We learnt life's method the hard way

To tell you my own life story, I was studious, which resulted into me getting a scholarship in college. One of my friends asked me for some money (Rs. 2500/-). He was my good friend, not best, and I was completely aware of his gambling and drinking habits. I wanted to say “No”, because I knew the importance of money at that moment of my life. I was aware of the fact that he will never return it, but I still lent him the money, which was obviously never returned.

It was my first breakup and I was leading a miserable life. There was this girl who was my junior and she started taking interest in me. I was uncomfortable, but she was pretty. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and she kept pushing me. Again, I wanted to say “No”, but it could have hurt her feelings. Unwillingly, I said Yes. And that relationship survived for a month only. Don’t judge me, I was an immature teenager back then.

There were many incidents in my life where I desperately wanted to say “No”, but ended up saying otherwise. And in return, I paid a huge price, not monetarily, but emotionally and mentally. But today, things have changed. I have changed for my own good. And I have learned the art of saying “No”. People call me rude, arrogant etc, but who cares about their opinion?

This is my life, these are my struggles. They will only give their absurd opinion which is never required. Sometimes people think that saying “NO” is hard because your image will get maligned or it will hurt other people. My question is, what will you do with your false pride? Maybe momentarily you will hurt people by saying “No”, but in the long term it will save you from huge disappointment.

This is what I learned the hard way: How to say “No” to the face when/where I am hesitant/uncomfortable. It comes with multiple benefits: You don’t have to lie. You don’t have to make excuses. You don’t have to justify anything. I refused to please others at the expense of my emotional well being. Even if it is saying “No” to the people who are used to hearing “Yes”. Learn the art of saying “No”. Don’t lie, don’t make excuses, don’t over explain yourself. Just simply decline.

There's this unofficial tradition to call close friends and relatives at midnight on their birthday. So, the next day, I expected the same. My sister was in a hostel in another city, so I was pretty sure I would get her call at midnight. My friends called me up but Sister dear did not. It was 12: 10 am and I felt betrayed. So, I decided to call her up demanding an explanation. Now I have this seemingly harmless habit of not saving phone numbers. So, I dialed a number which began with the same digits as hers.

Five rings later, the person picked up. I decided to deal with it like a mature person and ask what happened. Just kidding. I yelled, “Explain yourself, you idiot douche.” As Satan would have it, the number belonged to an aunt of mine who had been sleeping and was now, very, very pissed off. I hung up. Blocked her number. And stood still contemplating what I had done. And then comes the phone of my lovely sister. That night, I wrote in my diary the two important lessons I learned the hard way: Be careful what you wish for and Save phone numbers for use later.

Hey, I am not a stock market genius. But as a young adult, I had “invested” in the stock market. It was the year before the housing bubble burst. I was making easy money. I concluded that I was a genius. I was already dreaming about early retirement. Then the reverses started and I assumed they’d be temporary. Then more reverses. Then even more reverses. Each time, I responded by throwing good money after bad.

Then I was addicted to day trading. I couldn’t believe that I, the genius, was losing money. My pride wouldn’t let me reach the rational conclusion: I had been lucky at first because the stock market was going up. I quit the stock market and licked my wounds for a few years. At the end of med school, I borrowed an extra 2 L to “invest.” At first, I was only going to buy very long calls with expiration dates of 1+ year. Then, my roommate was making a killing buying penny stocks of marijuana companies. I got jealous and followed his strategy. I promptly lost more than half my investment money. I quit for 4 years.

Then, earlier this year, I kept expecting the market to crash, and it kept not crashing. Finally, at the peak of the market in late January, I bought some long options. I was going to do spreads to limit my exposure, but I got greedy. The market promptly crashed and I lost 4 L. Overall, I’ve probably lost 4 L over my decade of “investments.” I think it’s fair to say that I am emphatically not a stock market genius. Thankfully, that is about how much my house has appreciated. So, I suppose I’m about even on my investments.

Please do not give me investment advice. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve read it all. And at times, I can swear I’ve internalized it. But, being the mortal that I am, I sometimes think that the good advice is for others and doesn’t apply to me. Lesson learned… for now. Cheers!