The Want and the Why

On the topic of New Year's Resolutions...

I overheard a few conversations in passing over the holidays that shared this sentiment: New years resolutions/goals? Forget em. We survived another crap year and I don't want to get my hopes up that '22 will be any better.

I heard one man say, 'I'll just be happy if I'm still breathing by the end of it.'

I get it. Sure, setting low expectations to avoid disappointment may make logical sense... but if you're of this camp, please throw logic out completely. Logic, as thinly-veiled self-sabotage, does not serve us.

Besides, when has setting New Year's Resolutions EVER been about logic?

The Want and the Why

Setting personal goals for anything, whether it be a new year, new job, road trip, project... has never been about setting teensy safe little milestones so we aren't trampled under the crushing weight of failure if we don't reach them. It has been about the pursuit of improvement (aka the want) and the decision to hope (the why) that our circumstances keep improving as we grow and learn.

So, if goal-setting is really more about the pursuit of improvement (the want) and the decision to hope (the why) than anything else... when better than a pandemic to get great at it? We should be setting MORE goals and making plans to intentionally infuse MORE of what we want during dark times.

Let's dig in a little. Every good goal has a 'want' (the improvement you want to pursue) and a 'why' (what you're hoping to see change as a result). Establishing both is the secret to staying on track.

Keep it simple. Celebrate along the way. Be clear on your 'why'.

If your WANT is; 'I want to make more time for myself', remember that not all actions are created equal. While sabotaging personal relationships might technically do that, it likely doesn't support your WHY...

If your WHY is; 'I feel blue and I want to feel lighthearted', maybe there's a funny podcast you've been excited to listen to... so you decide to go for a walk every Thursday morning when a new episode comes out.

Now you'd have time to yourself (the want) doing something that you are looking forward to (the why). Plus, you'd toss in some bonus endorphins from the walk!

Reflection

Activity: Choose a Want. Explore your Why. What are ways you can position yourself in the direction of your goal but only take steps that also serve you in the short-term? Jot down some ideas of specific actions you can take that would feel like stepping in the right direction.

If your want/why ratio is lopsided, you might end up with something like this:

• Want: Lose weight
• Why: Because I gained weight

With a weak 'why', pretty much anything you do that results in weight loss would be fair game. This also feels like a punishment for past crimes. Loving acceptance of who and where you are right now is important perspective. Goals should be about what will happen next, not what has already happened.

• Want: Lose weight
• Why: I want to live a long and happy life

With a strong 'why', it's easier to be gentle on yourself. You'd only choose weight loss related activities if they also contributed to a longer life. Right away, you'd rule out steps that could hurt your mind/body/spirit. Family hike, anyone?!

Extra credit -

Maybe your want isn't about losing weight at all. Maybe you chose it because you think it will allow you to live a long and happy life. What if THAT in and of itself is the want?

• Want: I want to live a long and happy life
• Why: To inspire those around me to strive for the same

This 'why' acknowledges the desire to surround yourself with people who share your goals, giving you an opportunity to be the change you want to see in your life.

You are so worthy. Happy New Year!