We Hate Bad Suck-Ups, But We All Like Good Suck-Ups

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Flattery is a double-edged sword. On one side, we quickly recoil from those who engage in obvious, insincere praise—the "bad suck-ups" who flatter solely to get ahead, often at the expense of trust and credibility. Yet, on the other side, we often appreciate a subtler, more skillful approach. These "good suck-ups" seem to reinforce team morale, align with shared goals, and offer praise that feels authentic.?

So why do we sometimes embrace the good while detesting the bad? Understanding this distinction is essential to building a workplace culture rooted in genuine respect and trust.

The Problem with Bad Suck-Ups

We all recognize the traits of a bad suck-up:

• Overtly insincere praise: Comments that feel forced and serve only to gain favor.
• Self-serving motives: These individuals focus on advancing themselves without genuine regard for the organization or team.
• Erosion of trust: Such behavior can poison team dynamics, damaging morale and creating a credibility deficit.

Bad suck-ups are easy to spot, and their actions usually undermine respect and credibility, both crucial in building trust-based relationships.

Why We Fall for "Good" Suck-Ups

Interestingly, "good" suck-ups tend to foster a more positive impression. This might be because they blend praise with:

• Genuine alignment with team goals: They support leadership in ways that feel beneficial to the team, offering constructive feedback or praise that appears more genuine.
• Demonstration of shared values: Instead of shallow flattery, they resonate with the team’s or leader’s values, making their praise feel authentic and even earned.
• Contribution to team morale: When well-placed, positive reinforcement lifts team spirits and enhances productivity.

“Good” flattery, when genuine and tied to shared values, can feel like mutual respect rather than sycophancy.

The Credibility Test: Building Trust through Intent and Impact

For leaders and team members, the key to navigating these dynamics is clarity and integrity:

• Assess intent: Is the praise genuinely tied to shared goals or only a personal agenda? Leaders who foster open communication and transparency can discern intent.
• Evaluate the impact on trust: Does the behavior enhance team trust and morale, or does it create an impression of favoritism? If it feels overly self-serving, it’s likely a credibility drain rather than an enhancer.

In essence, credibility stems from authenticity, and that includes giving praise. Leaders and teams should embrace genuine, values-based support rather than empty flattery. By encouraging authentic expressions of respect and avoiding manipulative “suck-up” behavior, we cultivate a work culture rooted in integrity and trust.