War is raging. Do I need to say anything?

If your news feed is anything like mine, it’s filled with reporting about university leaders struggling to respond to Hamas’s attacks on Israel. Leaders are being criticized for taking too long to say anything , saying the wrong thing , or saying nothing .

My feed is also filled with calls for leaders – of all kinds of organizations – to speak honestly with their community about the pain and suffering the war is causing and the complex history behind it. There is a strong bend towards equity, justice, compassion, and belonging in these calls and for calling out and naming hate, acts of terrorism, and genocide.

If my news feed is an accurate barometer,?then college presidents and chancellors, alongside their nonprofit presidential colleagues and for-profit CEOs, are under intense pressure to respond to the horrors of the attacks, subsequent war crimes, and loss of lives, physical safety, and basic human dignity resulting from the Hamas terrorist attacks.?

But you're probably not the president. You might not even sit on the cabinet. What is your role? Do you even have a role? What the heck should you do, anyway?

You should care for your team.

If you lead a team of any sort –

whether it’s an academic department, a business unit of staff and employees, a cross-campus initiative, or even an ad hoc committee running a search or organizing an event – and if you want that team to thrive – to work productively, effectively, and with the kind of healthy friction that promotes creative problem solving

– then that team’s psychological safety should be your top priority.?

You don’t need to make a campus-wide statement to care for your team. You don't need to represent the institution to care for your team. You don't even have to agree (or disagree) with your campus leadership’s position(s) to take care of your team.?

You can simply care for your team by focusing on their sense of belonging.

Ground your response to the Hamas-Israel war in your commitment to creating a team where all members feel included. Inclusion -- knowing we are genuinely seen, valued, and heard -- is the precursor to a team being able to share openly, learn together, experiment, fail, and challenge each other.?Without inclusion, none of the other magical teamwork will happen.

In other words, your team's success is directly tied to their sense of true inclusion. Do the folks on your team feel included and acknowledged by your campus response? Whatever is happening on your campus, ask yourself:

Is my team...

• Frustrated, angry, or hurt by our campus's response?
• Feeling left out of, ignored, blindsided, or disregarded?
• Being called out, shamed, or embarrassed?
• Longing for a response that isn't coming?

If so, you can respond to your team by treating them as the small community they are. You can check in with them individually or all together. You can discuss, probe, process, and learn together.

You know that, though. You've probably even done that in other situations. But this time feels different.

If you haven’t yet said anything to your team, it's probably not because you don't care. It's probably because you don’t know what to say.?

That’s OK. You don’t have to know what to say to speak. In fact, showing your own vulnerability is an excellent way to build trust and create connections among people.?

Here's the (my) truth in a nutshell: if you’re not speaking for the institution then you’re free(r) to speak as yourself. So speak like, and for, yourself. Take a conversational approach, whether you're talking to the full team or personally checking in with folks.

Wondering how?

Here are some prompts to get you thinking about how you would speak, with compassion and care, to your team. Note that this is my voice -- although I’ve put the key ideas in bold so you can see different angles to take.

[Brief but important digression: I come to these conversations with these identities: I’m an ex-Mormon who has walked the path from disavowing all religions (hey, I was young) to seeking understanding of why and how people choose to live their values and beliefs; I am a white U.S. citizen with Protestant, Anglican, and Catholic ancestry and no close family ties to Israel or Palestine; I have only a basic understanding of the complex history of the region and know I don’t know enough to say much intelligent; I’ve long been committed to speaking up and saying things even when it’s hard; and I’m sitting in my home in Milwaukee with my family safe, my house in tact, and food on the table.?

In short: I am privileged, somewhat uninformed, comfortable using my voice, and generally a caring person. That's my starting point.]

Anyway. If my starting point resonates with you...

I invite you to use these ideas as a starting point for finding your voice.

