Are we ever really in conversation with each other?

Lately I’ve been thinking about the presence, or lack thereof, of real, deep, thoughtful conversations with other people. As we near the 4 year anniversary (!!!) of the first shelter-in-place orders in the US, I am reflecting on what the past four years have offered - and denied - my life. Frankly, four years later I’m still struggling to find opportunities for deep, energizing, heart-touching conversations.?

And I just don’t think that virtual conversations suffice.?

In a virtual conversation, I often feel unwittingly caught in a transactional interaction; I struggle to find the moment where we really SEE each other as people. And I'll come clean here -- I often can’t help but look at myself in self-view, and then I'll find my gaze skimming to the tabs and widgets that sit just behind the other person’s head. I get thrown off by interruptions in internet connectivity. I can’t read body language effectively. I oscillate between looking at the small green dot of my camera and looking at the other person’s boxed face.

And through all of this, I miss the heart of what’s actually happening. Conversations feel like they are a fraction of what they once were - they don’t meet their full potential as the inspiration, the origin story, the energy-builder, the relationship source that they once were.?

Last Thursday, I ventured to Lucy Bell and Akshit Khurana 's home in the Mission for a networking/relationship-building dinner. We were a diverse crew, harnessed together through Lucy’s warm outreach. In the conversations that took place over lasagna and salad, I reconnected with all that I miss about in-person, authentic conversation. I felt an ability to notice and respond to body language, match energy, and deepen my understanding of what was beneath the surface level. I left feeling connected to and inspired by this group of people who were literal strangers just 2 hours prior.?

I believe I’m not the only person who is struggling to find real access points to other people, even after four years of technology, habits, and structures that uphold our post-pandemic way of living and working. Others at the dinner shared similar feelings (though we were not in unanimous agreement about the WFH value). Beyond that particular dinner, other conversations around loneliness keep popping up in my exchanges with friends, colleagues, and people I meet.?

I will not attempt to prescribe a massive shift in the way we work or live. I know that many - especially women and people of color - benefit from aspects unlocked with remote work and an increased reliance on virtual spaces. But I will say this – I believe that work organizations need to incorporate more opportunities for in-person conversation. It is a necessary ingredient for helping people stay committed to the work, to each other, and to their role in the organization. We’re lacking third spaces, and therefore we must rely on work to help us continue to be our full selves.?

For organizations that are trying to figure out how to do this – I’m here to help! Through my work with Superbloom Learning , I partner with organizations to plan and facilitate meaningful conversations that support business growth, alignment, relationship-building, and culture.?