ARE WE BECOMING TOO ISOLATED & LONELY?
Marie T Rogers, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Consultant, Author, Blogger, Producer & Podcaster
Too many these days are experiencing profound feelings of isolation and loneliness, resulting in mental and physical health consequences. According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), more than 1 in 3 adults aged 45 and older feel lonely in the United States. This concern is not limited to middle aged and older adults, as college students and young adults are reporting similar feelings of isolation and loneliness. Although worsened during the global pandemic, this trend precedes its occurrence.
While loneliness impacts everyone differently, we all need meaningful connections in order to thrive. The deeper our relationships, the better our outlook and reporting of personal satisfaction. It appears that "social" media and the advancements in technology have actually created the opposite intended effect; more superficial and less meaningful interactions.
Adding the stress and demands of modern life, including never ending to-do lists, long hours, hectic schedules, non-restorative sleep, and a sedentary lifestyle, and it is no wonder that so many cannot remember the last time they felt good. High stress levels and not feeling satisfied about oneself and one's life typically result in lowered motivation to get together and interact with others. This further exacerbates feelings of isolation and loneliness, compounded by becoming further disconnected from self, others, and life.
We are significantly less frequently coming together enjoying meals, shared experiences and impromptu visits. Instead, we are retreating to small indoor spaces (as opposed to spending time outdoors in nature), staring at screens, and veering further away from the more nourishing and rewarding aspects of life.
The health concerns related to isolation and loneliness include the potential for increased rates of:
The remedy? SOCIAL CONNECTION. When reminiscing, it is not the endless hours we've spent at work or the time consumed in front of screens that we remember but, instead, the cherished moments shared in creating special memories with others.
While we all need time alone to think, reflect and re-charge, it becomes an issue when there is an imbalance. Being alone does not equal being lonely. If we have good and solid relationships in our lives, then some alone time is quite welcoming and restorative. On the flip side, there are those surrounded by others, perhaps at work or at college, and while they are never technically alone, they lack the deep and healthy satisfying connections necessary for happiness and health.
MEETING & MAKING NEW FRIENDS AS AN ADULT
When younger, it was so much easier to make friends. Children and teenagers typically make friends with others in the neighborhood and at school. Through structured environments and activities, meeting and befriending others happen spontaneously and easily. The ease and spontaneity change as we grow older into adulthood. What was once so readily available has now become an activity we need to devote time cultivating and nurturing. It will require some effort and patience on your part. However, the time invested in building these relationships, connections and friendships will be worth it!
Here are some tips to adult friendship building:
Pursue Your Interests
By starting with something you are already interested in may just be the most ideal and gratifying way to meet others. If you enjoy yoga, find a local yoga class or studio. The same applies for running, art, theater, traveling, cooking, sewing, etc. Book clubs are also an excellent way to meet and interact with others. If there isn't an already organized club or group in your community, then perhaps you can start one!
Take Advantage of Social Media & Apps
Social media, when used for purposes of communicating and staying up-to-date with family and friends around the globe and for finding events and groups that share your interest, can be enjoyable, rewarding and resourceful. However, that is not how many of us are using the internet and specifically social media these days. It has unfortunately become a distraction from engaging in life and creating meaningful connections. As with anything, balance is important. Also, platforms such as Meetup, Facebook groups, Bumble BFF and Nextdoor, just to name a few, can help you find others with similar interests and who also want to get together. Through hopping online, you may find that your local community center has backgammon tournaments Wednesday nights and you just happen to love backgammon!
Attend Events & Gatherings
Attend community events, workshops, seminars, or networking events where you can meet new people. If you tend to be more introverted, then one possible solution is to reach out to more extroverted co-workers, neighbors or family members and invite them to go along with you. This will increase the chances of your follow-through and attendance and these individuals will in all likelihood help to further connect you with others. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can lead to meaningful and interesting experiences and connections.
Volunteer
Volunteering not only is personally rewarding but it also allows you to contribute to your community and provides opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who are passionate about similar causes.
When out and about, be open to conversations and interactions with others. Standing in line or sitting in a common area (such as at the grocery store, airport or corporate meeting room) with your eyes looking down glued to your phone will not invite spontaneous dialogue. This behavior signals I am not approachable and do not wish to engage in conversation. By putting your device away and noticing your surroundings, you increase the possibilities of communication. You simply become more approachable. The person you're making small talk with at the cafe of your local bookstore may end up becoming a new buddy solely because of a brief exchange in which you both discovered a similar interest in art, investment and finance, or poetry based on the books you chose to look through while sipping on a delicious cup of herbal tea.
Be patient and realize that building connections takes time. Do not hesitate to take initiative. Too many these days are feeling isolated and lonely and a text from you or an invite to go check out a local green market may be the high point in their day and the beginning of a long and cherished friendship.
"NO MAN IS A FAILURE WHO HAS FRIENDS"
-It's a Wonderful Life
The information presented in this article is intended for?general knowledge?and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment. As with most things in life, there isn't a magic pill or "cure-all" but there are strategies to help regain control of your life. One such strategy may be to seek the help of a mental health professional and/or a therapy group so as to provide yourself with the extra support you may need at this time to help move your life forward. Therapy provides a safe place to process your personal circumstances.
References
The Loneliness Epidemic Persists: A Post-Pandemic Look at the State of Loneliness among U.S. Adults. The Cigna Group; December 2021. Accessed March 21, 2023.
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1 年Building meaningful friendships as adults takes effort, but it's absolutely worth it in the long run! ??