We Don't All Get Happy Endings
Robbie Swale
Executive Coach | Creator of The Coach's Journey | Author of The 12-Minute Method Series
I was talking to my brother the other day. We were speaking of relatives - different, not shared ones, which is possible as we're half brothers - who find themselves, in the latter stages of their lives, ill and alone.
And he said, 'I realised that we don't all get happy endings.'
These words stayed with me.
This isn't about death. We all go there. It isn't about dying surrounded by our family, we can't all have that.
It's about an end to our lives, of years or even decades, trapped in our home by an inward spiral of illness and aloneness.
You may know someone like this.
And the rub is this: it happens through a series of circumstances. Yes, maybe there are certain ones among us who by genes or chance are made more likely to end up like that. But it could happen to any of us. And some of these circumstances are within our control.
We have to believe that.
They aren't easy things, though. There are choices. Decisions we make. Life is hard. It is suffering. It hurts. And it is choosing - deciding - in the face of hard, in the face of suffering, in the face of hurt. It is about fighting a battle against life. Refusing to back down.
It is about leaning. Always leaning. Whenever you can. Leaning out, not in.
Towards connection, not disconnection.
Towards trust, not mistrust.
Towards kindness, not cruelty.
Towards little changes, not paralysis.
Towards love, not hurt.
Towards curiosity, not judgment.
Towards 'I don't know', not 'I'm certain'.
Towards courage, not cowardice.
Towards receiving, not just giving.
Towards giving, not just receiving.
Towards vulnerability, not false invulnerability.
Towards recommitting, not giving up.
Towards reaching out, not retreating in.
It's hard, sometimes. I know.
But we don't all get happy endings. So please. Please. Lean with me.
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This is part of a series of pieces, written in about twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then posted online. Sign up to my mailing list here to hear from me about my writing and other things, or read my other posts here.
I work as a coach. You can read more about my work at www.robbieswalecoaching.com.
Climate Impact and Regeneration Lead; Director, Chief Sustainability Office at Cisco
4 年Being in touch with and serving people in the chronic illness community, I verify that this sort of situation can hit people at any age and stage of life. As you say all it takes is one catastrophic event, or a series of smaller events, to both debilitate and isolate. Only if the people surrounding such an individual recognize what is happening and rally, does the isolation become mitigated. Unfortunately in a lot of cases, people in that surround simply blame, discount or disbelieve and that compounds the isolation. Patients who are in extremis in their own suffering, still reaching out and supporting other patients is one of the daily miracles I observe in these circles. Why do they do it? Because they know what it is like to be that isolated, abandoned, and to feel so helpless. Suffering as a root for compassion for others. The Buddhist depiction of hell is a table set heaped with delicious food, and each person there has very small arms and only long spoons. They cannot feed themselves, so they go hungry forever. The depiction of heaven is the same situation, only each person is serving another person with their long spoon. Everyone eats through another's generosity. Thus it is in this life.
Yes. Yes. And I've observed - I may have shared this with you before - that as people age we get left with our habits. So start practising right now, to be left with habits which bring us all those good things you mention. I especially liked the one about receiving, not just giving, AND giving, not just receiving! Fabulous piece, Rob.
Retired
6 年Beautifully written, thank you!
The Listener - Expert in listening. Improving the listening, thinking and relationships skills of individuals and teams.
6 年Fabulous post Robbie, could hear you saying those words, as only you can. Profound the words of we don't all have happy ending, and it made me think. Thank you, as always, for your insights, wisdom and sharing.