We are Dealers of Hope

Last week I had the?honour?of presenting a talk, hosted by the dynamic?Chéla?Breckon, called Steady and Ready: Thriving After Difficult?Times. For me, this was an opportunity to connect with a larger community in a more intimate setting and explore the question, "Where do we get to go from here?"??

The idea behind this format was that participants could join this conversation. In fact,?each and every?person was a co-creator of the discussion, bringing their curiosities and looking to explore the where and how of moving forward from the pandemic. We had a beautiful array of participants, many of whom are professionally responsible for employees or students and some who came for their own self-care.

My work is grounded on an idea of everyday resiliency. This?means that resiliency is something that can be fostered and cultivated. We're not born with or without it, and it isn't only reserved for certain people. Resiliency is the capacity to be present and to show up and make the next right decision. And that's what I hoped to help our participants navigate; what is the next right decision for you?

When I think about the last 18 months, we are not doing it wrong despite all the challenges, difficulties, and hardships. There is no one right way to navigate a global health pandemic. For the first time, students who were virtual learning, those who supported staff through the?uncertainty, persons who were parenting at home and working, every single person navigated this pandemic as best they could. We do the best?we can with the tools we have.?

In our culture, we are conditioned to be good at something the first time we try it. This conditioning is a Western philosophy of protecting our ego. We feel shame if we're not good at it or do it in the shadows, so people?don't know. This notion then only added more pressure, stress, and uncertainty as?not a single one?of us has navigated a global pandemic before, and there's no clear-cut right or wrong way to do it.

One of the more interesting phenomena we've seen during?this past year and a half is that we're talking about our struggles and problems more often and more openly.?

We haven't done a global health pandemic before.?

It's okay to be uncertain.?

We need to recognize, acknowledge, and validate that this has been?a lot.?

Just because we carry all these challenging parts well doesn't mean it's not heavy.??

And at the end of these 18+ months, if you haven't learned how to make sourdough, reorganized your house, picked up a new hobby, or watched all of Netflix, you're not a failure.

And lowering our expectations for ourselves is not a failure. We need to change our expectations in a way that is more realistic. Validate, then navigate.

There is often a time, with any circumstance, challenge, or struggle when you have this moment of opportunity to decide where do we get to go next??

This is the season we are in now.

We recognize this is the season we're in because there is a rush to?return to "normal." Today I want to tell you that?there is no?normal. Familiar? Yes. But not normal. And now we get to take the pieces of what worked before and the lessons we learned during the pandemic and co-create a new way forward.?

I want to share my resiliency trajectory model with you.??

1. Decline?

This is the season when we feel most raw. It is a lonely, isolating season where we are uncertain of the next right move. In the pandemic, what we've seen a lot?of?during this season is ambiguous grief.?

?Ambiguous grief is grieving things we don't know about, for example, students grieving their senior year of high school or new parents grieving a "normal" parental leave. We?have to?hold space for this grief. We?have to?let them feel the feelings. And?when we're grieving ourselves, we?have to?recognize it, hold space for it, and then find a way to release it. Grief carries a heavyweight. The more grief we experience, the heavier it is.??

2. Adapt?

This is the season when we start figuring things out.?We embrace discomfort. Throughout these 18 months, we've developed adaptive and maladaptive?behaviours. We?have to?give them attention. We cannot leave them unaddressed. Some of these we will bring with us as we move forward, and some of these?behaviours?we?have to?address and alter.?

?We also need to recognize that when we learn to adapt, there is a cost. We become depleted. And we need to hold space for ourselves to rest during this season.?

One of the most important things to remember this time is that?it's okay to feel uncertain while you're adapting. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's okay to feel. We need to stop normalizing that what we're going through doesn't hurt.??

Beware of toxic positivity, my friends. "I'm fine" is one of the most repeated phrases during this pandemic. We list off several things we're struggling with, only to tie it up neatly with an "I'm fine" bow at the end. "Fine" is?armour. We're not fine, and that's okay.

3. Reclaim

In this season, we know that we have made it out of the darkest days when we begin thinking of "What are we going to do next???What is our next best move?”

This season is where we?have the opportunity to?co-create something different and better rather than regaining everything back that has been lost. It's like a mosaic: We need to pick up the broken pieces and reframe them within our current values.?

Most people wonder: Where do I even begin??

Go back to basics: Food, rest, shelter, essentials. After that, do what you want and what is possible. We are a system within a system.

In this time, there is an opportunity for change. Here are some essential steps:

?●?Take a moment for an authentic check-in or an awareness pause. Self-awareness is critical. Again, beware of "toxic positivity" flagged by the phrase "I am fine."

●?Do a personal inventory check. What part of me needs tender attention? You must create an honest space for this. What do you need?

●?Avoid hating yourself healthy or seeking information on the internet to "better ourselves." It creates a delta between our head and soul that will not foster healing.

●?"Normal" does not serve us. It is familiar. We get comfortable with familiar, and we want better.?

In this season, we need to create a new frame of reference. When we do not have a frame of reference, we feel unsteady. The reclaim?season looks like this:

Reach?out for help > gain framework > gain the steadfast belief that everything will be okay, which will lead us to the season of rising.

4. Rise?

This is the season when we get to live in hope with others. Rising?is?a season where we can hold space for people?to trust that come what may, we will be okay. We are hope dealers.

?My personal mantra is "I can do hard things." A colleague of mine out West called me and said, "of course we can do hard things, but Robyne, we can also do great things."

We can do great?things. That is the season of rising.?

?We all have the capacity to rise after this pandemic. We just need to be?really honest?with ourselves and to hold space for each of these seasons.?

?I'm currently working on a Re-Entry Readiness Program which will look at the staggering levels of readiness?as people begin to return to places of employment or education.?It is important?acknowledge and respect?that we'll all be in different spaces as we move?into the post-pandemic. I look forward to sharing that with you soon.

The Steady and Ready events were incredible. I wholeheartedly thank everyone who attended, and I thank anyone who is reading this now.?

?The energy of these events gave me a sense of being hope-filled.?

I have hope. You are all giving me hope.?

We are all collectively hope dealers as we move forward together.?

Take good care,??

Dr. Robyne HD.