The Way Forward: Forgiveness, not War

I recently held a Funcon where the topic was 'What do you do and say when you don't know what to do and say?', with specific reference to the current warlike climate in the world. A truly insightful discussion, after which Dr Eve Hepburn FRSA wrote this amazing piece that I just had to share:

"A tragedy is unfolding, pain radiating from its centre, and we are all suffering. We suffer because we feel powerless to end the pain. We suffer because people – whether we know them or not, they are our brothers and sisters – they are crying out in pain. We suffer because this tragedy reveals the worst aspects of humanity – our capacity for cruelty – and we feel the sharp hollowness of pain. We suffer because we’ve seen it before, we’ve watched history repeating itself thousands of times, we know what monstrous actions humans are capable of when they dehumanise another.

And our suffering is not just global, it is deeply personal. With our suffering, like one immense weight layered on top of another, lies its brethren of guilt, shame and fear. Guilt for not doing more, or for not wanting to do anything. Shame because the perpetrators are part of our human family, we are connected to them, regardless of the narratives of ‘us’ versus ‘them’. Fear because we know what acts of harm and self-harm humanity is capable of, and because we know that, at the beating heart of this tragedy, lies fear itself. Fear is driving this tragedy, giving it fuel, burning all in its wake.

It is an existential fear, and it is a real one. It is fear of being killed, yes, of not being safe, yes, but it is deeper than that. It is the fear of being erased from history, of one’s story being written by another, of one’s family forgetting who you are. It is our biggest fear: that our life has no value, no meaning, that we are invisible, unrecognised, brutally rejected and excluded from the family of humanity.

And we should all feel ashamed on behalf of humanity that we do this to each other – and that we do it to ourselves. That we all have the capacity for anger, vengeance, fury, pain. That we are all human – and deeply flawed. That we recognise that anger and fear in ourselves. That we listen to others – people with loud voices, with power – who tell us to keep being scared, keep being angry.

But we must also remember that anger and fear are not the only human emotions. Nor are they the dominant ones driving human civilisation. If they were, perhaps none of us would be here. Just as we are capable of hurting others, so are we capable of helping others.

Because as humans, we are also capable of kindness, compassion and love. It is easier to show those feelings to those who are portrayed as like ‘us’, but we equally have the strength to extend those feelings to those who are different, like ‘others’. That is how humanity has progressed.

And that is what Shirin and Rudy, the broader Peace Action Network, and other international and civil society organisations are trying to do. They are trying to remind us of our common humanity, our capacity for kindness, our ability to overcome the drumbeats of fear and fury and extend our warmth to others. They are calling to our better sides, our higher selves, that?know?deep down that we are all connected. They are doing so by creating a space for us to explore the turmoil of emotions, to accept them, to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers, nor all of the solutions. Where we can suffer together, grieve together, and find solace in one another. Where we can get upset, be vulnerable and be heard. Where we can acknowledge the pain of others.

But it’s also a space where we can remind ourselves that we are capable of being better human beings. That we are perfectly imperfect, and we can always try harder. That we can start by listening to those who need to be heard. That we can extend our compassion and empathy to anyone suffering. That we can talk about things that make us uncomfortable – and we are capable of doing so in a way that isn’t polarising or demeaning of others. That we can disagree, but without negating the needs, identity and existence of another. That it’s not a zero sum-game of?I win, you lose.

Because we’re all losing right now, if we can’t listen and talk to each other. In conversations at the office, or the neighbourhood. Over lunch with a friend, or waiting in a queue at the grocery store with strangers. In a hall full of people, or in our front rooms. We all have the agency to make a small difference – and in a time of no easy solutions, our greatest opportunity is to advance?understanding. To listen, and to talk. To process the pain and suffering. To take responsibility for our flaws, and to aspire to our higher selves – and support others to do the same."