We Have 18 Summers to Bond With Our Kids – Let’s Make Them Count

When you have children it can feel like the beginning of the rest of your life – but really, time is limited. The clock is ticking.

From the moment we cradle our sons or daughters for the first time, we have around two decades, maybe less, to form a meaningful connection with each child before they fly the nest and begin their own lives.

This is why a few years ago I subscribed to a parenting philosophy that awakened in me an awareness of the fleeting but invaluable time we have to truly know our kids – and for them to really know us – before our paths begin to diverge.

The theory of “18 Summers” is quite self-explanatory: as parents, we have approximately 18 summers between meeting that precious newborn baby, and the time they leave the home to chart a course toward adulthood and independence. If we fail to form a deep, respectful bond with our children in that time, and as they depart for university, head abroad, start careers, it will become much, much harder to stay connected as we age.

This is true of all parents but I feel it keenly as an entrepreneur. As founders, we are wired to live and breathe our work – to be available to our businesses and colleagues 24/7, at the expense of everything else.

This is in part because of what some have called the Entrepreneurial Lie. The lie goes that founders build their businesses from the ground up, work hard all hours, pouring their heart and soul into their company, so that one day they can rest and spend proper time with their family.

The truth is: that day never comes.

It was after I attended EO’s Global Leadership Academy in Washington DC in late 2017 that I found out about the 18 Summers theory. It originates from a book by Jim Sheils called The Family Board Meeting, which carries the subtitle: “You have 18 summers to create lasting connections with your children.”

I was an immediate convert.

It was like a lightbulb had been turned on in my mind. The time to bond with our children is not later, but NOW.

I worked out with rough calculations that by the time my kids are 20, it is likely I will have spent up to 95 per cent of the time with them that I ever will. They will no longer live under my roof; they could move to the other side of the world, pursuing their own dreams and growing their own family.

What is more important is this: the time I spend with them now, the greater our bond, the more likely I will spend meaningful time with them when they are older.

So I set about making changes. The theory highlights summers specifically – and that holiday time is precious. I agree. But it is really about *all* of our time.

Here’s what I’m practicing:

First, I make a conscious effort to treat my family commitments as I would my business commitments. Diarize it. Stick to it. If I wouldn’t ditch a board meeting at the last minute, I won’t do that to my daughter or my son if we have prior plans. ?

Second, and this is from the book, every quarter, I plan to spend a half-day or so with each of my children individually, doing something special. It does not need to be extravagant. In fact, I prefer that it is low cost, or free. But it must but something out of the ordinary – an experience. We may go to a museum, go for a hike, anything that will create a unique memory that we both can share. ?

A third practice I have learned is to accompany these times with meaningful conversations. Ask them their hopes, their fears, their ambitions – for life, but also feedback for the family. Our children have agency in how our families exist, so we should treat them with the trust and respect that we would for an adult, because some day they will be that adult, remembering how we made them feel. This summer, for example, I challenged them and we discussed repeatedly what the Stockli family motto should read.

And last, maximize these fleeting summers. As a European, I cherish summer. It is time for a real break. Since reading Sheils’ book I have committed to spending my summer with my children for the six weeks they are out of school. Of course, as a business investor and chair of the nonprofit Entrepreneurs’ Organization, I still do work. But I scale back meetings, I reduce my travel, and if I have projects to complete or calls to join, I dedicate time early in the mornings, in the parking lot during the kids’ sports practices, or late in the evenings. I dedicate summer to my family.

While this may not seem like the typical post on entrepreneurship, being a part of EO’s network and experiencing its holistic approach to a person’s 360-degree growth helped me further develop as a father, as a husband, and as a human. If we want to create opportunities for future generations and make connections last, we need to start at home.

I decided to share the 18 Summers theory with my children, and last summer, my daughter held me to account. I had been working in my home office and she challenged me: “Papi, you said 18 summers, you said you must spend time with us.”

This summer, I have done better – and she hasn’t told me off yet.