Please note: This piece is from a personal perspective. It is in no way a professional or medical advice. Seek professional help, if you need it.
Trauma can be a very complex and subjective topic. In the past few years, I have personally struggled with mental and physical stress. Working on complex sensitive issues of abuse and violence took a toll on me professionally and personally. I started having immense backache issues, and inflammation and my mental health went for a toss. In the space that we work in as social development professionals, no one really teaches you how to take care of yourself. With a passion for work and a lack of understanding about self-care, I kept pushing myself to the point where my mind and body were left exhausted. While working with children on child abuse, I started educating myself about trauma and healing and that’s when my journey with healing began with little steps.
Trauma and healing are crucial needs in today’s world, especially after the acute catastrophic pandemic like COVID-19. With so many intergenerational traumas, inequalities, illness, and toxicity, it is important that we look at our health from a holistic perspective. It is also essential to include healing in all aspects of our work, especially when working with communities that deal with multiple levels of marginalisation. One needs to understand how our physical and mental health is intricately interwoven with how we feel, and what we perceive of ourselves and the world around us. It’s important to understand childhood traumas and how they impact adulthood.
I have recently finished a book on Trauma, Healing and Toxic Culture by Gabor Mate. There are a few crucial learnings I have had as I read this book:
- ?Trauma is anything that leaves a wound, a scar, an unresolved feeling in you. As Gabor Mate puts it, "Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you." And sometimes the trauma isn't about the bad experience but how people around us respond to the experience. For example, many times children who have gone through child sexual abuse aren't so much traumatised by the incident of abuse but by how their parents or caregivers respond to that experience. "My mother never believed me", "my father told me it was my fault." When one doesn't respond to a bad experience in a healthy way, it leaves a scar on the mind, body and soul of the person, making it difficult to let go off the experience.
- Trauma is in most cases multigenerational. The chain of transmission goes from parent to child, stretching from the past into the present. Intergenerational poverty also leads to trauma in people where they are deprived of basic needs for survival.
- There is a strong link between body and mind when it comes to trauma. Emotional stresses become inseparable from the physical states of our bodies. Our body takes on the traumas we experience in our lives. What our mind forgets, our bodies remember.
?How do we heal from Traumas?
- Authenticity: In a world of so many expectations, it is important to be authentic with yourself, with your traumas, and with the people around you. We tend to hide our true feelings and keep doing things that are expected out of us which eventually leads to fatigue, anxiety or depression. Many adults make choices based on the expectations of their families, colleagues, and partners without knowing what they want which eventually leads to immense fatigue and frustration. It gradually ruins our relationships with people and most importantly, with ourselves. Be true to yourself, to your gut feeling.
- Agency: Taking full responsibility for our lives. When we don't have agency over our lives, it leads to frustration and stress. Lack of agency can be from several socio-political situations like poverty, injustice, marginalization etc. Exercising agency can be powerfully healing. Start with learning to say 'No'. The agency is about choosing fully and freely what your gut tells you, something that is true to your authentic self.
- Anger & Acceptance: We have always been taught that anger is a bad thing. But anger is a natural, healthy emotion. For instance, when the cubs are attacked, the lion/lioness responds in anger because that is their defence mechanism to a possible threat. Anger can be good when we want to create healthy boundaries without being toxic. Not taking too much bull**** and knowing when to preserve yourself is important. There is no grace in tolerating too much or suffering too much without any emotional outlet. Acceptance of the present is very important. Allowing things to be as they are, however, they are, gives a great sense of relief and liberation.
- Self-love: Self-love becomes integral in our journey of healing. Knowing yourself, taking care and loving yourself in times when it seems hard but every day making little efforts to be kinder to yourself is important. Self-love can be seen in many forms, from things as basic as drinking water regularly and going for long walks to learning to draw healthy boundaries and prioritizing yourself.
- Community-love (the book doesn’t mention it but I believe it’s important): Along with self-love, one needs support from the community as well. We are all social beings, humans can’t exist without each other. We need to create communities whom we can rely upon, and look for support and solidarity in times of crisis. Having a tribe of people who can support you, love you, and care for you is all that you need along with self-love in your journey of healing.
?The world needs healing more than anything else. Give healing a chance- it’s possible.
