“We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Refusing to accept change does not liberate us, it oppresses.” Jill McLachlan

These few weeks of early autumn seem to herald more change than any other time of the year – it seems more change is dumped into these few weeks than any other time of year, even New Year. The end of summer for us in the UK, cooler days and nights, we change our clothing, and remember sadly those lovely warm summer nights. Children starting school is probably the biggest milestone, and of course, changing schools, going up into a new year group…new uniforms, new shoes….That reminds me of my son Joe who hated wearing new shoes and mysteriously every year around the second week in September, and a week after he had started back at school, he would lose his shoes! He would walk in the door rather sheepishly – especially since this was the third year running it had happened – in his socks! The story he told me, with his innocent blue eyes appealing to me to believe him (I never did!) was that one of his friends didn’t have any shoes and Joe felt so sorry for him that he donated his pair, because he knew I wouldn’t mind, as I was always giving clothes away to the charity shop and he thought giving his clothes to a person was better than a shop.

Of course, his logic is/was impeccable. How can you argue with that?

Except this child with no shoes was fictional! And Joe had just decided he didn’t want to wear in yet another pair of shoes when he had his trainers which he only wanted to take off when he got into bed. (And I had found him a few times fast asleep in bed, fully clothed and still wearing his trainers!). Sadly the school authorities didn’t quite see it that way, and Joe got detention virtually every week because he didn’t have shoes, or perhaps his blazer, or his homework, or……well, the list is endless really because Joe just didn’t accept that the rules that school adhered to were worthy of him adhering to them as well. They created them, they could keep them, he wasn’t going to.

He is still like that really, 30 years later! And consequently, had a hard time at school, university and work. He sets his own rules, standards and values and sticks to them. He is deeply challenged by the concept of adapting to other people’s rules and regulations, even if they are eminently sensible. However, much he is challenged he has learned over the years, to work out what is essential to live in peace and freedom with himself and the world.

It reminds me that at this time of year there are many 18-year olds off to university for the first time. A new set of rules and regulations to follow but the most difficult bit for most of them seems to be the fact that there are very few rules! And they can please themselves whether they get drunk or go to class or study. Many go down the bar and spend most of their Student loans there. I’m not sure that our education and family systems are fit for purpose as they produce young people who are almost unable to accept such a big change at such a young age and the experience that was meant to free them and help them mature, sadly oppresses many, starting life-long addictions to drink, drugs, sex and insecurity.

Change is normal; uncomfortable often, but normal. When we don’t learn how to accept change from an early age, then we fight it, often refusing to adapt to it and with it and institutions don’t bend to individuals, they can’t. And when we fling ourselves on their hard walls, then we might well get bruised and broken. And they won’t even notice.

They best thing we can do to help our families – whatever age, it to help them learn acceptance. I do bang on about this I know! Reality is hard, but there are truthfully somethings that cannot be changed. Training ourselves for different rules and regulations is simply wisdom, as we are learning to accept other people’s views on life, other ways that people choose to live, or think or behave. And how can we accept and embrace all those differences?

Not sure I will have the answer this week. Maybe next Tuesday at 3pm I will get a revelation!

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