muscles don’t develop as they ought to.

A Call For Action! Change CAN Happen!

If we want to raise emotionally intelligent children, we need to give them the tools—and the space—to experience their emotions fully. This starts with us as adults. When we learn to acknowledge, name, and process our own emotions, we model these skills for the children around us. We show them that it’s okay to feel deeply and that those feelings are valuable, even when they’re uncomfortable.

Equally important, we need to create environments where children can have real-life experiences with their peers. This means allowing for unstructured play, giving them the freedom to make mistakes, and resisting the urge to micromanage their social interactions. Yes, they’ll argue. Yes, they’ll sometimes get hurt—physically or emotionally. But these moments are not failures, which is ridiculous to even think; they’re opportunities for growth. Many of us reading this, if not the majority, likely had the kind of freedom I’m referring to. This freedom also builds trust within the child—of their own abilities, though also trust in the child by the adult is growing, as the adult sees the child really IS reflecting their ability to make smart choices. This ‘baby-step’ way of building trust in children will help parents when their children are older, as they are ready to leave the home of their youth, and enter the greater world as a young adult. A few months ago, before I read or even had heard of Johnathan Haidt, I was thinking about my life, and the freedoms I had, and thought: If I had kids, would I have been as trusting as my parents were with me…at all those different ages, when I had freedoms…walking just under a mile to school with my brother, with friends, and eventually on my own, in first grade? I can’t truthfully say. By 3rd grade, I was allowed to walk downtown with friends after school. While these things might not be possible, nor desirable for everyone, allowing children opportunities while they are young—to grow and develop a sense of autonomy— is what’s most important.?

As Dr. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, writes, “When we ignore our emotions, we’re robbing ourselves of the ability to truly understand who we are.” By teaching children to pay attention to their emotions, to the messages they send through the body, we help them build a foundation of self-awareness that will serve them for a lifetime.

Emotions are not weaknesses to overcome. They are strengths to cultivate. They are the threads that weave connection, empathy, and resilience into the fabric of our lives. By normalizing emotions—for ourselves and for our children—we embrace the fullness of what it means to be human. And in doing so, we give the next generation the tools they need to thrive, not just survive.