We live on in how we're remembered

It's been a month since we lost Stephen. I'd be lying if I said most of my days don't begin and end with tears.

Stephen was my life partner, my soulmate, and the first person to teach me unconditional love: knowing somebody's ugly parts, and embracing them anyway. He is also the father of our baby, 'Thumper,' who comes in a few short weeks. Sadly, Stephen won't have the chance to be a dad, which was top on his list of life goals.

In the last few weeks, I've had the chance to re-read years of text messages. I came across one of our earliest conversations on the purpose of a eulogy. He reminded me that it's important to tell the story of the person, because we live on in how we're remembered, and we should aspire to leave goodness, however little or fleeting. So I share his eulogy and a few of the lessons I've learned from such a great man, who left us too soon, but with a legacy of goodness.

May 31, 2024:

Many of you know that I spent time in the military, and sadly, this is not the first time I’ve had to eulogize a life taken too soon, though it may be the hardest. I’ve learned over the years that there is no way to do justice to a life in a short speech, no matter how skilled the orator. Instead, we can only reflect on the life lessons that we can take with us for the remainder of our journeys, and hope that our lives reflect their legacy a bit more. So I’ll do my best to capture the essence of a man who seemed larger than life, at least to me.?

Show love, everyday?

Stephen was a Christian, not just in title or belief, but in action. When we started dating, he would come to church with me, which I expected to be short lived. I soon realized that Stephen’s faith was a core part of his being. He epitomized love, in all that he did, and with all those he interacted with. Stephen held doors, genuinely conversed with wait staff and flight attendants, and befriended those around him. He made weekly visits to Mehmet, the bakery clerk at Publix, to share a cookie and stories from the week. But perhaps the greatest beneficiaries of Stephen’s love were myself, his little girl, and his mother. Stephen would begin every morning with ‘I love you,’ quickly followed by a request to sleep in and skip our workout. He would kiss our baby girl on my belly, and go visit his mother, to help around the house. Stephen bought us flowers every week to remind us of life’s beauty. He enjoyed playing with children and animals, especially dogs, because he said they understood unconditional love. It’s not surprising that all our nieces and nephews loved Stephen, and over the last few days, I’ve come to realize just how many lives he’s touched with his kind, gracious and loving heart. So I encourage each of you, to show love, to your family, your friends and to complete strangers, just as Stephen did.?

Help others

Stephen believed in helping others, especially those most in need. As a New York transplant, I learned to ignore the homeless and drug addicts. On a morning run in Victoria Park, Stephen and I came across an older man, living on a bench with a backpack. Stephen stopped running, (something he was always keen to do) and walked over to him. I stood behind to listen and he asked for his name, and if he could bring him anything. He walked back to me and said he needed to go home to find a poncho and a waterproof bag. He returned with a backpack full of supplies for Chris, including a bus pass. Such acts were so common for Stephen. The night before he died, he was working on finding someone to repair HVAC at the local dog shelter to prevent the dogs from overheating in the Florida summer. Stephen believed in helping the underdogs. He told me stories of his time in DC, where he did pro bono legal work for disabled veterans, or volunteered to mentor high risk youth with incarcerated parents, all with the aim of improving their outcomes. Stephen believed that everyone deserved a chance, and that we should help anyway we can. May his life serve as an example for us to give generously, and share our time, our talents, and our resources.?

Be grateful?

As the son of immigrant parents, Stephen was so grateful for all of his blessings. He would remind me to focus on all that we had, not what we didn’t. He recounted the struggles of his father, a surgeon who came from Ukraine to Canada with kidney disease, and worked tirelessly in a bakery, as a hospital aid, and doing odd jobs, until he was able to build a medical practice. He shared the stories of his mother, a Filipino physician, who was often discriminated against as a foreigner and as a woman, despite being top in her field in anesthesia. He would tell me that perseverance and gratitude were the keys to success. And despite his own setbacks, which I knew were weighing on him, he would smile and tell me that he was the luckiest man in the world. And despite all of the sadness that losing him has caused, I remind myself that knowing him, even for a short while, has made me the luckiest woman in the world, and I hope each of you feel the same.?

Find peace?

During our marriage course, I asked Stephen what our future would look like. I was hoping he would tell me about his views on our lifestyle: how many children he wanted, where we would live, and when we would marry. Instead, he responded with one word, ‘peaceful.’ I recall being frustrated with him, telling him that I needed more plans, more structure, more details. He told me that I was focused on all the wrong things, that all we needed was peace. He was not one to argue, he conceded on every fight, and he cherished quiet time, something I was never very good at. Stephen often attended a meditation called Mind Travel, which uses music to bring the heart and mind together to foster inspiration and awakening. He took me to beach meditations. The last we attended was after the start of war between Israel and Palestine, and the theme was peace. As we looked out at the ocean, holding hands, Stephen told me that even in chaos, we can find moments of peace, if we focus on the right things.?

I’ll conclude this with a wish that each of us can find peace, in the chaos and the pain, just as Stephen would want. May he rest in peace.

Stephen's father was a kidney transplant recipient. Stephen donated all of his organs. In his honor, we've established the Stephen Moroz Foundation to promote advocacy and equitable distribution for organ transplants.

Donations can be sent to https://gofund.me/62f236a6