Are we all in the midst of Ambiguous Loss and don't realize it?

Ambiguous loss is a term coined by Pauline Boss, who described it as the ongoing stress that results from having an ongoing connection to someone or something that you can't quite possess or find. Ambiguous loss is not so much a single, specific loss but instead involves ongoing feelings of yearning and longing for a person, place, relationship, or other connection. Ambiguous loss is not just about death, but can be experienced by anyone who has an ongoing emotional bond with someone or something that cannot be separated cleanly-as when an aging parent or relative progressively is taken away through memory loss or a chronic disease.

Ambiguous loss is not so much a single event as it is an ongoing process with no clear beginning nor end.

In a sense, the Covid pandemic has left the world in a state of ambiguous loss for several reasons. Many of us have lost the ability to travel about as we wish, or be with the groups of people we choose. And so many of us have been separated from loved ones for many months.

Still others have lost their businesses or jobs because of the pandemic. Students who have been looking forward graduation ceremonies and other 'rites of passage' have had to give them up in exchange for an online virtual 'event'. Zoom meetings seem endless and awkward, as we sit and stare at others and ourselves for multiple hours a day.

And then there is the ongoing and persistent stress of wondering about the pandemic's long-term impact: Who will be sick next, will we ever go back to what life was before, and how will it affect our loved ones?

All of the above-the loss of independence, loved ones, events to look forward to, work and then the pandemic itself-combines into an Ambiguous Loss that is all around us.

But we don't have to end this awareness on a negative note. There are things we can do immediately to acknowledge, accept, and heal.

For example, we can allow ourselves time to grieve and 'process' Ambiguous Losses. This might look like taking a walk or spending time alone in nature or talking with people you trust about your personal experiences of Ambiguous Loss.

It might also call for you to take some time to do things that you've put on hold, like finishing up that college degree you have been telling yourself you were going to do 'one day'.

We can also remember that we are not alone in this world. We can turn our attention to those around us who may be experiencing the same Ambiguous Loss as we are, and offer support and understanding.

Lastly, we can use Ambiguous Losses as an opportunity to learn new skills, or strengthen existing ones. We might get back into hobbies we had put on hold for some time. Or seek out relationships with others whose interests are similar to ours in order to gain new perspectives.

The Covid pandemic has given us all things to heal from, but it doesn't have to overwhelm us. We can turn these Ambiguous Losses into opportunities for growth and learning that will help us thrive in more resilient and creative ways.