• I’m so distressed about this war. I worry about how easy it's become for states and terrorist organizations to attack civilians. Is anyone else feeling scared or worried?
• My heart goes out to the families who are suffering. I know I don’t fully understand the complexities of Middle East policies and history and yet I can easily imagine the horror that humans are experiencing. I find myself wanting to hug my loved ones and keep them close because I’m seeing how easily that can all be ripped away.?Are other people feeling fragile and vulnerable?
• When I read the news my anxiety climbs and when I ignore the news I feel like a bad human. Is anyone else struggling to manage their emotional responses while staying informed about this war?
• As scared as I am by the war, I know my fear is nothing next to the emotions our Israeli, Arab, Palestinian, Jewish, and Muslim colleagues and students are feeling. I honestly don’t even know where to begin to support our colleagues and students who are affected by this war. Can we talk about this as a team? What support can we provide each other? What support can we provide our colleagues and students?
• I feel so lost when I hear about the Israel-Palestine conflict. The history is vast and complex and I’m afraid I’ll do or say the wrong thing. But this war scares me and I want to better understand what’s happening. Does anyone else feel this way??
• The war is ratcheting up my anxiety about international affairs and our political safety. I find myself getting sidetracked by worry about the future and how impossible it looks to have international peace. Mix in the coming presidential election, our difficulty here in the US of ensuring democracy, the ongoing brutality against so many historically marginalized communities here in the US, and climate change, and I feel an overwhelming sense of doom. It’s making it hard to focus. Is anyone else having this experience??
• I know our campus is doing [x, y, z] to support our students and colleagues. I feel like we should be doing more. I’m wondering if others feel called to action. Is there something we can do together?

I hear you thinking, OK Carole. This sounds nice but… You've got lots of legitimate reasons not to have these conversations, right?

1. You and the team are too busy to take time out for a non-work conversation.

I get it. You’re in the middle of an ERP transition. Or a massive accreditation report. Or prep for board meetings. Or the interview process for your next colleague. None of that work is directly connected to the Hamas-Israel war. So why should you take it on??How is that worth your time?

Make the time simply because you care enough to learn how and to what extent worries about the war are affecting your team.

Are members of your team (including you) so affected by their thoughts about the war that it’s affecting their work? Do they feel they need to hide their worry, anxiety, fear (etc.)??

When we’re having a fear response it is really hard to focus and have strong executive functioning. So yes you may be too busy, but you may be too busy because your team’s productivity is suffering because their minds and hearts are occupied elsewhere. This is something you can find out, and then decide how to act on what you learn.

2. This isn’t connected to the work my team is trying to accomplish.

See above.

3. You're not hard-hearted but you *are* worn out. You can’t take on yet another crisis. You just want to go to work and get your work done.?

That’s totally fair.

And odds are good that if you feel this way, so do folks on your team.

This brings to mind the Jungian notion that what you resist not only persists but grows in size. If you’re having big feelings, avoiding them is not the salve you need. Bringing this conversation into the light may be scary and messy but if it’s weighing on you, go ahead and act on it. Start by finding out if it’s weighing on your team – and if it is, go ahead and act on it.

4. No, seriously. I can’t take on this emotion right now.?

Burnout and emotional fatigue are real. And it’s been a rough few years.

You may need rest, and that’s an OK thing to acknowledge.

Consider these alternatives…

• Ask trusted colleagues if there is a broader space for this conversation. Do several groups want to get together? Can someone besides you facilitate the conversation??
• Turn to curated campus or community resources. What materials, readings, talks, and events are available to folks who want to express themselves? Can you share this info with your team in a way that shows them you want them to have support while maintaining your own boundaries? (As a reminder, this is not the time to turn to the most impacted communities and ask them to step in, offer solutions, or do extra work. This is the time for informed allies and accomplices to step up. You probably have some on campus. Seek their assistance.)
• Are there duties and responsibilities you can step away from in order to find some time to rest and recover? Are there other steps you can take, and support you can find, to take care of yourself??

5. I don’t know what to say to anybody about any of this.

That’s OK.

• For starters, consider saying that to your team.?
• If you’re not ready to say that to your team, spend some time brainstorming what you could say. Just spill it all out in a private freewriting session and see what comes up. It’s likely that something will come out that provides a starting point you’re comfortable with.?
• Test your ideas with a trusted colleague, friend, or mentor. Feedback from people who want to help you is almost always beneficial, if only because an added perspective broadens and reshapes your own thinking.?

?? As a leader at any level you’re in a unique position to show care and compassion to the folks on your team.

You can do this within the context of your institutional response. You can do this regardless of your institution’s response. You can do this in spite of your institution’s response. I guess my overall message is, you can do this, period.

Talk yourself down from the fear and worry about saying anything big and wrong to the whole damn world and just focus on saying something small and personal and real to your team. Learn how they feel. Make space for the conversation. Decide how to proceed, together.

tl;dr: What can you do and say to support your team during this crisis?

Speak from your personal experience...

Create space for conversation...

Check in on people individually...

Check in on people collectively...

Seek support...

Remember not to ask the most disenfranchised folks to step in and make things easier for you. Find campus allies and accomplices instead.

Wondering how to get started? Schedule a FREE call to discuss how to talk with your team to strengthen belonging and safety during this crisis. I’ll be your sounding board and strategic partner finding your path forward.?No strings attached. We're all in this together.