Are We More Wired & Less Connected?

“I hate to text.”   “It’s hard for me to make you understand how I feel about this.”  “Can we just talk?

I had this epiphany today. We are more connected and share more information on a daily basis than ever before. Add to that we are exponentially finding more ways to share more information by way of other media and it only appears to be moving faster and knowing more. So why is it that we find ourselves so disconnected from others.

I don’t think that the answer is that far from anyone’s consciousness. The simple act of hearing someone’s voice and being in their presence is in a fashion, connecting. I watch my 12-year-old and he seeks out face to face interaction. Friends and family, he wants to see people when he engages them. He instinctively knows that communication is more than just information. It is a flow of subtle cues. It is the nuance of tone and tenor, pace and structure that really communicates. What is missing from our wired existence? Emotion. You can’t have a heated conversation over a text string. I can’t email you the disappointment I'm feeling.

What we crave is a connection. The ability to exchange information bridges distance. But it doesn’t bridge disconnection. Suicide rates, loneliness, and depression rates are at epidemic levels and still we seek to text more email more and find innumerable ways to not share emotion.

Here’s my somewhat cynical conclusion. We are all cowards! To some degree, we have found it much easier to tweet, snap, post or blog than risk the consequences of real human connection. Yep, this is self-imposed and I'm not alone in the conclusion…

I stumbled across an article in Psychology Today. I was both disappointed about being correct and invigorated and determined to do something about it.

"While the digital age imbues our life with instantaneous and wide-ranging connectivity, it also creates pseudo-connectivity, where “friends” may number in the “thousands;” yet, there may not be a single living, breathing person with whom there is a true emotional connection. Human psychology is “hardwired” toward a desire to fit in with others. Belonging remains critical to a sense of one’s well-being. Psychologically, that sense of “I don’t fit in” can be devastating. When one feels disconnected it may lead to feeling “less than” others. It may engender a sense of alienation, lack of validation and feeling judged and rejected. Or, it can result in rage (think of the violence committed by the alienated, isolated individual). Or, it may contribute to being risk-aversive, and result in avoiding others for fear of rejection or discomfort. " (Sreenivasan, 2016)

After I read it and there’s more, all I could think was this isn’t right. We have to do something. It goes on to some of the positive aspects and the benefits of speed and information but closes with a rather ominous warning.

"Positive emotional and physical connections to people lead to empathy, which is a profound dimension of the human experience. It is what promotes kindness, concern, and  altruism ; it feeds the human spirit and it is something we don’t want to lose." Daniel Miller and contributors, 1998

The next generation is grasping something that the late boomers, gen xer’s and even the millennials are missing…It is that face to face contact is important

The old adage to do business right, you have to look into their eyes and shake their hands. Life is like that too. There is intense value in connecting the human spirit with others cannot be supplanted with simply sharing of information. Meet and greet, in my opinion, needs to be the norm, not the exception. We have to drive connecting the human spirit and human connection with face to face engagement.

Encourage your children to talk not text. Playdates should not be over the computer. Make sure they (our kids, our family, and our contemporaries) are engaged in conversations with both family and friends. This very human skill cannot be lost. I believe it is the essential component of our ability to absorb emotions with knowledge, meaning with verbiage and content with context.  It is our responsibility to re-engage and teach all humans by example that people need to be with people physically to really be with them emotionally.

Sales Leader at Konica Minolta, Founder of SalesLinkage.com, Trainer, Facilitator, Public Speaker, Coach and Mentor,

Robert Can Be Reached at (562) 547-9048 or [email protected]