Waving Through A Window: The Disconnection Engine of Social Media

As I gear up to launch my project, I want to take a moment to highlight some of the systemic trends contributing to our current state of disconnection. If you find these insights valuable, I encourage you to share, comment, or react.

My goal is not just to build an application but to spark a movement toward a more connected world community of communities. This year is all about proving there’s enough momentum to make that vision a reality.

In this post, I’m going to focus how Social Networking evolved into Social Media and has had the net effect of disconnecting us by design and making us less happy (and less human) than ever before.

When Social Media was Social Networking and it was fun

Ah, remember 2004-2012? The golden age of social networking and also when social networking became social media. Ads were around, but they weren’t everywhere, and you saw what your friends were up to. It was interactive. It wasn’t all about consumption. There was community. It was fun!

On Facebook, you could organize events as most of your friends were on there or see different places to check out around you. Maybe you posted that great burrito you had. It was fun! I made friends, added them on Facebook and would invite them to a party I was throwing. It was like an address book and place to plan events with friends in one place!

On Twitter, you could see and interact with for the first time pretty much any celebrity, politician brand, or notable figure directly by @ messaging them. ?This was the first time it was so easy and so accessible. It provided ordinary citizens with a voice.

On Instagram, has never made that much sense to me, but I remember that I could follow my friends and look at pictures that I’m personally way too lazy to curate but it was fun to ?check out new fashions or what’s cool.

4Square made it fun to check into places, you could earn points, get deals, and share with friends (hint hint, huge gap here today that I’m working on). At its peak, I think I was the mayor of 10 places!

Then, SnapChat entered the scene with super fun filters. You could look like you were a cartoon dog or you could make it look like you had lost that 10 lbs you’ve been working so hard to lose!

How it lost they intentionally lost its way to addict you to your phone

Ever wonder why you see so many people scrolling Instagram, X, Tiktok, or Facebook instead of talking to each other? All of these algorithms have gotten so good at serving content you react to, maximizing every second of your attention, collecting all of your data, to do anything else but stare at your screen and consume what they’re selling. It didn’t come from nothing though. It was progression beginning 15 years ago.

Around 2009-2010, social networking started to be called “social media.” ?This is where content and advertising started to take priority. This also marked the wide introduction of algorithms to drive what you see to drive user growth, and then “engagement.” i.e. addiction.

The Start

In 2009, Facebook launched their “prioritized newsfeed.” The feed was “optimized!” Facebook literally showing whatever they deem to be a priority. Ostensibly, this was so you more “relevant” content but they maintained the chronological option due to user backlash. These engagement metrics along with progressive profiling would allow for the next step which is targeted advertising.

Facebook finally took away the chronological option in 2011. ?You’ll also note that Instagram was acquired in 2012 and originally had some independence on how to act but became Facebook overtime in terms of everything except the UI.?Around 2014, organic social started to die.

A bit later, Twitter made similar updates, however many changes that were made by Musk post-2022 have really made this into something else completely.

In 2016, TikTok (Music.ly) started with an algorithm that drove FYP (or For You Page), and this by nature drives its success.* Around the same time, YouTube was getting in hot water for radicalizing young men into joining ISIS. Videos had entered the algorithmic game.

Now everything on social was an algorithm and the transition from social networking to social media was complete.

How These Algorithms Fuel App Engagement at a Social Cost

Algorithms aren't inherently bad. They're just a set of instructions like a recipe. However, the way they've been deployed on these applications has what I will argue has made us less happy, lonelier, and more angry. Here are some features of these applications' algorithms that drive this behavior.

Amplifying Anger for Engagement

Facebook found that posts provoking anger or outrage get more reach because they increase engagement which means you’re staying on the platform longer. This algorithmic bias may keep us scrolling, but it comes at the cost of meaningful, positive interactions. These algorithms have made us more divided even though from a policy perspective, we’re actually not that far apart. ?But this makes it harder to have conversations with each other.

