We don't talk about boundaries (no, no, no)

In this week's episode of Take A Break, we’re tackling a subject that isn’t discussed nearly enough: the importance of boundaries, and what effective boundaries require and what they enable.

What do you think of when you think of boundaries? Is the idea of implementing boundaries - in your health, in relationships, in your work - intimidating? Are you worried about how you’ll be perceived when you implement boundaries??

When I worked in the corporate world, I was intimidated by boundaries. There are common stereotypes of women in the workplace, and I felt that creating boundaries would undermine my pursuit of success and cause others to think of me as “difficult” or lacking a work ethic. As a result, work bled into every area of my life; it was present in every moment of my day - regardless of whether or not I was in the office.

The lesson I learned (the hard way) is that a lack of boundary maintenance is a fast track to burnout and that burnout benefits no one - not me, not my family or my friends, and didn’t benefit my business unit either.

When we feel that any area of life dominates the rest of our lives, as work without boundaries often does, it initiates a stress response, impairing our productivity and ability to think creatively and strategically about our work. Workplace stress is one of the top workplace factors that impacts human health and longevity and work without boundaries ensures that stress builds chronically in our lives.

The question then is, “how do we begin to implement effective boundaries that enable us to work well?”

Understand the benefits of boundaries.

Boundaries are for you, and as a result, can only be held by you. A mistake I made in my own career was assuming someone else (my organization) would take care of work/life balance for me, not realizing that work/life balance is moreso influenced by boundaries than it is by policies and incentives. When used effectively, they help infuse goodness into the world around you through the good that is you. Start to examine what might be possible in your life when you feel as though your desired boundaries are effectively practiced? What will that make space for?

Work/life balance is moreso influenced by boundaries than it is by policies and incentives.

Release judgment.

In an earlier episode, we discussed the importance of values. Because each individual's top values are unique to them, each person requires different boundaries. When we understand this, we can let go of judgment of ourselves and of others.

I had a former coworker - we’ll call him David - who was always the first on our team to leave for the day. My boss thought highly of David’s work, and I couldn’t understand why he was so admired on our team. While the rest of us got to the office between 6:30 - 7 am and left between 6 - 6:30 pm, he was in the office 8 - 4 every day. There were numerous times I silently chided him as he put on his coat to leave for the day, accusing him of a poor work ethic in my mind.

What I now know is that David had boundaries around his work that allowed him to produce a much higher quality of work than I was producing in my overworked, overstressed state. He didn’t miss deadlines, and he had an uncanny ability to remove roadblocks for the team. I was not privy to whether or not he cracked his laptop back open after his kids went to bed, but he was going to be the one to drop them off at school and pick them up at the end of their day. As a parent now, I am incredibly thankful for people like David who prioritize family without sacrificing their quality of work.

Understand the consequences of boundaries.

One common error I see with implementing boundaries is that we believe that the feelings and considerations of others are inconsequential. True, healthy boundaries take into account the consequences of what we are asking for and making peace with those. We hold the word “consequence” with such a negative connotation, but these are what form us, educate us, and humble us - making us into better people.

When we are able to evaluate the cost of changing our environment, we are able to evaluate the value of doing so, which brings me to my next point:

Use trade-off analysis.

One of my favorite tools to recommend is evaluating what you’re saying yes to when you hold a boundary (effectively saying ‘no’). Similar to essential intent, making a decision with regards to boundaries enables you to make a thousand other decisions. When you a fully aware of the cost and the benefit of your decision, and you’re able to reconcile that trade-off, you’ll feel much more confident in the value of it.

Utilize effective communication.

Boundaries should be productive, rational, and (when possible) collaborative. Except for circumstances where our safety and wellbeing are endangered by lack of boundaries, this requires effective communication with those that are impacted by our boundaries. These conversations should not occur during the height of a stress response. Find an appropriate time (following a cool-down period) to connect in a neutral place to discuss ways that more effective boundaries are needed. Reinforce the value of the boundary.?

Listen to learn, not to fix or to win. Check for understanding with one another as you collaborate. We don’t stop learning how to effectively communicate, and thus, I’m a fan of continuing education through courses and reading. Check out this LinkedIn course for effective communication.

We are also offering you a free resource for navigating your own relationship with boundaries with this free Boundaries Without Guilt training from The Engineering Wellness Academy. As usual, we share tools to build your stress management toolkit at the close of this episode, including my favorite question to ask when working on a team.?

Watch this week's episode here.

Listen to this week's episode here.

If you have specific questions about burnout prevention, either in organization or individually, please email us at [email protected].

Learn more about Caroline here.

Learn more about Lennis here.

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