Want To Up Your Influence? Use Applied Interpretation

I like coming up with names for the concepts I teach. You may recall my concept of Relational Equity from this?post . Today’s concept is?Applied Interpretation.?

I?came up with the?phrase to explain the?concept that people will step into interpretations that you project on them,?if and only if,?they are?positive?interpretations.?

A?great example of that comes from one of my CHRO coaching clients. She worked for a financial firm that was in a steep growth phase, acquiring multiple companies in one year. She?almost never took a day off.?

She was burnt out. It took some coaching, but she?decided?to take off for Yom Kippur. She got permission from the CEO and said that she wasn’t going to be checking her phone. She was really taking a day off and was so nervous about it. I truly don’t believe she thought it was possible.?

I called her the day after and asked, “How did it go?”?

She said, “MOSTLY okay.”?

Clearly something occurred so I prompted, “What happened?”?

She said, “Most people were fine and left me alone, but I got an email from the CEO and the email started with,?'I know you're off today'.”?

I asked, “How did you read that?”?

She said she read it as if he was saying?I know you’re off (I can’t believe you are off) and here is work.?

I said,?“That’s one way to read it. How else could you read it? How would you want to read it?”?

She was stumped. I provided an alternative, "What if you read it as, I know, you're off today, so I don’t expect a response and please don’t look at this."?

Unconvinced, she responded, “I guess he could have meant that.”??

This is where applied interpretation comes in.??

Her assignment: Act as if that preferred interpretation is what he meant.?

I asked her to thank him?for giving her the time, space, and understanding that she would not be giving a response that day. Then see how he responds.?

Can you guess his response? He said, “Of Course!!”?

When you apply a positive interpretation, an interpretation you want them to have, and it makes them look good and feel appreciated, it's hard for somebody not to step into that reality.?

That interpretation, whether or not it was the actual one they intended, is what they’re getting credit for, so it becomes the truth, actual or adopted. Either way, it works.?

In this situation, I have no idea what he actually meant by those words. In my heart of hearts, I believe he was saying, “I know you're not working, so I don't expect a response.” In her heart of hearts, she might have thought the opposite.?

But it doesn’t matter anymore because he stepped into her interpretation. Now, it might be a little easier for her to take a day off the next time.?

Check yourself and your interpretations.?

I had another client who?believed her boss was mad at her for speaking up at the board meeting. She said, “She was annoyed that it wasn’t her speaking due to somebody else assigning it to me.”?

I said, “How much in that interpretation is fact and how much of that is your selected interpretation and assumption. Let’s talk about facts. What do you know that is fact?”?

She started to realize that there was no basis for her interpretation. It was all assumption.??

Sometimes we need to depart from that assumption and leave room for an applied reality.?Where can you apply this??