They We Me: Gauging & Transforming Accountability & Responsibility Attitudes

Want to gauge how much someone does or doesn’t embrace personal accountability and responsibility??Here is a tip:

Listen for 3 simple words: “They”, “We”, “Me”.

Do you hear: “They should really do something!” or “We should really do something!” or “I should really do something!”??

“They should…” or “They did…” indicates that the person sees themselves as removed from the situation, the person is simply an observer.??

“We should…” or “We did…” is language that shows the person feels closer to the actions or decisions.?

“I should…” or “I did…” shows the individual is right up close, they are not only in the midst of what is going on, but they are personally involved at some level.

?How can you use this in real life??Are you on the look-out for who might be ready for the next step in their career path??Do you want a clue as to know who is interested in moving forward??Are you looking for warning signs as who might be in the “wrong seat”??

?Try this:?Next time you your team has an issue to solve, do some brainstorming.?Start with: “Let’s brainstorm some creative ideas about…[pick anything: strategy, safety, mentoring, quality of work, succession planning, the company party, etc.]”?Make sure you get lots of ideas; some practical, crazy, wild, boring, everything (because this is how innovative notions are uncovered and collaborative idea building happens).?Then send the group off to do a little reality checking, maybe some research, etc.?Bring the group back together (be sure to include decision makers with authority), listen to the findings, pick a few to take on.?The next step is to ask: “How do we get there??What do we need to do??Let’s build an action plan, who is first?”?

?Now, listen and watch for what happens next.?

?Most likely you will have 3 camps:?

• The Engaged
• The Exempt
• The Disengaged

The Engaged.?These are the folks at the table who start saying things like: “My team and I can work on…” or “I will take this part”.?Once they agree to a deliverable and a date, they have taken accountability and responsibility for progress and accomplishing work.?Of course, maybe the person is “full of it” and won’t fulfill any of the promises but they know how to put on a great show.?This article isn’t meant to address those yahoos.?Silent people can be engaged even though they are not saying much, this is where listening with your eyes comes in: body language, note taking, etc.

The Exempt.?People who confine input regarding actions to “they should blah blah blah” or “I told you all…” or maybe they are just stubbornly silent, you get the idea.?These are the ones to watch more closely.?Do these people bring anything to the table that shows they are looking for ways they and/or their team can contribute? ?You asked for creativity, are they being creative or singing the same old song??Do they appear to think all actions must come from “the top” first? ?Surely that can’t be true.?Beware of solely “they” language.?It can indicate anything from simple communication style to frustration to disenfranchisement or worse; a poisoning influence on others.

The Disengaged.?These characters are a little bit more tough to pin down.?Are they afraid to speak up??If so, should they be in the room at all??Do they disagree and have decided to stay out of it for whatever reason??Have they been shut down so many times they are just waiting to be told what to do??Who knows, but I hope you can dig deeper to find out.

?When listening and watching for the Engaged, Exempt, and Disengaged during meetings and conversations, it is easy to look beyond the tiles and acronyms behind each person’s name and discern who the real leaders are.

Several years ago, I was lucky enough to have an opportunity to lead the design and delivery a 2-day course intended to strengthen personal commitment to building and strengthening the safety culture of a construction firm that already had a solid safety track record.?The company had been doing safety leadership training for years, each branch had strong safety leaders and safety training, several of their projects and teams had been recognized by the industry for top-notch safety practices and results.?The CEO was still not satisfied.?He wanted more, he wanted to have personal commitment to safety from each and every person.?In the end, the entire session was built to transform each person’s relationship with safety from “They should really do something about this…” to “We will not tolerate unsafe attitudes, behaviors, processes, or cultures which do not foster and support increasingly safe jobsites” to “What can I do immediately and daily to make our sites cleaner and safer so we can all make it home to our families at least as healthy as when we left that day.”?This example is a simplification of what was done but the outline and objective was: move the needle from thinking “they” to “we” to “me” so that people left thinking along the lines of: I am a leader, I model behaviors and attitudes to set the bar and inspire others to make getting beyond zero incidents and injuries a way of life, it is my daily imperative; at home and at work.

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The time I spent travelling the country to deliver this course was one of the most gratifying and satisfying times of my career.??

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That simple outline: They to We to Me was so effective, I have continued applying it to coaching, teaching, and operations optimization.?If I hear people who are in leadership roles repeatedly framing blame and/or actions with “they” then I know they are not taking personal accountability or responsibility for performance and results, it is time guide them to more personal thinking and action.?Conversely, if I hear successes mostly framed as “Me” or “I” statements then my radar hums because, well, you know the whole idea: successes belong to the team; failures belong to the leader. ?This kind of language tells me it is time help that person recognize and seek contributions from others.

Both are huge flags for questions like: Is this person the right person for this role??Is it time to re-evaluate their spot as a formal leader, manager, and/or individual contributor. Important questions which must be answered to ensure the right people are in the right roles at the right time.

?So, a fitting end to this little blurb is to say thank you to Randy Nemchin .?Thank you for being my collaborator, I am so happy we came up with this simple, effective model of “They to We to Me” together.?It was our crazy brainstorming that brought it about, it never would have happened without both of us.

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