We Make our Own Poison

There’s that scene in Good Will Hunting, you know the one. Not the iconic “how do you like them apples” moment outside the bar, but the just as memorable if not more impactful “it’s not your fault” scene.

Sean, the psychologist played by Robin Williams, tells Matt Damon’s eponymous Will Hunting character about the abuse he suffered as a child. Sean then tells Will that he doesn’t need to be ashamed or feel guilty about the abuse he suffered, either. Will says he understands, but it’s not until the tenth “it’s not your fault” that Will Hunting breaks down in acceptance.

The moment is emotional and powerful. It’s the entire movie summed up in four words. And Sean was right – the abuse wasn’t Will’s fault. We can’t help what fate or circumstance deal us, what people think of us or do to us.

We can’t help it, but too often we let it. We let guilt and doubt and shame poison our minds and contaminate our thoughts. We gaslight ourselves.

I’ve seen a lot this behavior over the past few years, even experienced it myself. The pandemic ended but for many the isolation remained. Connections frayed or got cut. The good times made us happy, but they also left us blind to those who would leave us behind as soon as life became too hard.

So we questioned our choices and our worth. We started sinking and self-medicating, feeling as useless as the broken chips at the bottom of the bag. We drifted so far outside ourselves as to be unrecognizable.

It seemed hopeless – but it was all a lie. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, we had the power to get back all along. We make our own poison, but that means we also have the antidote.

There are forces we can’t control. But we can always, always control how we respond.

It’s not your fault that some people ghosted you. It’s not your fault that you got laid off, or that the new job didn’t work out. And it’s definitely not your fault nor any reason to feel ashamed that you needed to talk to someone or get prescribed something to help you move forward.

We can cure ourselves, as long as we have the help and support from family and friends who are willing to tell us it’s not our fault over and over until we believe it. Not only will you feel better, but you will BE better than all those people who tossed you aside or put you down in the first place.

Now, how do you like them apples?