We Are All Self-Interested

"If I showed you a picture of you and your friends, I'd bet you my car that the first person you'd look at is yourself." ~ That sales guy from Penske

Have you ever found yourself randomly thinking about someone from your past whose face you can barely materialize and whose name you couldn't even guess at this point, and think, "I really hope he's doing well"? I occasionally have that thought about the sales guy from Penske I quoted above. When I was 19, I spent my time between classes working as a rental manager at Penske Truck Leasing, and there was one successful lease sales rep we all revered.

At that time, I was taking economics courses thinking I'd someday work for the IMF or State Dept, so I wasn't exactly on the lookout for great sales mentors. This guy, however, was hard to miss.

All day he was on the move. Shuffling his wingtips in and out of the shop between sales meetings with Staples or Wal-Mart, scattering a trail of sales wisdoms like breadcrumbs behind him. Sharply dressed, built, great hair, fancy car - he even had a T-Mobile Sidekick! That's how you knew he was "big time" back then.

The quote above was a passing sales lesson he dropped on me that I'll never forget (unlike his name and likeness apparently).

He stood in the lobby one afternoon while I helped a customer rent a moving truck. Killing time before a sales call he was determined to annoy me, restlessly pacing the shop floor and doing random stretches and calisthenics as if a CrossFit competition could breakout at any minute. In addition to stretching his hammies he was also eavesdropping on my conversation with the customer.

After the customer left with their truck keys, this sales guy watched my customer through the window.

Arms crossed he watched the customer get into the rental truck and without breaking his pseudo-pensive gaze out the window he asked me, "What do you think he's using the truck for?"

"Not sure," I replied.

Finally turning towards me, he posited, "Helping his kids move-out of their college dorms?"

"Helping a buddy move some furniture?"

"Oh, maybe he just bought a new house!"

Slightly annoyed and probably too busy wondering if I'd get out in time to catch Finnegan's Happy Hour, I replied "Yeah, dude. Maybe."

"Aren't you curious?"

"No, not really."

His attitude quickly changed from playful to direct. "Because if he's helping his kids move out, then he'll probably have to rent a truck a few months from now to move them back in, right? And if he's helping his buddy move furniture, his buddy will probably return the favor someday and need another truck. Maybe he bought a new house with a fiancé who will need to move stuff out of her apartment later, you know?"

He could tell I was picking-up the lesson, but the "why" wasn't yet resonating.

"If I showed you a picture of you and your friends, I'd bet you my car that the first person you'd look at is yourself."

"You know why that is? It's because we all operate under self-interest."

Being the liberal arts major I was, I immediately took humanity's defense. "No no no, whatever that guy is doing with the truck isn't all about self-interest, dude. Stop. That's your cynical view of the world. You said it yourself - he might be helping his kids or his friends or even helping his charity or something."

The smile on this sales guy's face when he realized I walked into his trap... I couldn't pick his face out of a line-up today but I'll always remember that validated smile he sprung on me.

"Ahh, what was that?" he asked. "Did you say HIS family? HIS friends? HIS charity? I never said he doesn't care about other people. That customer might be the nicest human on earth. But he cares about what HE cares about and he cares for HIS causes. That's why you look at yourself first in the picture. It's not that you care ONLY about yourself. You care about everyone in that picture, but by your very nature it always starts with you."

He went on to talk about how he applies this in his sales approach. He schooled me that afternoon, and I've since evolved that lesson into my first basic principle or relationship development.

All day, everyday... every interaction that takes place around us, every word that's said to us, every decision that's made for us - our internal question is always the same, "How will this affect me and the people/places/things I care about?"

People aren't selfish; they are self-interested. Rather than fight this natural phenomenon, what if we internalized it and pointed it outward?

What if with every interaction we have with our managers, clients, suppliers, parents, children, neighbors, staff, we have a recurring mantra in our minds: "How are the words I'm using and decisions I'm making affecting these people's self-interest?" More importantly, how do I gain a better understanding of their self-interests, so I can tailor my message and my actions to align with what they care about most?

It may seem intuitive to read now, but as you face a sea of personal interactions tomorrow I implore you to think deeply about the self-interests of those individuals and take note of how their posture and attitudes change when you shift your language to better tap into their self-interests.

Moreover, if that customer walks through your door tomorrow, don't miss the opportunity to learn more about their self-interests. What do they care about? How can what you provide in your vocation, position, age, status, etc. positively impact their self-interests? This mental exercise will allow you to quickly cut right to the core of what people care about most, and you'll be surprised by how a 15-minute intro could springboard into a long, fruitful relationship.

Penske Bro... I really hope you're reading this. Your passing wisdom was well received and internalized, and I hope you are somewhere happy and successful and continuing to share great tips with young people. We're listening... well, they're listening. I can't call myself "young" anymore after how many cracking sounds I made getting out of bed this morning.

About the Author

Sean is the author of That Was Awkward: 7 Secrets of an Awkward Networker and the founder of Awkward Networker , a professional development website focused on encouraging and mentoring networkers by providing his tips and techniques to avoid the natural awkwardness of networking. Sean is also the founder and CEO of a business development consulting firm, Selling By Hand, where he helps organizations harness the power of relationship development to exceed their most ambitious sales goals.