Are We Being Good Role Models?

I was thinking this morning about the responsibility of business leaders to be good role models at work and hopefully in life. As I sipped coffee and reflected on this topic, I realized how often I observe disconnects between the behavior desired by leaders for their teams and the leader’s actual behavior. There is a lot of “do what I say, not what I do” behavior that creates challenges for team members who are looking for their leaders to be good role models and set a positive example. I hope we can agree that being a good role model at work means consistently demonstrating the behaviors and values we expect from our team, and inspiring them to follow suit through our actions rather than just our words.

All of us are human and imperfect. But I would argue we can all strive to be better at modeling the behavior we wish to see in others. Here are some relevant examples and opportunities for change that many of us likely see in business every day:

• We promote self-care and healthy work/life balance, but demonstrate workaholic behavior and routinely cross boundaries by emailing or texting our colleagues at night and over the weekend.
• We encourage unplugging and recharging for our team members while they are on vacation, but routinely work during our own vacations.
• We preach the need for open and honest conversations in meetings, but react defensively or dismissively to comments from colleagues that we do not wish to hear.
• We want our teams to collaborate better and build strong relationships across the team and the organization, but fail to model this behavior ourselves. Teams that operate in silos often emulate the behavior of their leaders.
• We may talk at a high level about the need for growth and personal development with our teams, but don’t engage often enough in productive 1:1 coaching conversations with them.
• We promote the idea of fairness on our teams, but may show favoritism to a select few.

I could share additional observations, but I think we get the picture. In the 25 years I spent as a senior leader before becoming an executive coach in 2012, I admit that I occasionally identified with a number of leadership behaviors from the above list. The idea here is not to wallow in our guilt, but strive to be better. If you are reading this post and feeling convicted, here is an effective road map of five simple best practices I have integrated into my leadership approach and coached others to follow as well in an effort to be the positive role models we are meant to be.

1. Look in the mirror. Make a list of things you often say to your team and other colleagues at work. Any mantras and catch phrases you are known for like “work/life balance is a must” or “you can always tell me what you really think”? What do you say to motivate and inspire others? Now, next to this list, grade each of your go-to statements with a score on a scale of 1-10 and be brutally honest. How are you doing? Are you really honoring and modeling these public pronouncements? Where is the disconnect? Where do you need to make changes?
2. Seek specific feedback. Specific, not general “feel good” feedback is key. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Go to team members, peers and even your boss with questions such as “Please be candid with me. Do you see a disconnect between things you hear me say at work and my actual behavior?” or “I am trying to be a better leader and need some help. If there were specific areas for me to be a more positive role model at work, what would they be?” or “If there was one specific behavior you would like to see me change this year, what would it be?” The learning from this feedback may be difficult, but also powerful and extremely helpful.
3. Seek accountability. If you identify that you have work to do at being a better role model, seek out accountability partners to help. Recruit colleagues who will be brutally honest with you, not just people who tell you what you wish to hear. Give them permission to pull you aside and challenge you whenever they see you not living up to this important standard of being a good role model.
4. Be authentic. If this post is resonating with you, it is possible that you may have lost track of who you are and what you believe. You still say the right things, but may have shifted your behaviors in a negative way to meet the stressful demands of your job, the political pressure from the surrounding work culture or the requirements of your own boss who may not be modeling the right behaviors either.
5. Be clear about your values and practice virtuous behavior. At the core of modeling the right behavior as leaders, is knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is about knowing what really matters and what is intrinsically good. It is about modeling for others the virtues of kindness, humility, gratitude, candor, vulnerability, generosity, fairness, patience, and hard work (among others) as the most effective and respected leaders typically do.

Our work colleagues are watching us every day. We are shaping a future generation of leaders by how we conduct ourselves in front of them. They are scrutinizing our words and behavior and looking for consistency. Do we hold ourselves to the same standards we apply to others? Are we leaders they can trust? Are we leaders who inspire others and can get the most out of our teams because we can be counted on to do the right things and work hard at being good role models? Are we leaders truly worth following?

I think we are all a work in progress. Writing this post and sharing this guidance with you, as I have with so many of my friends and clients, is my small cathartic effort to remind myself to be a better role model in my daily life and encourage all of us to do the same. It likely goes without saying, but everything you have read in this post is applicable to our personal lives as well. The behaviors required to be a good role model at work will make you a better spouse, better parent, better friend and better community servant.

What will you do this week and the rest of 2025 to be a better role model to those around you?

*My newest book, Becoming a More Thoughtful Leader, is available from Amazon! This book can be an excellent companion and guide for you to make the most of the coming year. If you would like to learn more about the book, read over 60 humbling 5-star reviews and purchase a copy, click here.

Randy Hain is the president of Serviam Partners, the award-winning author of 11 books, an executive coach, leadership consultant and thought leader on candor, clarity, time management and business relationships. He is also the co-founder of The Leadership Foundry.