Water: The Fastest Reaction Known to Mankind

The exchange of a proton between water molecules is one of the fastest reactions known to mankind. This acid-base reaction, from a Br?nsted-Lowry theorem viewpoint, is the exchange of a proton (a hadron and nucleon made of three quarks, two up quarks and one down quark (quarks and leptons (together called fermions) are the fundamental units of matter in the standard model of particle physics)) from a hydronium ion (the hydronium ion is a positively charged ion that is comprised of three hydrogens (atoms consisting of one proton and one electron (smallest lepton, also in the standard model of particle physics)) and one oxygen (I trust everyone reading this knows about oxygen as the octavalent atom we all know and love today)(and a strong acid)) to a hydroxide ion (a negatively charged ion consisting one hydrogen and one oxygen) to form water (I trust everyone also knows of Dihydrogen oxide). It happens so fast because there is a valence electron (read up on valence shell electron pair repulsion theory, or VSEPR theory) that pulls the proton towards the hydroxide ion.

H3O + OH = 2H2O (I used a mathematical equal instead of the customary arrow as there is no arrow in the standard unikey)is the formula used to represent the chemical reaction, where H3O is the hydronium ion and OH is the hydroxide ion. (By right H3O and OH should have ionic charge of + and - respectively, but I have neglected them for the purpose of simplification.)

The above section is the unedited writings of my son.

How Fast is Coaching?

How fast can we get results with coaching?

I'm often asked this by coachees or their leaders. Even trainees from my coaching courses ask me this.

Well, it depends on how you define fast. ??

On the one hand, I am convinced that coaching is one of the fastest modalities for changing mindsets. On the other hand, it takes a long time for coachees to be ready to change their mindsets.

Let me unpack that statement.

In coaching, we believe our clients are capable, resourceful, and whole. One of the ways this shows up, is that most clients have completely rational, even noble, goals for their behaviours. Their outcomes are rarely the issues, it's often the way in which they try to reach those outcomes that is the problem.

Take a senior female leader who received a low engagement score from her team due to her demanding leadership style. Why did she do it? She rose to C-1 in a Fortune 500 company by expecting the highest performance from herself. She believed the same level of performance would enable her team members to accelerate their careers the way she had.

In other words, her goal was to help her team members get ahead. She truly believed in them, and was committed to people development. Wonderful goal isn't it?

Problem was, the way she went about it alienated her team, overwhelmed them, and even cause some to quit.

What made coaching fast in this case? The moment she realised her actions were creating the opposite outcomes to what she wanted, she changed. She went back to her team, explained to them what she was trying to achieve, and worked on a people development plan with her people, not on her people.

How long did that take? About 30 minutes into that coaching session.

The results? Improved morale immediately after the meeting with her staff, and higher scores by the next quarter.

Like water's reaction, it was almost mundane, but by simply giving the client the space to explore her own mindset, it effected the fastest change. And just like how the proton changes the water molecule innately, it doesn't go back.

So why would I say that it takes a long time?

Because the other part of the story that I didn't tell, is that it took that leader three months to get to that point.

She came into the coaching programme asking to look at ways to motivate her staff. She felt they were lacking in ambition, uninterested in personal development, and relied on external pressure rather than taking their own initiative.

It took time for her to understand her contribution to the situation, and then more time for her to understand her own motivations for acting that way.

How then can we make the process faster?

Making Coaching Faster

What makes coaching faster?

• Trust and safety
• Clear agreements
• Self awareness

Trust and Safety

Trust is a lubricant. It makes any process between two humans faster. But even when trust is established, there may still be issues that the client does not feel safe to explore. We commonly call these landmines. The client may be overly sensitive or particularly defensive about them.

Hence, safety is one of the fundamentals of coaching, specifically psychological safety. Learn more about it here: https://hbr.org/2023/02/what-is-psychological-safety

We need to clearly demonstrate that we are trustworthy and safe by establishing clear agreements, working towards the clients' highest outcomes, trusting the clients, being vulnerable ourselves, and keeping confidentiality.

Let's start with the first: clear agreements.

Clear Agreements

A coaching agreement is three-fold. First, we need to agree on the process. Then, we need to agree on the relationship. Finally, we need to agree on client outcomes.

I recently learnt from my mentor coach that I don't spend enough time on allowing the client to truly understand the coaching process.

Coaching is different from all other modalities, such as mentoring, consulting, or training in that it is an exploratory rather than advisory process.

New clients especially need to be thoroughly briefed on the process so that they will feel safe as it unfolds.

While I did inform clients, I didn't go into it deeply enough to ensure complete comprehension. Result? Clients sometimes demand advice, and feel disappointed when they do not receive it. Trust and safety suffers.

