Are We Gritty?

In recent years, psychologists and educators have become increasingly interested in the importance of “grit.” Studies suggest that highly successful people have a lot of grit—in particular, the quality of being able to stay focused on a goal even when setbacks or failures occur. It sounds terrific right? Being “successful” and achieving goals by overcoming obstacles sounds inspiring.

But there's a wrinkle in this thinking. Descriptions of grit often focus on very narrow definitions of success. Studies focus on people like those who win spelling bees, on Nobel laureates, and on Ivy League graduates. Scholars look to them to understand “success” because, presumably, they’re successful! And people who don’t achieve like these folks? It’s tempting to jump to the conclusion they don’t have enough grit.

But, of course, that’s ridiculous. Climbing competitive ladders isn’t the only version of success and there are a ton of gritty people who don’t play in those games. Professor Angela Duckworth, whose work popularized grit, notes that what motivates people to be gritty isn’t usually money or rank, but instead what researchers call, “an ‘ultimate concern’—a goal you care about so much that it organizes and gives meaning to almost everything you do.” That sounds like a lot of parents I know. And a lot of teachers and nurses too. They’re working with a different definition of success that is much more about justice and joy and helping people flourish than it is about personal achievement.

This week, for instance, a great role model for all of us, Lee White, shared with me and his many friends the heartbreaking news of the death of his 21-year-old son, Nick White, who died of complications related to Lesch-Nyhan Syndrome. Lee gave his life to Nick—Nick was his “ultimate concern”—and Lee lived that concern with love and grit beyond compare. He sent me this video that was made about Nick and the great people of Jill’s House who shared Lee’s love for this amazing young man.

Lee and Nick and the people of Jill’s House—they are people whose ultimate concern for each other and for the dignity of every human being is enough to inspire all of us. Today I join Lee and all of Nick’s friends in prayer and grief. I can’t imagine the loss of a child. My heart breaks for Lee and for everyone who has experienced this unspeakable sorrow.

But Lee and Nick have not ended their gift of inspiring the rest of us to see the world differently. What, I wonder, is the lesson they have for the rest of us? Isn’t there a way for us to see in them a calling to justice and joy for all of us?

I think so. If I were to imagine an “ultimate concern” of our country right now, I think it would be that we might all have the love and compassion for others that Nick and Lee modeled with their lives. My sense is that our toxic political culture and our slanted media culture have blocked our capacity to imagine goals and meanings that we share at a deep level; but hiding in plain sight are the people and role models who are living a new story of us, if only we take the time to pay attention. I’d rather model myself on them than on just about anyone else.

On Nick’s memorial page, the words from scripture are these: “The old has passed away. The new has come.” I hope and believe that’s true for Nick in his new life, and I also hope it’s possible for us who are still living. I hope we can be channels of the new by noticing role models all around us who are giving themselves to each other and crossing divides by treating everyone with dignity. I hope we can build a country where we are gritty in pursuit of institutions and practices centered on making it possible for everyone to belong. I hope we can continue to disagree but start treating those with whom we disagree with respect. I hope we can start to realize that the future of the American dream will be much less about GDP and much more about building communities and companies and a culture grounded in equity and virtue and flourishing for all.

The great gospel singer, composer, and minister, Wintley Phipps, often teaches and preaches about the origin of the classic American spiritual, “Amazing Grace.” He reveals that the melody of that transcendent hymn was likely created by enslaved persons crossing the ocean, mourning the loss of everything imaginable. He suggests that perhaps the greatest gift of the song is its capacity to reveal to each of us that grace flows from pain and the blessing that transcends every label and boundary. If you want another role model of ultimate concern, listen to Phipps’ teaching .

We can become a resilient culture, a gritty country, a people of ultimate concern. We don’t need to look very far for the role models who can bring the new to life.