We Are Humans: Vulnerability in Times of Crisis

Open discussions about mental health are often avoided, especially by those who fear how they will be judged in their professional and personal lives. Talking about these issues in a post-COVID market amidst economic and social crises is crucial. This post is based on situations I've experienced directly or indirectly and offers insights on navigating these challenges.

Before continuing, it’s important to note that I am not a health professional but a designer focused on user experience and people management. This post is part of the series We Are Humans, where I will address various topics like this one.

Cultural Context and Its Impact on Mental Health

What will they think of me? Will they fire me? Will they think I can’t do my job? That I can’t perform like others? That I’m not cut out for this? Am I enough?

If you come from a culture where you’re judged all the time for everything you do, say, wear, where you’re from, where you live, you’ve likely questioned yourself like this at some point in your life. Often, we don’t realize it, but it hurts.

Mental health has always been a taboo. Many from my generation, Millennials, and the generations before us, have been and still are afraid to talk about mental health-related topics openly due to exposure. There’s a concern about how others will perceive you, what they will think, say, and criticize. In the workplace, there’s the additional fear of reprimands, bullying, and even firings.

Oh yes, people are still fired for going through mental health issues. Recently, during a conversation with someone in my network who was laid off during one of the waves of layoffs happening worldwide, they told me that when they spoke to their manager about how they were feeling and what they were going through, they heard things like, “This is part of the job” and “You need to be more confident.” This person was going through burnout, triggered by impostor syndrome, and they weren’t heard or supported; instead, they were dismissed with the justification of underperforming.

Unfortunately, due to the pressure to meet targets and growing demands, many managers don’t have the time or don’t prioritize dedicating themselves to the people they lead. They lose talent because they don’t listen, understand, or help them find ways to recover. On the other hand, this seems to happen in a domino effect, as many of these managers are also struggling with mental health issues.

The Current Scenario

Concern for employee well-being has grown positively over the past few years, and we see companies that "apparently” are working on better internal policies and benefits.

But why “apparently”? In the end, it’s all about business, and in a post-COVID sick economy, many companies needed and still need to put the human factor on the back burner. I don’t necessarily agree or disagree, but I try to see it from both the employee and the business. Remember that this is the economic system we live in, and in times of crisis—yes, we are in one if you haven’t noticed—companies are required to do whatever it takes to keep the business alive.

In times like the ones we’re going through, the market weakens, and investors start demanding companies take new directions and be more aggressive, forcing them to produce more with fewer resources and people—in other words, high performance, and focus. And what can we expect shortly? Possibly, more and more people are going through burnout due to pressure and new waves of layoffs in various sectors.

It’s inevitable that in this chaotic scenario, professionals, many with stable careers who have dedicated years of their lives to a company, will struggle to maintain their mental health. They don’t know if they’ll have their jobs tomorrow, if their partners will have theirs, if they’ll be able to pay the rent or mortgage, for example. I don’t know about you, but I often find myself thinking about this, and yes, fear strikes hard.

I Have My Fears, Too

Remember the questions from the first section? Well, I’ve asked myself all of them at various moments in my life, and I confess that I still do, maybe not with the same frequency or impact they once had on my self-confidence. Several people in my social circles have been laid off in recent years, some more than once. Many of these professionals, some very close friends, have been out of work for months or years, unable to re-enter the job market. Professionals who, until recently, were coveted by various companies. It’s inevitable not to reflect and think this could happen to me.

I’ve also experienced layoffs up close, participating in exercises and conversations about letting go of professionals I loved working with. I’ve heard things like, “But it’s just work,” or “You don’t really know these people.” Even so, they are human beings with their lives, families, problems, fears, and dreams.

The Moment My Mind Got Sick

In early 2022, everything was going very well in my life and career. I had been with a company for a few months where I felt secure, with excellent growth potential, working with exceptional professionals, a purpose I fell in love with, and best of all, doing everything I wanted at that stage of my professional life.