Prioritizing Whatever Content You Interact with Frequently

Your feed is no longer about your friends, those you follow, or even influencers you’ve chosen to follow. Ads, suggested pages, and promoted content dominate, and users have no choice but to engage with whatever material the algorithm feeds you (mine happen to be pizza, weightlifting...which seem kind of diametrically opposed). ?You’re literally experiencing your own bubble which makes it harder to relate to others. I swear my posts reach the same 50-100 people every time.

Parasocial Relationships

Instagram, TikTok and to a lesser extent Facebook and Twitter, foster the illusion of genuine social interaction. Every like or reaction delivers a fleeting dopamine hit, but it lacks the essential components needed to sustain real relationships. It’s validation without connection—a surface-level affirmation that fails to build true community.

Eroding Confidence By Showing the Highlight Reel

By promoting unattainable lifestyles and curated content, these platforms contribute to feelings of inadequacy. (NYT Gift Link) Fear of judgment or comparison discourages people from engaging in real-life social activities. ?

De-emphasizing products that get you off the app

Facebook once had incredible tools, like Events and Facebook Local, that encouraged people to connect in real life. These features have been deprioritized in favor of engagement-driven features that keep users glued to their screens. Anything to keep you from going off the app. Also, hint hint here. I see an opportunity.

Product Designs That Trap You

Let’s take one example: Instagram’s Reels force users to watch videos without previews, locking them into an endless loop of content. This design isn’t about giving you value—it’s about keeping you on the app as long as possible. It wasn’t always this way. They made the product shittier to drive engagement. See this user, but the “what’s next” part of the dopaminergic response will drive you to keep clicking. Keeping you on the app because it performed better in A/B testing for "engagement."

Slot Machine Addiction Techniques

The endless scroll mechanism on these platforms mimics a slot machine. Every refresh gives a random reward, keeping you addicted and spending more time than intended. See this article for a full run-down of these types of techniques.

Instead of fostering meaningful connections, these platforms trap users in a cycle of content consumption that isolates them further, ultimately amplifying feelings of loneliness and disconnection.

AI "Friends" to Boost Engagement – Coming Soon!

With declining platform engagement, Facebook is reportedly looking into adding AI-generated "friends" to fill the gaps. Rather than addressing the root causes of disconnection, they’re creating artificial interactions to keep you online and not interacting with real people in person. Coming soon!

Waving Through a Window

Sometimes, a musical (theatre kid here) can express the core problem way better than I can. In Waving Through A Window, from Dear Evan Hansen, Evan documents the loneliness of this new digital world and struggles to fit in.

On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been?

'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass I'm waving through a window

I try to speak, but nobody can hear

So I wait around for an answer to appear

While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I'm waving through a window, oh

Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?

It's easy to be trapped in these apps and be “Waving Through a Window” that's how they're designed.

Here’s to more real friends in 2025.

Next Posts

My other posts in this series will be about continuing to diagnose the problem from some other angles. ?

·???????? How the monetization and structure of many dating Apps and how they’ve contributed to single’s loneliness

·???????? How societal norms and the lack of third places (social infrastructure) have made it harder to connect with strangers

·???????? How Venture Capital and Big Tech have had a chilling effect on innovation and have fostered loneliness and uninnovative tech

I’ll then be releasing the rough product features and my rationale behind building them.

Please share/follow/comment and here’s to building community, together!

-Benji

P.S.: Just to be clear, I’m not a hater. I broke up with Meta products (Facebook and Instagram only yesterday) …I’m still working on transitioning off of WhatsApp. I’ve been off for 8 months and based on my check-ins with my lurker account, it’s gotten worse.

I even wanted to work at Facebook/Meta at one point and interviewed there, however, that’s no longer a desire as the current direction concerns me. ?I harbor no ill will to those who use these products. It’s only that we need to be cognizant of their social effects.

*As of late, I think this is weirdly the least alienated of the platforms because you have creators commenting on each other’s posts…put another way, there’s actually more dialogue on this platform.