Want to Sell More? Make Friendship a Priority (and Pay for Booze).

Old-School sales is a lost art.

When you think about traditional relationship sales, what comes to mind? Maybe Mad Men-style three-martini lunches, guys going to the strip club, Japanese salarymen getting hammered, rounds of golf??

These kinds of tactics have fallen by the wayside in most selling organizations, for several reasons:

1. Boy’s Club Vibes. As we dismantled the men-only sales world, we also set aside many activities that seemed (or did) explicitly exclude anyone who wasn’t a heterosexual white guy.
2. Family Reprioritization. In keeping with a shift in parental responsibility, many salespeople preferred/needed to spend their free time supporting their families at home rather than on work socializing.
3. Budget Cuts/Appearance. Many orgs just don’t love seeing expenses for strip clubs or alcohol on their books, either for religious or ethical reasons.?
4. Spending Reprioritization. Sales expenses have shifted more to digital funnels, with companies preferring to spend on appointment setting, lead generation, direct sales, etc.?
5. Conferences. Among other things, tradeshows and conferences allow for a safe kind of intensive networking that companies can feel comfortable with (see: alcohol).?
6. Social Atrophy. Our declining rates of friendship, the pandemic, and other factors have caused many folks’ social networks to fray, making them less suitable for sales.?

But while “friendship selling” has fallen out of favor in corporate America, it’s continued to be critical in startup and service-provider environments.

Friendship Selling Makes More Money

Study after study have shown that there is a strong correlation between a founders’ personal and business network size and their ability to raise funds (the biggest sales task in a startup). Recent studies, such as those by Profs Park and Kim at Kookmin University in South Korea, show that personal networks have a huge effect on early stage capital formation in startups, while business networks have a greater effect on later stage growth acceleration. Even more startling, in a recent paper published by researchers at the University of Iowa, over one third of all startups raised funds from a VC with the same alma mater.?

Double clicking on more traditional sales directly, we see research that suggests the same effect. In a study by Claro, Claro and Neto at the Insper Institute in Sao Paolo, it was shown that sales people with a strong personal network sold 48% more than those with just a strong professional network. And the effects go beyond just sales volume, to things like post-purchase satisfaction (friendships make buyers less likely to be upset when problems arise) and even pricing (friends are more at ease with pricing).??

And anecdotally, almost every service salesperson I’ve met outside corporate America has been a shrewd friendship seller - and I’m no slouch. From real estate to PR, sales folks leverage their relationships to generate leads and close them. Of course, the reverse is also true - I’ve seen (and had) several friendships that began in the context of a sale blossom into a personal connection that’s withstood the test of time.

What Companies Should Do

Corporate America really got uncomfortable with true friendship sales - and that’s a huge loss. But there are several steps companies can follow to leverage the power of friendship in sales.

1. Resources. Expand the range of allowable expenses to include things that friends would do together. Support the use of expense accounts within reason to expand and nurture friendship networks. Train on appropriateness and get detailed.?
2. Time. Expand time available to team members to relationship sell, and encourage folks to do so. Support certain kinds of extracurricular activities if there’s a good case for them.?
3. Training. Train team members on how to develop and deepen friendships. Don’t assume that even very outgoing Gen Z/Millennials are especially good at friendships. This is a skill people can and should learn, and companies need to upskill.?
4. Distribution. Bring friendship sales training and skills to every corner of the organization. Encourage even non-sales folks to leverage their friendships to help grow the business, especially if they believe in the mission.?

Startups do this all the time. I remember at a previous startup, our CEO and I talking about a short vacation I was taking. The trip included a friend that happened to be a key decision maker in one of our new target accounts. Because I was a strong relationship seller, my CEO understood the value of supporting this trip. The company obviously gave me the time I needed, and supported the trip by paying for a big group dinner (that I made sure everyone knew was covered by my company).?

Yes, we did get the deal. And maybe we would have gotten it even without the company’s largesse. But imagine the goodwill that $200 buys as a cheap investment in potential. Obviously, you need to suss out the reliability and trustworthiness of the employee, but if you can make a good judgment, such small investments can pay off bigtime.?

What Salespeople Should Do

No matter what you do, you need to make friendship development a top priority in your professional growth. Because both your professional and personal networks will be essential in the success of your career in business development, it’s imperative that you don’t shortchange one for the other.

Just as in a startup, whenever you sell something new or innovative, your personal friendship networks will be most useful. As you mature in the category or product set, your professional networks will become more valuable. But both continuously feed each other, and there is value in ensuring continuous expansion.

This means setting aside time and resources in your own life for nurturing and developing friendships. Grow your base, and keep investing in relationships that are already planted. And don’t be afraid to bring up asking your company for support. Make your case that your friendships are worth investing in, show how they can deliver for your employer, and ask for the time and resources that are needed.

Sales Is Dead. Long Live Sales.

I’ve seen plenty of online pontificators saying traditional sales is dead. That it’s been killed in favor of touchless e-commerce and algorithmic lead generation. While there’s no question there’s a major effect here, the idea that sales will shift entirely online is both sad and incorrect.

As we’ve seen in countless other domains, the increased digitalization of the world becomes more acute, the demand/need for interpersonal connection becomes ever more important. And therefore known relationships will only increase in value. Whether you believe sales is a lost art or not, just know that everything old is new again.

No, I’m not making a case for investing in a chain of strip clubs or golf courses, but rather that money and time invested in improving friendship skills and networks pays big dividends in corporate sales.?

Now, where’s my (expense approved) whiskey??

Gabe Zichermann is the leading expert on Friendship in the Workplace. His forthcoming book, Friend Forward: How to Leverage the Superpower of Friendship to Transform Our Lives & Workplaces (2025, CES), looks closely at how organizations, individuals and societies can foster friendship to improve our world. Gabe is a CEO, speaker and author who popularized the concept of Gamification, and has helped leaders in Fortune 500, government and startups create a more fun, engaged, equitable and successful world.

Reach out to me anytime to discuss Friend Forward Strategies in Your Workplace.

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