They Watch, Listen, & Learn!

First a quote: “One of the greatest lessons I learned from my dad was to make sure your children know that you love them.” ― Al Roker

Hello, and happy Monday,

Happy belated Father’s Day to all the dads out there. I hope everyone was able to enjoy some aspect of the day, regardless of your personal situation, age, experience or perspective.

I recognize that for many people, Father’s Day may not be a happy occasion, or even a day filled with fond memories for a wide variety of reasons.

Becky and I feel fortunate in so many ways. We were both raised by great parents and were privileged to raise two wonderful children ourselves, now young adults with lives of their own.?

We were also able to enjoy almost every phase of parenting. Yes, there were certainly moments in each phase that were challenging, but overall, we have been so very fortunate, I prefer the word blessed!

The early childhood phase was absolutely fascinating to me.? It didn’t take long to see our children emulating almost everything we did; our mannerisms, the way we treated & responded to each other, even the way we posed for pictures (see inset photo of me, our son, Connor and Becky’s dad; note hands in pockets).

Almost everything. They watch, they record, they learn, and emulate!

It’s almost scary to realize your children are hearing, watching, and absorbing almost everything you do and say. When you hear your tone, words and phrases coming out of the mouth of a “mini-you,” you realize you are always “on stage” and they are always watching.

Parents are always teaching, even when they are not aware of it. Young children are students of their parent’s actions, behaviors, attitudes, and responses to life. Children mimic their parents in countless ways. They are students when we're at our best, and unfortunately, also when we're at our worst. Ouch!

Understanding this can deepen our appreciation of fatherhood and inspire us to nurture positive behaviors and values in the next generation.

“What you teach your children, you also teach their children.” – Unknown

And, likewise with being in a leadership position. Leaders are always “on stage,” even in seemingly private situations. People are always paying attention to what their leaders do and say, to what their leaders’ value and how they behave when they think no one is watching. All of this shows up in ways both significant and insignificant.?

I remember reporting to a new senior executive after a large merger involving a significant number of layoffs. Our former leader was in his office by 6:30 am every morning. Soon, almost everyone on the team was in the office by 7:00 am. The new executive didn’t start her day until after 8:00 am most days but worked until late evening almost every night, including weekends.?

Within a matter of weeks, almost everyone started and ended their day much later than before. There were no policy changes, no directives or mandates were ever given, people were simply emulating the new leadership norms and practices.

Just like children are watching for clues and cues about their parent’s love for them as children; the people we lead are looking for incongruences between what we say we value, and what we’re perceived to value by our actions and behaviors.

People want to know how they fit, and how important they are to the leader, and if they matter. They’re asking themselves if they trust their leader to do the right thing, even when no one is looking?

What behaviors are you teaching this week?

Maybe it is time we are all a bit more intentional about what we say, how we say it, and what we do.

Our behavior matters more than most of us realize.

As always, how will you live, love, or lead differently, or better, this coming week?

Have a great week! Sincerely,

Bryan Yager

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Instead of Bonus Quotes this week, a poem by Dorothy Lew Nolte:

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship,

They learn to find love in the world.

Dorothy Lew Nolte