At the same time, I started questioning many things, like whether I was truly suited and prepared for this new professional challenge. I compared myself to everyone around me and people I had worked with before, putting myself below everyone else. I dismissed my 20 years of experience, all the successful projects, and all the praise and let my fears and insecurities come to the surface. That’s when my old friend, the “Impostor,” took over.

Combined with the years of the pandemic, my immigration process to another country, changing companies, empathizing with others being laid off, and all the emotional baggage that these things brought, the trigger was pulled that initiated the most significant emotional challenge I’ve faced so far in my life.

It wasn’t my first time through others, but this was perhaps the strongest. Will it be the last? I can’t guarantee it, but I will continue working on it to handle it without falling ill again.

And why is this experience so necessary that I want to share it?

For the first time, I had true support and learned from the situation. I learned a lot about myself, and that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness—quite the opposite. It allowed me to overcome fears and openly discuss them with family, friends, and colleagues, including my team and manager. Now, I am writing to you. This experience positively changed my life.

My Journey to Recovery

It was a very difficult, long, and painful?process?(remember this term) but also full of learning.

It took me a long time to realize I had a problem and then to accept it until things got really bad, and I owe a lot to the help and unconditional support of my wife, who noticed and reached out to my therapist and got a referral to an excellent psychiatrist. This unconditional support, combined with therapy, psychiatry, medication, mentoring, and then the support of my team and other colleagues, allowed me to take the first steps. Oh! Of course, I can’t leave myself out, as my willpower and openness to recognize and accept help were crucial for the process to work.

My recovery didn’t happen overnight. It was a long process, as I mentioned above, but I had a very significant moment in the second consultation with my psychiatrist when she told me two things: “Vulnerability does not mean weakness” and “Be kind to yourself.” After the consultation, she sent me a video of Brené Brown (The Power of Vulnerability / TED). Of course, hearing the term vulnerable, the first word that came to my mind was weakness. I was looking at everything like a “completely empty glass” and was quite skeptical about what I would see in that video, but I decided to give it a shot and watch it. Wow, how that shook me! On the other hand, just thinking about doing what Brené talked about terrified me. I was in the middle of an impostor syndrome, which, combined with my childhood companion, anxiety, triggered the worst burnout I’ve ever experienced, as I had anxiety attacks and later panic attacks for the first time.

How was I going to show myself as vulnerable? How would my team see me? What would my leaders and peers think? Weak, inadequate, incapable of practicing the profession I have 20 years of experience in? Would they fire me? Remember the questions from the beginning? Yeah...

Over time, with psychological work, medication, and mentoring, I began to understand what was happening, identify triggers, practice some techniques to avoid anxiety and panic attacks at critical moments, and also introduce small doses of vulnerability into my daily life.

For example, saying I didn’t know about a specific topic to anyone was a trigger for anxiety attacks and sometimes panic. I felt inadequate or unprepared for my role. No feedback to the contrary, praise, or positive results made me think otherwise.

After some time in treatment, I felt more confident. In a meeting with a peer, I said I didn’t know about the topic he brought up and asked them to teach me, share articles, and provide other materials about it. The reaction was the opposite of what I expected, of what my anxiety told me it would be. Instead of criticism, I received empathy. Instead of feeling weak, I felt grateful for that empathy. The relationships changed, becoming more transparent and lighter.

Later on, I had the opportunity to meet my team in person. It had been two years since I had seen colleagues in person, especially at this company where I had been for less than six months and only knew people through video. First, I met part of the team based in the United States and then part of the team in Europe. These were wonderful experiences where I talked in person with my team about what I was going through, and the result was extremely positive. Everyone was empathetic; some opened up immediately and said they were going through something similar or had gone through it. As a result, these relationships reached another level of trust and transparency, and I felt much more confident.

In my personal life, I also had opportunities to practice vulnerability. For example, on my birthday that year (2022), I invited about 25 friends I made here in Toronto (????); after all, it was my 40th birthday, and I needed to celebrate. At a certain point, the celebration turned into a big group therapy session, as most people were going through something similar, and others who weren’t well and had no idea what was happening to them gained insight that led them to seek help.

What Did This Journey Teach Me?

