The Way We Talk to Our Kids Becomes Their Inner Voice

We all have an inner voice (some people call it “self-talk”). Actually, most of us have MULTIPLE voices. Some voices are positive, but most of them tend to be negative. The negative voices hold us back and keep us from reaching our full potential.

As a coach, I get asked these two questions a lot, “Where do the voices come from?” and “How do I make them shut up!?”

Let me answer the second question first. Instead of trying to silence the voices (which you can’t do - at least not permanently), listen to them instead. It’s counter-intuitive, but it works.

** If you’re interested in WHY it’s important to listen to your voices, shoot me a message (email, etc.). That’s part of what I help people understand in my coaching program. Understanding your inner voices and developing a relationship with them is very powerful and can literally change your life. **

Regarding the first question, voices can develop at any point. But most of them have their roots in childhood.

Who did you spend most of your time with as a kid (usually)? Your parents! And if your parents weren’t around, someone else was (a grandparent, uncle, aunt, family friend, foster parent, etc.). The bottom line is that you were raised by someone and that someone said things to you - both positive and negative.

As a kid, it can be hard to navigate and process the daily dialog. Even well-intentioned comments can be taken the wrong way (let’s face it, this isn’t just a problem kids have, we all struggle with this!). One of our coping mechanisms is to develop inner voices. The voices “protect” us and serve as emotional “blankies.”

The problem is that most people grow up without giving their inner voices any attention. As a result, they end up having the same inner dialog as adults that they did when they were kids! It might have helped them 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70+ years ago, but now it’s not relevant.

The purpose of this post is to remind parents to be more mindful of what they say to their kids. When you understand that daily dialog can turn into potentially life-long, inner voice companions, it causes you to pause and rethink what you say and how you say it.

Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. At least mine didn’t (although I might be able to find one on Amazon!). As a parent, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to say things you regret. However, once you have a better understanding of how inner voices work, you’ll say FEWER regretful things and that will create a better life for both you and your kids

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