Want Your Life Back? How to Handle Guilt When Caring for an Aging Parent

By Betsy Gold, Co-Founder, LeanOnWe Dec 27th, 2024

Whether you stepped in to help an elderly relative out of love, a sense of responsibility, or necessity, caregiving can sometimes feel overwhelming—even for the most devoted family members.

Maybe it started small: picking up groceries, taking them to appointments, or helping with light chores. Over time, those small gestures can snowball into a never-ending to-do list.

If you’re close to your aging parent, you might feel you’re never doing enough. If your relationship has been complicated, you might wrestle with resentment. Either way, after weeks, months, or even years of caregiving, many wake up thinking: I just want my life back.

If that sounds familiar, know you’re not alone. Let’s talk about those feelings of guilt, how to manage them, and how to create a sustainable plan for your loved one.

The Reality of Caring for Aging Parents

According to AARP, 40% of caregivers report emotional stress as one of their greatest challenges. They feel stretched thin and isolated and rarely find time to relax.

Even if caregiving began with the best intentions—love, responsibility, or simply stepping in because no one else could—the reality is that it’s difficult. The financial pressures alone are draining, but the emotional toll of shifting family dynamics can feel even heavier. You find yourself in a role reversal, caring for the people who once cared for you.

It’s important to acknowledge that caregiving is hard work, even for professionals. Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or even resentful doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human.

Coping with Guilt

There’s no quick fix for guilt. It has a way of lingering. But there are meaningful ways to lighten the load:

1. Check in with Yourself
2. Learn to Let Go

How Are You Doing Today?

It’s easy to get so consumed by caregiving that you forget about yourself. Your own relationships, health, career, and happiness can quietly take a backseat. That’s why it’s crucial to stop and ask: How am I doing today?

Checking in with yourself every day builds awareness of your emotional and physical health. Over time, you’ll notice when you’re nearing burnout or when it’s time to ask for help.

It’s okay—necessary, even—to talk about your challenges with someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, a family member, or another caregiver.

And don’t forget about your parent or loved one. If dementia isn’t a factor, have an honest conversation. Caregiving often shifts relationships into a “patient” and “caretaker” dynamic, but those labels don’t erase the bond you share. Talking openly can bring you closer together—and you might be surprised to learn they feel guilt or loneliness too.

Let Go—At Least a Little

You want the best for your loved one. But that doesn’t mean you have to carry the full weight of caregiving on your shoulders.

There are ways to share the responsibility, whether through:

• Community programs
• Senior daycare
• In-home caregivers

Though you may feel guilty stepping back, your loved one may thrive with new activities, interactions, and routines. And you’ll have time to recharge, making the time you spend together more meaningful.

Finding the Right Balance

Guilt can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to control your choices. Here are three ways to reframe your caregiving journey:

1. Reframe the Decision: Asking for help isn’t failure. Professional caregivers can provide consistent, quality care while giving you the space to show up emotionally present.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge your limits. Burnout helps no one—not you, not your family, and not your parent.
3. Create a Balanced Partnership: Caregiving doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Take on tasks that keep you connected, like handling appointments or finances, while professionals handle daily care.

The goal is sustainability—for your loved one and for you.

You’re Not Alone: Resources to Help

Caring for an aging parent is a journey. There will be challenges and adjustments, but you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you plan to continue caregiving yourself, look into programs like:

• TCare?: A system supporting family caregivers in 17 states and military institutions.
• Family Caregiver Alliance: A resource hub for caregivers feeling overwhelmed.

At LeanOnWe, we’ve helped over 2,000 families find trusted private caregivers who make life better for seniors and their families. If you’re ready to explore home care, our free guide, From Crises to Caregiver: An Uncomplicated Guide to Home Care, is a great place to start.

Start Your Journey Today

Caregiving isn’t easy, but finding the right support makes all the difference—for your loved one and for you. Download our free eBook today, and take the first step toward a healthier, happier balance for everyone.