*Be warned: It's a long read*

For a long time, my life has been a roller coaster, and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. It all began in November 2021, during my third trimester of pregnancy. I received a phone call from a neighbor in my hometown on Diwali evening informing me of my mother's fire accident. For a split second, I believed it was a hoax, but after speaking with my sister, I realized it was true. I have not had a single day or night of peace since this incident. The pain that a burn patient experience is excruciating. It hurts to see your mother bundled up with gauge and bandages, especially when you know how much she adores getting dressed. I would absolutely describe my mother as a fighter, but I would not want such a miserable existence on my worst enemy. I was still coping and arming myself to deal with the situation, I was also optimistic that it would all pass in time. That's all I've been praying for.

On February 7th, I gave birth to my bundle of joy, my son. I was overjoyed and can't describe the feeling of his first touch. While experiencing this joy, I couldn't help but think of my mother, and I was struck by postpartum depression. Yes, I know it's common these days and thanks to social media awareness, but let me tell you, it's not easy. Throughout, I sobbed a lot, and my husband, who also had a new experience, did not know how else to comfort me. I could tell that he wasn't happy seeing me go through this phase despite trying his best. I didn't like how the sun set. Every day, I prayed to Sun to keep himself back and not fall. But I had to gradually psych myself up and try not to get too close to the edges.

I was doing okay till I discovered my mother had passed away when I woke up on 19th March. The world turned upside down in an instant. We travelled down to my house, where I found my mother wrapped in a saree in an ice box. I'm still getting goosebumps while narrating this. I never imagined this day would come so soon. Didi and I mustered all our fortitude to carry out my mother's final rituals.

Since then, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't recalled her, and I will continue to remember her till my last breath. I now regret many things I did not say to my mother and feel terrible about many things I did say to her. Through all of this, I feel like I've suddenly matured. Life is unusual and unpredictable. You must always be in the current moment and go with the flow. Life cannot always be planned, and even when it is, it does not always go as intended. I've realized that you have no control over your own life, yet it goes on, and you must first help yourself.

Along with my friends and family, I also had people from my professional life who were constantly available for me while I was going through all of these. We frequently stereotype the corporate world as a heartless place where no one cares about anyone else. When people reached out to me and offered me support during my trying time, I was touched. Words won't be enough to express my gratitude to each of them. I gained a lot of knowledge from this phase. I've improved and become a more responsible adult. I am familiar with loss. I now understand the value of life.

Finally, as I write down my thoughts for the day, I feel quite content and relieved. Sometimes it's important to express how you're feeling and what you're feeling. Since I have changed into a new person during this period of my life and will always remember it if I am tested again, I can sum it up as a life-altering experience.