Warning: If you don't notice non-verbal communication cues, you could be missing important messages

It’s common knowledge that not all communication is verbal. Our gestures, expressions, tone of voice, and body language, all contribute to the message we are trying to convey. In fact, we can even say one thing, and mean completely another.

Having the ability to understand these non-verbal cues is an asset in life in general but it is especially useful in business situations. When working with your team members you can use these extra clues to help you get down to the details. If the delivery doesn’t match the message then you probably need to do some digging.

There are occasions where people are afraid to be completely honest, or they are hiding something for other reasons. For example, if they have made a mistake or forgotten to complete a task. It’s very useful if you can spot these instances.

Observing non-verbal communication cues can help you to tell if someone is not fine

Good leaders will always want their team members to feel good and be happy. Creating an environment where people can be their best results in a healthy team life. This is not just good for our personal relationships, but also good for business.

Early warning systems are necessary to ensure that we keep the team, and the team environment on an even keel. Being able to detect issues through interpretation of non-verbal communication is essential for this.

If the thought of this fills you with dread, then don’t worry. In a tight knit team you won’t have to do this on your own. Your team will look out for each other. Let them know that you would appreciate them letting you know not only when they need help, but if they notice anyone else in need of support.

Can you read the signs?

How many times have you been talking to someone, either inside work or outside, you ask them how they are and they say ‘fine’ but you don’t really believe them?

I would be willing to put money on the fact that this has happened to you at some point, and, that if you encouraged them to talk, that you were right.

If it has, then good news. You can read non-verbal cues whether you knew you were doing it or not. If not then don’t worry, we’ll explore some methods to help you notice these subtle indicators.

As you get to know your team members better, reading their body language and other non-verbal communication signals will start to get easier and become natural. When you get used to their demeanor and regular gestures, alarm bells will ring if anything seems off.

What ARE some of the signs?

Note that some of these signs sound really obvious, but remember, we’re talking subtle changes. Shades of grey not black and white. (not those shades of grey!)

1. They’ve gone quiet – when we spend a bit of time with someone we will know roughly how much they usually talk, it’s just a trait we notice. If they’re suddenly quieter than normal they might be having an off day. If this goes on for a while have a chat with them and make sure they’re okay.  
2. They are frowning – this sounds like such a basic one but when people are feeling stressed they can forget to cover their emotions as much as they normally would, furrowed brows creep in unnoticed.  
3. Eye contact is reduced or overly intensified – if a person is hiding something they won’t want to open themselves up by looking you naturally in the eye. Natures way of dealing with this is to simply avoid eye contact. Being human, we know this, so when being deceptive we will often try to do the opposite, we can go too far though and this results in an unblinking stare.  
4. Work slips or deadlines are missed – When we are distracted it takes us longer to get our work done. We might drift off into our thoughts worrying about our issues, or we just can’t get our head around things in the first place.  
5. Looking pale and tired – serious worry will mess with someone’s sleeping routine, when they show up for work looking drained they might just have had a late night, but it could be a sign of other issues, look out for this happening more than once on the run or on regular occasions.  
6. They are grumpy – signs of anger include flared nostrils, clenched fists, impatience, speaking sharply to people, shaking head, looks of disbelief, rolling their eyes.  
7. Closed body language – particularly folded arms, to a lesser extent crossed legs, hunching over and slouching.  
8. Fidgeting, being jumpy – when our thoughts are elsewhere we might have trouble keeping still, look out for things like, a jiggling leg, wringing hands, overly animated hand use while talking, or we may feel the need to keep getting up and walking around.  
9. Staring off into the distance – daydreaming, not paying attention, becoming distracted or not listening in meetings or normal conversation. A real telltale sign is if you notice someone doing this, and then suddenly jolt back to reality saying something under their breath. They have been reliving or playing through a scenario, usually that didn’t go well.  
10. Drying up of ideas – devoting brain power to worry will impact our creative ability and stifle innovation.

What should you do in these scenarios?

Here is a suggested approach which may work for you. I will explore these types of conversations in more detail in future posts and I also cover them in my free e-book series, Mastering Difficult Conversations.

Assess the severity

?Some of these signs may be so subtle that you barely notice them. Keep an eye out for more in order to monitor the situation. Don’t wait too long if the signs persist, acting earlier is always better than waiting too long.

Prepare to have a conversation 

A leader who cares about their people will not brush these signs under the carpet. At the same time asking someone if they are okay sounds easy but it’s not always.

We may feel hesitant for various reasons. We might be concerned they feel we are prying. Maybe we anticipate getting more than we bargained for when we encourage someone to open up and we worry about ending up out of our depth.

I’ve found a good approach to avoid these stressors is to concentrate on their welfare. Plan to ask them how they are and then put the ball in their court. Be ready to explain why you are asking and that you have noticed certain signs of them not being themselves.

Have a chat with them

Set some time aside and find a place to chat where no-one can overhear what you are talking about and no-one can see into the room. Not always easy in these days of glass walled meeting rooms I know.

Leave your mobile device behind. Even if you don’t look at your phone, the fact it is on the table is going to inhibit the conversation. They need to know they have your full attention.

Avoid asking ‘What’s wrong?’. Although usually our instinctive question, it can result in awkwardness because it is so direct. If someone doesn’t want to tell you what is wrong this will potentially add to their burden of stress. They may not be ready to share, and it could be difficult or uncomfortable for them to push back. After framing the question try something more subtle, such as, ‘Do you have something on your mind?’

Listen carefully to what they are saying and how they say it. Remember to keep your body language open and show through your mannerisms that you are interested. Avoid interrupting and doing all the talking. Usually if people want your advice they will ask what they should do.

Ensure they know you are there for them

You may need to have more than this one conversation. Ask if there is anything you can to do help and if there is, be sure to follow through on any promises you make. If you can’t keep them – don’t make them.

Trust

This type of scenario is the ultimate test of, and the most powerful way of cementing, trust.

Hopefully you have been working hard to achieve a relationship of mutual trust with all of your team. It’s at this time when you walk the walk.

What do you think?

Let me know your thoughts on interpreting non-verbal communication in the comments. I would love to hear from you there.