We ALL know Black Lives Matter, but does CHARACTER Matter too? Part II: Meet the CAVE People
By: T. Timothy Tart
Remember you will not have the power to veto everyone out of your life or surroundings, and you will not have the power to vote everyone in your life or surroundings. There will be times when THOSE people will already be there when you arrive. You cannot assume that you are as intelligent or skilled as you perceive yourself to be, and you cannot assume that everyone has access to the level of information you possess when it comes to daily affairs. What are you talking about, Timothy? Where are you going with this part two article? Who are the CAVE people? I am glad you asked these questions while you are reading this article. #comicalmoment
If you have read Part I of this Black Lives vs. Black Character series, then you would know I was in a situation where my kindness was being abused and manipulated. I was handling most or all of the responsibility of a person I called “TWIN” supposed to be my friend, and turns out was a complete antagonist to my storyline. We cannot continue to align ourselves with people who are not proper stewards in their own lives. We MUST recognize the signs in their lives to know if we should connect to THAT person or TYPE of person.
After leaving my place with the “TWIN” I thought would have had my back as much as I had hers when it comes to responsibility, I moved in with a good friend, brother, and leader. When I got to his apartment on the other side of town, I ran into a family of ladies with the last name CAVE. MY goodness! I thought most people who were practically homeless would have better manners, boundaries, and grace when entering another home after being evicted by your own mother and grandmother. That right there is a thinking or pondering moment, why would you get thrown out of YOUR OWN MOTHER’S HOME? What did you do for her to say in the middle of the night, you need to leave I have someone coming over this weekend?
I have heard the rumors, as one would hear at work when a person is terminated, demoted, or transferred. Why would a lifetime relationship end in this level of chaos? The funny thing about it is, you would assume or lead people to believe it was a health condition, and maybe it was, but how you take care of space, then it would not be shocking that someone would tell you to get out! I remember when I first got to my brother’s place and he allowed me to share his room with him. Since I didn’t have employment at the time and I was working on it, I was cleaning, organizing, and staying to myself. I was very torn, frustrated and hurt again by a person who I perceived to be good company. WRONG AGAIN! I remember the very first night I got here, I began to straighten up the living room and it was cleaner than the people who lived here had ever seen it. That’s when I got the high praise and looks in amazement, then I moved to the kitchen. I complete reorganized it the way most kitchens I had seen looked across America. I may have overstepped my boundaries, but I was trying to create usefulness out of an upsetting situation. I had to relocate all of my things, solicit help from people who not use to being placed in this type of situation. I had to completely humble my personality and perceptions. I didn’t want to ask one particular person at the time, knowing that person had a major crush on me. I was not interested in that person at all in that manner.
Finally, relocating my things from one side of the city to another, I started to get comfortable with one of the CAVE members, and didn’t realize that I was going to fall into the TRAP most people fall into thinking good intentions of a person who was just as fractured as you are or were at the time. I didn’t know this individual has 5 kids by possibly different men. I didn’t know this person has an aggressive type nature without regards to other people’s personal space. I didn’t know this person would be nosey and intrusive. I was not aware this person has differences places between all of her children. I didn’t know this person dealt alternative life experiences. I did not know this person would take a long standing relationship and create rumors and spread gossip to others perverting a relationship she desired. What I did know was she would be another good friend or sister to develop a relationship with due to her years of life experience? Who would have thought that she would have issues accepting advice, but would freely deposit it in unwanted places?
Black people already have a stigma in the world, why would be continue that stigma by embracing ignorance, laziness, and unprofessionalism? Why would we continue to intrude into areas without an invitation? Why would we know we are not in a position of power and authority usurp those who legitimately have power and authority? Where do we get the audacity without foundation? She was just kicked out of her MOTHER’S home! What advice do you have for me? Later we discover, she has been claiming spirituality, when it’s actually perception, suspicion and paranoia. Where do we get our confidence? To add insult to injury, you are sloppy, cantankerous, cacophonous, and you are presumptuous. You barely been at your company for 4 months, and you are more concerned about other lives than the people you produced and should be accountable to vs. people you should not be concerned with unless it’s to adhere to the contract made with them.
Why did you get kicked out of your mother’s house? In addition, out of all the best friends, family members, “thug friends” “hood friends” you possess in your life, then why would you not ask to stay with them? Better yet, why didn’t you ask to stay with your son who lives less than 100 miles from your current location? Why are living with people you barely know when people you do know has space for you? The question would be to the reader, how does this tie into the black live matter and character having significance? WE are almost there and then YOU and I will get principles to follow to ensure we are helping not harming each other.
Recently we have decided to stay with our friend closer to the kids’ school and our job, when we should have considered that option prior to moving your children to a place with predominantly men, and then register secretly your concerns. Why didn’t you think about that when you exhibited the following behaviors?