Secondly, I also learnt that I can be more explicit about the type of relationship we want with our clients. I come from an Asian background where many things in human interactions are left implicit.

But I learnt from my mentor coach that spelling it out right from the start gives the other party assurance about the relationship, sets expectations, and shows vulnerability. Meaning? Greater trust in me, and faster induction into the coaching process.

Lastly, every programme, every session needs to have a clear outcome. We need to know where the client is heading so that we can help them get there faster. Nebulous outcomes lead to meandering and slow progress.

Self Awareness

Another mentor coach of mine say half-jokingly that clients need to be trained to be coachees, the same way we train to be coaches. What he means is that client become more self aware as they are coached. This increased self awareness then speeds up the process of coaching.

It's one of the reasons I love coaching coaches. Most coaching programmes come with a hefty amount of coaching for the trainees. We truly believe a good coach is one that has been coached enough to have handled most of his or her own issues so that they do not cast a shadow when he or she is coaching.

Having gone through so much coaching, most coaches gain a level of self awareness that gives them immediate insights into their behaviours and mindsets with the slightest exploration. As you can imagine, this makes the whole process of coaching extremely rapid.

What can we do with this information as a leader?

As a leader coaching our staff, perhaps the biggest boon is the biggest hurdle. We have an existing relationship with our staff, which means we know them and have responsibility for them.

Depending on the type of leader we are, this can help to already establish trust and safety from the onset. But at the very least, the team member has clear knowledge of our relationship as superior-subordinate.

So why is it an obstacle?

Because precisely because we are their boss, the trust and safety, especially around more sensitive issues, such as performance below expectations, can be particularly difficult to establish.

Most people worry about how they are showing up in front of the boss. They try to manage up as they feel that the boss may be constantly evaluating their words and actions. All these make the coaching process more difficult and slower.

What can we do then?

It's not a cure-all, but being more upfront and transparent about the coaching process and the relationship between coach and coachee can be helpful.

Firstly, we must be crystal clear in our minds when we are stepping into the shoes of a coach and when we are being the boss. Mixing the two will result in confusion and lack of safety. Know if we are truly able to work entirely towards the staff's outcomes or if there are organisational outcomes we both need to work towards. If so, explore how we can align organisational outcomes with outcomes the staff personally wants.

Then, square it with our staff. Explain thoroughly the difference, help them understand why we are doing it, and inform them how we will signal them when we are making the switch. Be straightforward about the organisational outcomes we need them to achieve, and how much leeway we have to accommodate their personal outcomes.

Yes, it takes courage and vulnerability. But hey, isn't that what we signed up for as coach-leaders?

What can we do with this information as a coach?

Do a proper setup. Right in the beginning. Especially for coachees who have never been coached.

If the programme length permits, spend a session exploring how they feel coming into the programme and what beliefs and expectations they bring in with them. Help them deeply understand how the process will be like, and what kind of relationship you want to establish with them. Time spent here will be recouped by increased speed once trust and safety is put in place.

Take the time to address process and relationship dynamics when either is not going as it should. If the coachee asks for advice, help them explore why they feel the need to come into a coaching session and look for advice. Is it fear of being wrong, lack of confidence in their own answers, unwillingness to face the issue head-on, or something else?

Help clients be clear what they want to achieve and make sure we are always focused on working towards their highest outcomes. Clients can tell if we're truly focused on them and what they want to achieve.

We sometimes feel that we need to "look out" for them, or "work towards their greatest good". In such times, I ask myself this, "who am I to decide for my coachees what is best for them?" Coachees are the experts in their own lives and situations. Plus, they take the ultimate responsibility for their lives and actions. Therefore, as long we are still assured that they are whole, we need to set aside our judgements and genuinely support coachees in their goals. (If we're not assured they are whole, here's an ICF guide on what to do: https://coachingfederation.org/app/uploads/2021/01/ReferringaClienttoTherapy.pdf )

Lastly, meet the coachees where they are at. Don't forget that we have had at least 60 hours of training as coaches. Some coachees are starting with zero. So we need to help ease them into exploration, awareness, and vulnerability by being present, listening deeply, and asking curious questions. Think of how we can use ourselves to facilitate the coaching session, not merely what we do.

Final Product

Like water, the coaching process is one of the fastest reactions in the world.

Both in chemistry and coaching, catalysts can be used to speed up the reaction. I hope this newsletter gives you some ideas about how that can happen.

Drop me a comment or PM me if you want to take this discussion further.

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Today is the second day of the Year of the Dragon ?? and traditionally, dragons are associated with water, so we wish you a year of fluidity and flow!