We are losing women leaders at an alarming rate due to them being overburdened. I get it. I wing it in my hoodie most days too. My journey so far#IWD

As we celebrate International Women's Day, everyone who knows me understands I find the topic difficult.

?The young, ambitious, exuberant Emma fought hard in the early days of her career for gender not to be an issue.

?I wanted to be recognized as a fantastic solicitor, a tenacious litigator, an effective leader and a trail blazer amongst my generation – I used to cringe when the pronoun "female" was used in any description of me – why what it needed?

?I always felt challenge was confrontational and served only to create a divide between myself and my male colleagues and it just wasn’t a narrative I wanted to run. Wasn’t this counter intuitive? I just wanted to be seen as equal and believed I was … but was I really a generation that could say that this had been achieved?

?As I have got older and wiser I learnt that there are huge differences which should be embraced, discussed and certainly not ignored.

?I have always fought hard to promote and support female colleagues but it was as if I didn’t recognize any traits in myself. I had risen rapidly through the ranks as a result of hard work, integrity, and ability. Before I had even hit 30 I was a partner at my first firm. At 33 I had my own practice. So what was this glass ceiling people talked of?

?I naturally built strong and loyal relationships quickly?and I understood business as well as the law and that made me stand out in a world of white, males in grey suits … a demographic of people I aspired to be without really questioning the characteristics of those I wished to emulate or how the lack of diversity all those years ago would ultimately stifle the development of the profession I love so much if it didn’t evolve.?

?I joined Ward Hadaway as a partner in May 2020 and there was a fundamental change in my views.

?Firstly, it was lockdown. I had recently moved to Leeds, I lived by myself and having spent over 20 years working in the office every single day I found myself working from home and living at work. It was tough and I struggled. I didn’t know how to express this and I saw it as a huge weakness. I am dispute lawyer and I cannot be seen to buckle under pressure or show any vulnerability – it would ruin my reputation surely. My clients rely on my critical thinking and steely edge and I could not let on I missed my friends and family back at home and longed to sit in a bar with a glass of wine "talking shop". I was lucky, my Head of Department, along with my closest business partners recognized I had gone from being a very social, outward facing partner to being in unknown and isolating waters. The support I received during this time taught me Ward Hadaway was progressive, it genuinely cared and that I was in a safe environment to explore the person and lawyer I wanted to become.

?The second fundamental change was having a female business partner who really challenged my thinking. As close friends I found myself squirming during some of our conversations and to this day we disagree – a lot. However, I can never thank her enough to opening my eyes to the less obvious challenges women leaders face today.

?The third significant change for me was being integrated in to such a large firm. This meant the infrastructure was completely different to that which I had experienced. There was a focus on equality and diversity and an environment which enabled and encouraged open discussion. A firm which genuinely knows it hasn’t got everything right but it is taking huge leaps to move forward.

?In January 2022, when I was promoted to the Executive Partner for Leeds, I knew the firm had changed. I was a complete an utter wild card. I hadn’t been educated in a red brick university, I spoke with a Yorkshire accent, and I spent as much time focusing on business strategy as I did litigating. I can also assure everyone it is very rare I wear a grey suit! At this time our Managing Partner could have gone with what he knew. Instead he wanted change and he wanted me to be one of the faces of that change. That is real progression – the process of developing or moving towards a more advanced state. Whilst ever we continue to move then I know I am in the right place.

?I look back now and realize the sexism and discrimination I have faced over the years and I just wasn’t aware – or maybe, naively, chose to ignore. I thankfully never experienced the inappropriate touching or suggestive behavior, the leud comments or the refusal from the promotions board in case I became pregnant.

I unfortunately did experience mansplaining, the tea making, the minute taking and being the partner who always took responsibility for the pastoral side of the role.

?I look back now and recoil that I was told I shouldn’t wear a coloured suit jacket, that chunky jewellery was a no no and that when I was advocating I should lower my voice if I was ever to have the same gravitas in a room as my male counterparts.

?Fortunately, here at Ward Hadaway I refuse to buy into any of that "advice" and not because I am making a point but because I can just be myself. A woman, in her 40s, in love with her career, grateful for her colleagues and the opportunities presented to her. A woman striving to understand the person she is and who she wants to become. My evolution will never stop and I am at peace with that.

?The statistics surrounding the loss of female leaders in more recent times are frightening. We are losing women in top positions at an alarming rate as they seek a different balance in their life, complain of burn out and are no longer willing to battle in a world that still berates and belittles women for their choices. Women are fighting hard, but statistics show they are under huge amounts of pressure and are far more likely to have the "burden" of the additional roles in a business such as employee support, equality and diversity and business development. All the time whilst men are left solely to concentrate on bringing in the sales.

?We need to keep progressing. We need to recognize the challenges that female leaders face and we need to keep adapting. Ward Hadaway prides itself on being progressive. As a female leader undertaking a dual role within the firm, I feel lucky to have a voice to discuss these issues and to keep on moving towards that more advanced state.?