We didn't ask for it: Meanderings of a frustrated mind.
My first reaction upon reading the details on the news for Dr. Priyanka Reddy was a nasty twist in my stomach and overbearing sickness. She was not related to me, I did not know her in any way, she was not from my country, she did not share my religious beliefs and maybe we had nothing in common. So why did I feel this way? Simply put, it was because there was an instant connection of humanity, and more importantly our shared gender that led to such a profound impact.
It brings me to think that if my body and mind reacted so overwhelmingly by only reading the news, what would it have been like to actually go through the horrific incident for Dr. Reddy by herself.
As a matter of civic sense and good parenting, we are taught from an early age that we do not touch ‘things’ that do not belong to us. It is something of a common sense that is not limited to one’s family background, social stratification or a posh university education. Then why do certain male members of society live with a sense of entitlement to assault and rape when it comes to an actual human being, a woman in many instances who is doing nothing more than carrying on with her life and day-to-day activities?
It was an assurance to know after the Nirbhaya 2012 Delhi rape case that laws existed against this hideous crime; these were implemented and justice was delivered by the Supreme Court of India. I learnt about the relentless support offered by humanitarian members of the Indian society in a wide spectrum of methods ranging from security apps being developed, increased awareness through campaigns to small acts of watching out for each other’s safety. But then, Dr. Reddy fell victim to similar circumstances and so did a lot of other women before her between the period 2012 – 2019. It is as if the law has not been enough to deter the on going rape incidents.
So why is the rape culture so popular and alive? The most common assumption when it comes to rape (I say this from a global and not just a sub continental perspective) is that ‘she was asking for it’. Pathetic justifications from perpetrators and certain limited minded people from society such as, ‘her clothes were provocative or short’, ‘she didn’t seem to mind as she was drunk’, ‘she was returning back close to mid night alone so she was clearly asking for it’ are just to name a few.
Dr. Reddy she was returning from work fully clothed when the assault took place. Nirbhaya was returning home with a male friend at a reasonable hour when she was lured in a transport bus and attacked by the offenders. Zainab Ansari from Kasur, Pakistan was only 7 years old, on her way to madrasah when a trusted member of her community abducted, raped and killed her following, which the child’s body was dumped in garbage. Speaking of updated information in 2018, when it comes to my country of origin, i.e.; Pakistan alone, the Human Rights watch has found that Child sexual abuse cases remain at an alarmingly high rate. At least 77 girls and 79 boys (both minors) were raped or sexually assaulted in the first half of 2018.
None of them had ‘asked’ for it. No one ever asks for someone to assault them, rip them off their clothes and dignity and sexually abuse them in the worst manner possible and later subject their last remains of immovable bodies to be set on fire or to be strangled and left in garbage to rot.
If I could, I would so assure the rape offenders that according to them even when women are wearing ‘provocative outfits’ , returning from a night out or had a few glasses down, they have never asked to be raped.
So, what is the excuse then? I can’t say a reason because there is never a ‘good reason to rape’. The answer is clearly the mindset. I vaguely recall India running a campaign on the lines of ‘Don’t teach your daughters to be safe, teach your boys not to rape’ following the Nirbhaya incident. I couldn’t agree more with it. However, given this may take another 2-3 decades to show any result, until then we need to have a zero tolerance policy in law, in society and in our homes about the rape culture.
As far as the offenders are concerned, we cannot stereotype them belonging to a certain origin or social class. Dr. Reddy’s suspects come from a lower working class background so did Nirbhaya’s and it would be the case with many other rape victims’ from different countries. But this does not mean that only the men from poor class have the audacity to rape. Let’s be reminded of the legendary case of Harvey Weinstein that triggered a global phenomena of the #metoo movement driving hundreds of women across the globe to come forward and report sexual abuse incidents against the upper class and elite in the society which would otherwise be silent until today.
It is my personal belief that to commit rape must come from a sickening state of mind, where a man has already convinced himself that he is entitled to do so from some self made authority. Sadly, like any other disease of body and mind, this one remains incurable once infestation has taken place. The only way forward is a zero tolerance policy that is not just limited to legal system. A zero tolerance culture to be promoted in society from homes, to educational institutes, organizations and social places.
For once, we women should not have to walk outside with our keys gripped between our fingers, pepper sprays in our bags, emergency numbers on speed dials, self criticizing our looks and outfits out of fear least we have unknowingly invite the perpetrators to sexually assault us. It is appalling that in this day and age we have to fight for our right to feel safe and live with dignity.
Dr. Reddy and all those before her, you did not deserve the trauma and the death you had been put through. For those whose incidents could not even be voiced or reported, I have no words out of grief.
May you all rest in peace.