1. I wasn’t alone. If not all, at least 80% of the people I talked to were going through or had gone through something similar at different levels and were grateful because they could also show their vulnerability. And how that helped all of us. I can say that this was the most significant turning point in my situation, and I believe in the lives of some of the people I talked to.
2. I had to be kinder to myself. We must allow ourselves to go through this process without punishing ourselves or causing more harm than we already do.

All right, But Where Do I Start?

Let’s go! Initially, understand that it’s a PROCESS, and like any process, it may take time (unless you practice agile methodologies, just kidding ??). Being extraordinarily transparent and honest, you won’t get better overnight; you won’t find all the answers on day one, and you won’t easily overcome your fears and impostor. In fact, sorry to inform you, but your “impostor” will be by your side for your entire life, and you will have to learn to live with them. As I mentioned in one of my discoveries, be kind to yourself, and being quite cliché, trust the process.

You’ll probably hear or have already heard things like, “Oh, that’s nonsense,” “It’s just a phase,” “Be more confident,” or “Trust yourself more.” This is an extremely common reaction, especially nowadays when we barely stop to listen and look into the eyes of those around us—imagine a coworker who is “just bringing more problems besides my own” through text messages or video calls. We often forget that the same outfit doesn’t work for everyone and that we have different stories, problems, worldviews, fears, dreams, etc. I need to be cliché again and reinforce, let’s practice empathy.

This is very straightforward advice for you: If you don't feel well yourself or feel ready to support others, if you are not open to doing that, or are not genuinely interested in helping, don't get involved. Be honest and say you are not the best person to do this right now. I’m sure you'll be helping that person much more than by saying any of the quotes I mentioned above.

You’ve probably already googled or will google about these things, and you’ll find a plethora of methodologies and suggestions for overcoming the problems you’re facing. When we talk about?impostor syndrome, there are tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of blogs, academic journals, news sites, social media, and video platforms out there, according to ChatGPT. In my opinion, if anything helps you even a little bit and it makes you feel good, why not try it? Only you, and only you, will know what works for you and what “outfit fits you best.”

The Outfit That Fits Me

I’m going to delve a bit deeper into the recovery process that I mentioned above in “My Journey to Recovery,” where I chose to seek specialized professionals.

Remember:

• No one knows what’s happening in your head better than you do. So, I repeat once again: be empathetic and kind to yourself.
• This path worked for me, and it may not work for you. It’s an example to inspire you. If you want to try it, don’t be ashamed; don’t be afraid of what others will think because you’re going to therapy or seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication, etc.

Here’s my process:

1 - Acceptance

• Acceptance is the first step.
• The turning point is accepting that you’re experiencing a problem and that you cannot solve it alone.
• You need to accept and want to help yourself. You need to be open to treatments and the process that suits you better.

2 - Psychologist/Counselor

• I always say that nowadays, we all need therapy; if you’re not doing it yet, give it a chance.
• Learn about the different approaches to therapy.
• Look for professionals within the approach you identify with the most. If it doesn’t work the first time, try different professionals or test different approaches. Don’t just do it for the sake of it, as this is one of the pillars that sustains the process.
• Asking for recommendations from your friends who are in therapy is a great move, and you’ll also practice your vulnerability.

3 - Psychiatrist

• Usually, the psychiatrist comes by referral from the psychologist/counselor when they identify the need for chemical therapy (medication). I suggest starting with therapy, and if your therapist recommends it, then seek a psychiatrist.
• In my case, I was already in therapy and had previously undergone treatment with a psychiatrist by referral from my therapist, so this time I went directly.
• According to the Ministry of Health and the AMB, approximately 35.5 million adults undergo chemical treatment for some mental health issue. That said, don’t be afraid or ashamed—if the psychiatrist prescribes it, give it a try.
• Finding the proper medication and dosage is a process. The medication won’t always work the first time; the doctor must make combinations and try different doses until they find what works for you.
• Your doctor will determine the duration of your medication use. Don’t stop before the recommended time, as the effects can lead you to a worse state than before. It’s crucial to follow all your doctor’s instructions.
• Consider asking your doctor for evaluations for psychological factors such as Anxiety, ADHD, Autism, Dysthymia, etc. All these factors will influence how you feel and go through this process and dictate your treatment.

