We are all Bozo's on the bus

Elizabeth Lesser, through her book 'Broken Open' has, this week, introduced me to an idea posited by Wavy Gravy (he's a campaigner and fund raiser for good causes!). Wavy says, 'We are all Bozo's on the bus. We might as well sit back and enjoy the ride'.

It's an idea that we are all imperfect. We all have flaws, superficial and deep. And if we can all accept that everyone has these flaws, that everyone is on the 'Bozo bus' (rather than imagining we might be the only passenger, whilst another bus, full of people living their perfect, fulfilling lives, speeds ahead of us), then we can get past lots of the shame, embarrassment or feelings of being less-than, that so many of us carry around.

As Lesser says "every single person on this bus called earth hurts; it's when we have shame about our failings, that hurt turns into suffering."

Why is this on my mid? Well, there's been a lot of amazing coverage of mental health this month, as well as menopause - both being the subject of campaigns to raise awareness in the UK during October. And as I was reading the campaigns about mental health, the metaphor that physical pain can be seen, like in a broken arm or a sickness bug, but emotional and psychological pain can often not outwardly be identified, struck a chord with me, because as well as being so true, and a reason why we need to open up conversation around mental health, it also doesn't apply as a metaphor for women's health. Women's physical and emotional health has long been silenced, dismissed, or judged so harshly it has been pushed infinitely far down anyone's list of 'things to bring up in conversation'.

Women's health is physical and emotional health. The menopause, the menstrual cycle, pelvic health - all have equally important and challenging physical and psychological components. Women suffer physically, from period pain, or menstrual headaches, menopausal joint pain, pelvic pain or incontinence (to name a few), without feeling comfortable enough to talk about it, and often feeling like that's a womans lot in life and there's nothing to be done about it, except suffer in silence. Women have suffered psychologically at the hand of their hormonal fluctuations, monthly, or across life stages, but are often dismissed as 'hormonal' rather than acknowledged and supported to find a solution.

For me, accepting that we are all 'Bozo's on the bus' means accepting that as women, despite being beautifully unique, we are united by our biological sex, and we should be talking more openly about our experiences of our female body, about the imperfections and challenges we experience, without the fear of being judged weak or fragile. That last bit is the deal breaker by the way -cultivating environments where it's safe to show up as your whole self, and be able to share your experience of your body, both physically and emotionally, and have that experienced supported positively.

It is my experience that when women share their experiences of being women, we start to normalise a new normal. Not one where women have superhuman powers and we can't talk about the things that might be holding them back or weighing them down. But one where we acknowledge that women have shit that goes wrong, that our bodies sometimes betray our ambitions for them, that our understanding of our bodies limits our ability to get the best out of them. We layer on more physical and emotional pain by existing in a world that silences our physical and emotional pain. I think our superpowers come from understanding our bodies better, and how to work with them, and not against them throughout life. When we share our experiences, women start to develop a deeper understanding of their bodies, what's normal and what's not, which removes anxiety, it removes frustration and it helps us feel better, do better and live better. Lesser says "When we see clearly that every single human being, regardless of fame or fortune, or age or brains or beauty, shares the same ordinary foibles, a strange thing happens. We begin to cheer up, to loosen up, and we become as buoyant as those people we imagined on the other bus. As we rumble along the potholed road, lost as ever, through the valleys and over the hills, we find ourselves among friends. We sit back and enjoy the ride."