We Can Only Heal In The Heart Of Others

We live in a very fast-paced world and an economy that values productivity and efficiency. We tend to seek quick solutions to our problems and view anything that takes longer as unacceptable. We also often erroneously think that doing something alone is the best and most efficient way.

In the area of healing our deep and subconscious wounds, such as “I am not good enough” or “It is hopeless”, it is almost impossible to do so in isolation. One of the best ways in which we heal is to open up and show our vulnerability, admit our hurt and process the grief and emotions that come with that. The grief and emotions need to be received and understood by another person for healing to take place. These all need to take place in a safe and non-judgemental space.

Very often, people are afraid to show their vulnerabilities because they do not feel it is safe to do so. It is scary and painful because we fear rejection and the invalidation of our feelings as well as the fear that no one understands what we are going through. Well-meaning friends who tell us “not to think so much” or “get over it and move forward” do not help the situation.

In situations such as trauma and depression, expressing what one is going through and support from others are even more critical. Isolation hurts oneself and exacerbates any depression tendency and the effects of trauma. It has to be said that isolation is different from taking time out to be alone for reflection. Eventually, all the insights and ability gained from any solo reflection have to come out and be expressed and received by others.

People who attempt to heal on their own without contact with others will find the going very tough. We humans are social creatures and it is through socialising that we grow, even if we do need to be alone from time to time. Those who isolate themselves risk sinking into further depression or other similar conditions.

So if you are depressed, or face deep wounds you are healing from, reach out and seek help, either through your social network or from professionals. It may take some time for you to find the help that is appropriate to your needs but reaching out will start you on that journey.

For those who know people who are depressed or healing from deep wounds, you can provide them with a safe space to do their healing. Even if you do not have professional training, just being there for the person can be the very lifeline they are seeking. I will provide some tips below on how to do this safely, for yourself and the other person.

Tips to remember when seeking to help others heal

*Offer a listening ear and your heart (not your solutions)

Most of the time, people need a listening ear and your open heart more than your solutions to their issues. Just being there is more than enough. Offering solutions is not ideal as you are usually not fully aware of the entire situation that the person is going through.

 *Listen to understand (not to respond)

You are there to be in service to the person. Your presence and understanding are what will help them heal. Do your best to understand what the person is attempting to communicate. Refrain from speaking except to acknowledge that you understood. Even well-meaning words such as “don’t worry so much” may be counter-productive.

 *Suspend your judgement

Often you will see the “perfect solution” to the issue that the person is going through. Refrain from offering it to the person. Understand that it is only coming from your perspective and experience. Do not assume that you know what is best for the person you are helping.

*Set a time limit

This is more important for your self-care as a helper. The time limit will ensure that you are not totally drained of your energy by the end of helping the person. It also gives the person you are helping an idea of how much help they can expect from you.

*Sit with the emotions

Allow yourself to be affected by the emotions coming up. It helps the other person to feel safe that you are affected. However, do not get caught up in the other person’s emotions. If you are not ready to or unable to set aside the emotions after helping the person, it would be best you do not offer this kind of help.

*Seek professional help

There will be times when the people you are helping need professional help to get them through their challenges. Refer them to professionals if you know of any or encourage them to seek professional help on their own. 

While I have been talking about depression and deep wounds in this article, the above tips are also useable to help people in transition, such as those who just lost a job. It can also help people who are faced with life-altering changes, such as a disease diagnosis.

One big benefit of helping others heal is that it also helps us heal. The feel-good factor, as well as the connection, can help us and others realise that we are not alone in our struggles and that others do care.

#innerwork #mindclearing #lionelslearnings #betterlife #healing #kindness #openheart #understanding #listentounderstand