4 - Professional Mentoring

• This is an optional resource, and it should not exclude therapy. Genuinely prepared professionals will suggest that you seek a psychologist/counselor and may even refuse to accept you as a mentee if you’re not undergoing psychological treatment.
• Despite skepticism about mentoring and coaching, some serious professionals can help you find yourself as a professional, identify your strengths, and teach you tools to activate your superpowers to overcome daily challenges. In my case, I had two: during this process, Cristiano Fernandes was that person (my testimonial), and a few years ago, when I was at a decisive moment in my career, it was Cristina Motta.

5 - Connecting with Other Human Beings

• Talk to the people around you.
• Depending on your relationship with your family, they will be your first level of support.
• Start with people you’re more comfortable with, and see how they react.
• As you feel safer and more confident, expand.
• Never keep this only for you; talk to others. You are not alone.

6 - Reconnect (or Connect) with Yourself

• Find activities that bring you joy and help you reconnect with yourself. Whether it's meditation, mindfulness, yoga, running, a sport, gym, building Legos, drawing, painting, reading, writing, or playing a musical instrument—anything that allows you to disconnect from everything else and focus on something that gives you pleasure.
• Seek quality time for yourself, even if it’s just doing nothing, as long as it’s focused on you.
• I must confess that this has been the most challenging part of the process over the past two years, but I'll get there!

Note: Psychologist, Psychiatrist, and Mentor all came from friends’ recommendations. So, talk to other human beings. ??

How Am I Today?

Today, August 2024, I’m doing much better compared to 2022 and previous years. I’m living a great personal and professional moment, surrounded by wonderful people, seeing the “glass always fuller,” and being very positive, confident, and productive. I’m still in therapy, trying to change my lifestyle by adopting hobbies, changing eating habits, starting physical activities, and looking for a leadership coach to prepare me for the next steps in my career.

Of course, writing this article triggered some things, but that’s okay. I was prepared for it.

Final Considerations

How to Prevent It?

While it's challenging to completely prevent impostor syndrome, burnout, or other mental health issues, some strategies can help mitigate the risk. The key is understanding that prevention is not a one-size-fits-all solution; it depends on your personal context and mental resilience. Strengthening your ability to recognize triggers early on is crucial.

Start by reconnecting with yourself, fostering supportive relationships, and seeking professional guidance (counselor or professional coach). These steps, practiced consistently, can build the resilience needed to navigate and prevent these challenges.

Are You a Manager?

If you’re a people manager going through something like this, don’t be afraid to talk to your team. This won’t make you weak or a bad leader in their eyes; on the contrary, it will show humanity and bring you closer. It will elevate the professional relationship into a more humanized exchange. The same goes for your peers and leaders. Don’t forget to seek help—you are human too.

If you identify team members going through something like this, look at them with empathy, be open, and listen before suggesting formulas you read somewhere or that worked for you or others you know or work with; try to understand the context of that human being. What worked for you and others may not work for this individual. If you don’t know what to do, ask your leaders and HR for help.

The trend is that we’ll go through this more and more, that we’ll have more professionals with mental health issues, especially burnout. So, Manager, prepare yourself and also take care of your mental health so that you’re ready to help those who work with you when the time comes.

Did You Relate?

If you’re going through something similar to what you read above, ask for help, connect with others, and find what best helps you get out of it.

Have you gone through something like this? Share your story, and who knows, you might help others.

If you’ve made it this far, I hope this text has helped you somehow. My main goal is to help and inspire people to seek help. If one person, just one person going through something similar, is helped, or someone who has already gone through it feels inspired and decides to share their challenges, it was worth it, and I will have fulfilled my purpose. And, of course, I’m overcoming my own fears.

"We Are Humans" Posts

• ???? We are Humans | ???? Somos Humanos
• Este post em ???? - Vulnerabilidade em Tempos de Crise