Meet the CAVE PEOPLE…The Mother, Daughter Number 1, Daughter Number 2, Daughter Number 3*, and Daughter Number 4, and Son Number 1**.
Mother, age 35ish, 5 kids, works for a factory, church goer, talented and skilled, in exchange for living arrangement MUST provide food for the house and cook it.
Son Number 1, Age 21ish, in the Army, supposedly MMA fighter, signed to be on the front lines of the Army, has a daughter, and lives on base approximately 100 miles from the DFW area. Does NOT live in the house, the CAVE people are staying RENT and BILL FREE
Daughter Number 1, Age 13, Eighth grade, she is in AP classes at middle school, she is responsible for everything her younger sisters do in any and every capacity. She must cook, clean, review their homework, watch them, babysit them, she is literally their mother. She is physically 13, but she is treated as if she is 30ish. Her mother blames her for any actions her younger sisters take even when she may not be around.
Daughter Number 2, Age 10, she is intelligent, sweet, she can whine, but she is very helpful, diligent, wise, and she has a sister she is responsible for as well.
Daughter Number 3, Age 8ish, What can I say about this child? Her mother has favoured this child. She can practically get away with anything. She is loud, obnoxious, rebellious, she supposed has ADHD, she can’t hear, she lost her father, and she is rude, she is constantly trying to torture her other sisters and then after they scream at her to stop, she claims she was just playing, after they have demanded her to stop more than 3 times. She throws tantrums, and supposedly she has depressions issues, but her sister’s really can’t stand her.
Daughter Number 4, She is 6, and her mother yells at her like she is 17. She is soo sweet. She obeys and listens to what she is told. She is very brilliant, fashionable and sneaky. You have to watch her. She should be on TV. She is the cutest little girl. She whines as well and very energetic, but she’s a little girl, and completely lovable, but I do keep my eye on her.
The things the CAVE people do in a PLACE they are not paying for NOR contributing to in any fashion…
· When the air condition is running, they have a tendency to leave the doors open.
· When using the restrooms, they take a shower and leave trails of water all over the floor.
· When the older ones are on their period, they leave the woman’s napkins in the toilet.
· They use all of the toilet paper and never replace it.
· They have purchased one or two items and when they are used up, they justify never purchasing any more items.
· The Mother barges into one of the renter’s room without permission and demand to sleep in his room.
· The Mother’s oath was to keep the house furnished with food and cook the food, but has not fulfilled that promised as apart of her payment agreement.
· The living furniture was once white, and now a dingy tan due to their spilled food, drinks, and other body functions. By the way, the living room furniture cost is over $5,000.
· They leave their shoes in the middle of the floor.
· If and when people are sleep in the house, they will turn the TV to over 40+, claiming they cannot hear it when the TV is literally 2 feet from their face.
· They will mess in the toilets, and refuse to flush it.
· They will run out the hot water without consideration for other people in the house.
· The mother and her children will make a large amount of dishes and expect for others who were never in the kitchen to clean after them
· The Mother consistently intruded in and on others’ lives knowing her Daughter #3 has an issue with sitting down in one spot without disturbing the neighbors below us, since we on the second floor.
· The daughters will slam doors in and out while going in and out of the apartment.
If you are in another man’s home, company and YOU do not have your own place and that man or company is the reason YOU are still existing or living, then you should be more grateful.
What are the TAKEAWAYS? What can we learn from the CAVE people that has not discovered fire yet? What can we learn from people that do not have their own yet?
There are 10 principles you must learn from the CAVE people:
1. Know your boundaries IMMEDIATELY.
2. Know your roles and responsibilities.
3. Focus on YOURSELF and the direction you are going
4. IF you are asked for assistance, then help with the task or the project and return to your own area.
5. If you are working in a public area, accessible to the public, then keep it cleaner than the expected standard. Remember, YOU ARE A GUEST not a tenant!
6. Keep your moving parts to a minimum. You may have adjusting pieces, but train them to limit their movement. In other words, move only when necessary.
7. Ask before taking. You are not obligated to NOTHING, anything anyone give is considered a gift. People are NOT obligated to anything above what was promised.
8. Leave the atmosphere how you entered the atmosphere. In other words, if it was quiet when you got there, then leave it quiet while you are there.
9. Maintain the space you are given. You are not allowed all over the facility. If that is your space or desk, keep it neat, clean and manageable.
10. FOCUS on your future permanent location. Remember, you are a GUEST! If you made a promise and that is considered your payment, then honor it with your entire being.
BONUS: Never assume that the tenants’ rights are accessible to you. You are a GUEST. You must maintain humility and integrity while in another place. Remember, technically you do not have your own place or space. Be grateful! Remember, WHAT YOU SOW, YOU SHALL REAP in SPADES!
