Are we good role models at home?

The phone rings in the house. The twelve years old daughter picks it up and there is a friendly voice at the other end, asking for her mother. She puts the receiver down and goes searching for her mother. The mother is expecting the call, and quietly tells her daughter to inform the person that she is not at home. The daughter goes back and innocently follows orders. The mother does not even bother to explain the reason for lying.

What has the child learnt from this incident? How would it shape her values, beliefs and behaviour when she grows up?

We talk of leadership, values and role modelling at the workplace, but sometimes do not bother to adhere to these standards at home.

A leader can lose her job for conflicting with the organisations values, so is careful to do the ‘right thing’ at the workplace, but what about home where the younger members are looking up to her and quietly learning life skills from her role modelling.

A few years later, when the daughter will lie to her mother, she would wonder why did this happen. What did I do wrong in my upbringing? I was a good provider and took care of all the needs.

A successful leader spends ‘quality time’ with his team, mentoring and guiding them as the team’s performance will decide his next promotion. But when he is back at home, he has barely any time to discuss school work with his son or talk about the day with his wife. He is too busy planning the next day’s schedule with his team.

A few years later, when his son ‘walls’ him out and prefers his friends for his emotional sharing, the father is confounded and believes these are ?‘teenage tantrums’ which are happening in every family.

A respected senior leader was revered at work for her engaging style, but was a harried and disciplinarian mother at home. Her children were always bemused to hear the ‘good things’ spoken by her subordinates in the few official family outings in which they participated.

A very successful executive, every single day, comes home from work and sits down with his whiskey. His wife and children wait patiently for his mood to improve before approaching him.

Many of us wear a mask at work. A mask which demonstrates the values and behaviour demanded of us. When we come back home, we unmask ourselves of this ‘burden’ and let go. Over time, it happens unconsciously, day after day. ?

We call it ‘work life balance’.

This ‘unshackling’ makes us oscillate between extremes and has an insidious impact on the emotions, behaviour and environment of the family space.

Addictions, binge watching movies, extramarital affairs, junk food, domestic fights, emotional lows, gaslighting others, impending divorce…. Successful ‘leaders’ at the workplace have a very different facet of their personality showing up at home.

So where does it all start?

Probably some of this problem lies in the conflict between our personal values and expectations at the workplace.

If my values/beliefs do not match those of my workplace, I have to act out behaviors which do not resonate with me. I do not believe in what I am ‘forced’ to do.

• I am a loner but am expected to mingle with my peers and team members.
• I am not a detail person but to ensure quality, I have to pore through lot of data at my workplace.
• I would love to kick ass at work, but have to show patience and empathy
• This organisation has too much red tapism which makes me angry… but I have to show patience and smile

This conflict creates stress in us, which does not get resolved at the workplace.

When we are back home, we slip back into our ‘real’ selves to relieve the stress. But it shows up as poor role modelling for the family.

Interestingly, the solution of this problem (at home) is at our workplace, and how we resolve our values conflict at the workplace.

The more we allow our natural (authentic) self to express itself at work, the more we are empowered to ‘walk the talk’ at home.

An organisational culture which discourages employees from expressing these inner conflicts is not helpful.

In such an environment, an employee is afraid of ‘slipping the mask’ and may feel unworthy if he lets out the frustration.

How well these conflicts are resolved at the workplace has a significant impact on how the employee role models for the young minds at home.

Success is not just achieving targets, it’s also how well we express our Authentic self at the workplace.

It grounds us and makes us feel better about ourselves. We take the good feeling back home.

Does your organisational Culture empower employees to express their authentic self at the workplace?