Wanting To Win Is Not A Sin
Nick Tasler
Org Psychologist | Leadership Speaker ?? Embrace Change. Grow Faster. Win Bigger.
During my school years, I was sentenced to serve detention two times.?Once, my seventh grade vocal teacher punished me for refusing to sing in her class. (As anyone who has heard me squeal along to?a favorite song in full falsetto during?the waning hours of a wedding reception knows, my refusal was actually a gift.)
My second detention came in third grade gym class when I repeatedly yelled at my teammates for not performing during?a heated game of kickball. The shame from this one still haunts me. It is the ugly side of my competitive drive I’ve tried to suppress ever since.
But research?suggests that I learned the wrong lesson from that experience.?
Wanting to win was not my sin. My?sin was in the way I treated the people around me–putting them down instead of building them up.?
It turns out that top performers in nearly all fields -- from hedge fund managers to fundraisers to fruit-pickers?-- are?driven by both the desire?to compete and the desire to contribute. They are self-interested and others-interested. They are fiercely competitive?and gracious in defeat.
When we try?to suppress our competitive drive?just to avoid?being a sh*tty human being, we are throwing the baby out with the bathwater.??
Wanting to win is a virtue.?
Wanting to win – a sale, a project, a promotion, a Wordle,?a battle with cancer, or a victory for the people we?serve – propels?our growth as leaders and our development as?human beings.?
Wanting to win encourages the people around us to be better than they thought they could be.
Wanting to win drives us to push back against?our circumstances and rise?up after we fall down.
Winning fuels our psychological engine.
When we suppress our competitive?drive, we?insult?the people who?mentored us.?We do a disservice to the people who count on us today,?and to the future generations who will build?on our wins tomorrow.
The next time you hear that voice inside your head telling you that it’s more virtuous to crawl through life minimizing losses, I hope you’ll pause for a moment and listen for that second voice inside your head urging you to reach for the next win instead.?