Want to Thank a Veteran? Be Their New Sergeant!

Veteran’s Day, formerly called Armistice Day marking the end of World War I on the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour is a day to shine the spotlight and recognize those who wear the uniform of the United States in military service. Our nation’s love of veterans is greater today than it has ever been. Those who have not served however, struggle to find ways beyond, “thank you for your service,” to give back to those who have given so much protecting our freedom. On this special day I offer a challenge to those who admire veterans and their families, especially their amazing spouses. Be their sergeant! That’s right, be the new sergeant for a veteran. 

We had this great saying in the Army, “everyone has a sergeant!” We said this in honor of the world class noncommissioned officers in our ranks; sergeants who kept us disciplined and true to our values. Sergeants who were our honest brokers, our living and breathing conscience. They taught us our jobs, taught us how to lead and care for our soldiers and their families. Regardless of our rank they would always be there, when we least expected it to catch us before we fell, offer their sage counsel, and keep us marching straight. I had a sergeant from the moment I raised my right hand until the day I retired 27 years, 5 months and 7 days later. I lost that person in an instant once I stepped off my last military base and boy do I miss him. Thankfully, I have new sergeants, mentors I now call them, civilian mentors. Afterall it is veterans who must transition and assimilate back to society, a new profession or higher education and not the other way around. We no longer need military mentors making us better warriors, we need you. That’s right, you, to make us better engineers, salespeople, educators and technicians. My new mentors never served a day in uniform but they have ‘skin in the game’ when it comes to private business, a space I now occupy. Be the sergeant for a veteran on your campus, workplace, or neighborhood. Or put another way, be a mentor and a friend. Start tomorrow by reaching out to a veteran. Break bread have a cup of coffee or a beer. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. This act can turn the sentiment “thank you for your service” into action. Tomorrow morning find a veteran in person or virtually through social media and make the connection. I challenge you. Now, don’t rush them and declare “I am your new sergeant!” You’ll likely send them sprinting in the opposite direction. Indeed, just by offering your unsolicited help or friendship they may push back. But have trust that they will warm to you eventually. You’ll find you have much more in common with them than you thought.   

Be their sergeant! Be as brave as they are. As author and professor Brene′ Brown says so perfectly in her book Braving the Wilderness, get up close. It’s hard to misunderstand someone when you get up close. Find out what path they are on and see if you can help them achieve fulfillment. Connect them with others in your network. Bring them along with you when you go to events and to places you think may benefit them. Have them over your house for thanksgiving! You have done things they have not and they are now on your base. Be their sergeant! Ask with fascination about their experiences in service. Learn from them and their spouses. It doesn’t have to be a full-time job but please, do not just offer your email or phone number. That won’t work. Challenge them every week. Get together live or virtually at an arranged time frequently and keep them marching straight toward a life of fulfillment. Be their sergeant! Help them discover their true passion and purpose. Help them achieve self-determination, competent, authentic, and connected. Veterans do not need handouts like money, homes, and other free things. They need to replace the tight bonds with friends they served with, trusted individuals who knew them deeply and were always there to help. They need a friend. It’s going to be hard. They may not warm to you right away. Afterall you are two people with vastly different experiences. But, like a sergeant, stay at it. They will bond with you eventually and, I submit, it will be one of the most profound things you’ll ever do in your life. You can and should have a significant positive impact on their lives. Be their sergeant!

Military veterans and their spouses are simply amazing people. They have already accomplished a great deal but they seek more. They’ve overcome obstacles already. They made it through the rigorous gates of military service and came through successfully (75% of Americans cannot even qualify for military service). They are smart, tough, and innovative. They’ll be humble, the good veterans anyway. They’ll ask for nothing and will feel completely out of place promoting themselves. They’ll be immensely proud of their service and their soldier, sailor, airman, marine or coast guardsman identity. They will embrace your “thank you for your service” but may accept it with a little reservation. They do not see themselves as heroes. They know all too well the real heroes are the ones who paid the ultimate sacrifice. We are lucky to have them in our country and I feel privileged to call myself their brother. Author Sebastian Junger perfectly states in his book Tribe, On Homecoming and Belonging, “today’s veterans often come home to find that, although they’re willing to die for their country, they’re not sure how to live for it.” Let’s give them a reason. Now stand up and give me your full attention. Attention to orders! Colonel Rob Campbell has reposed special trust and confidence in you. In recognition of your commitment to the betterment of veterans and for your commitment to make a difference in the life of a veteran and or his or her spouse I therefore promote you to the rank of sergeant. Effective 11 November 2020. Congratulations sergeant! Now go out there and make a difference. Happy Veteran’s Day.