A war that can't be won. My Military "tell all" memoir.

As a former member of the military with a certain clearance, there is a specific timeframe within which I am obligated to withhold certain details of my service. While at the time it may have seemed humorous to anticipate the eventual publication of a "tell-all" book, upon reflection, I can't find a way to make this comical. It is important to me to focus on the positive aspects of my experience. As such, I will strive to provide an accurate and factual account of my accomplishments, missions, and contributions during my time in service. It is my intention to present this information in a professional and respectful manner, honoring the commitment and sacrifices made by myself and my fellow service members. Ultimately, my goal is to provide a comprehensive understanding of myself and the important work carried out by the military during my 6 year contract, and the dedicated individuals who served and died for our country.

As I reflect on a decade since leaving the military, my heart is heavy with the loss of my brothers in arms to suicide. The transition from soldier to civilian has been a war in itself, with the memories of war plaguing my mind and death haunting me daily. While I try to control my thoughts ill ease into a hyper-focused work demeanor, it's difficult as memories of war resurfaces, turning simple commands into sharp, off-putting directives. Through self-growth and mentoring, I hope to improve, but the nightmares will always persist which I have learned overtime to live with. Therefore, I implore you, if you work alongside a veteran someday, keep an open mind, as they may have experienced the worst atrocities a human could witness while you were nervous about your 1st exam in college.

Up high in the mountains my unit part of the NATO-led International Security Assistance Force (ISAF), working to create the conditions for the Afghan government to exercise its authority throughout the country and build the capacity of the Afghan national security forces. We were determined to fight against international terrorism and bring stability to the region.

In September 2009, we were told that we needed more boots on the ground to counter the insurgency. President Obama decided on a troop surge involving the deployment of an additional 30,000 troops, while NATO announced the deployment of a further 7,000 soldiers. It was a difficult time, but we were committed to the mission and to each other. This is what we trained for.

In November 2010, at the Lisbon Summit, NATO leaders agreed with the Afghan government to hand over full responsibility for security in Afghanistan from ISAF to Afghan forces by the end of 2014. The gradual transition to Afghan security lead was launched in 2011, starting in areas that were relatively stable. Training a man who lived his whole life herding goats all day was not an easy task.

While trying to organize a Afghan police force the Taliban was relentless. They took advantage of the transition and began to gain ground, attacking our bases and killing our brothers in arms. We were doing our best to help the Afghan government and their security forces, but it seemed like we were losing ground.

In March 2011, President Karzai announced the first set of Afghan provinces and districts to start transitioning towards Afghan lead for security. It was a moment of hope, but it didn't last long. The Taliban continued to gain ground, and we lost more and more of our team.

On May 1st, 2011, we received the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by US Special Operations Forces in Pakistan. It was a small victory, but it didn't change the reality on the ground. If anything, it made our job harder than it already was.

In June 2011, President Obama announced plans to withdraw 10,000 troops by the end of the year and the remaining 20,000 of the "surge" troops by summer 2012. It was a difficult decision, but it was clear that we couldn't continue like this forever and it was time to give Afghanistan a chance to govern themselves.

In November 2011, Pakistani officials claimed that NATO aircraft had killed at least 25 soldiers in strikes against two military posts at the northwestern border with Afghanistan. NATO launched an investigation which later found that poor coordination and mistakes made by both NATO and Pakistani forces caused the incident. It was a tragic mistake that cost us dearly. I lost my best friend that day and I'll never forget the journeys we had.

In December 2011, an international conference took place in Bonn, to discuss cooperation with Afghanistan beyond the withdrawal of ISAF at the end of 2014. The Afghan president committed to strengthening the fight against corruption in exchange for continued international development aid. Pakistan boycotted the conference because of deaths caused by NATO airstrikes in November.

Looking back on those years, I'm proud of what we accomplished, but I'm also saddened by the loss of so many of my brothers in arms to suicide after the fighting was over for us. We were a tight-knit team, and we had each other's backs. A brotherhood that was stronger than family. We fought for what we believed in, and we gave it our all.

The Taliban may have taken back much of what we accomplished over the years following my departure from the military, but I believe that we made a difference. We helped the Afghan people, and we fought against international terrorism. And most importantly, we did it together as a team. I miss my brothers every day, and I will always remember them with love and respect. Rest in peace.